


Damsel's Fate

by Elf_Kid



Series: Fighting Fate [1]
Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Character "death", Coffee date, F/M, Fire, Heroism, Injury, Marriage Proposal, Robots, Romance, Rumors, Violence, ray-guns, serious life choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-02-26 23:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 67,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18726976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elf_Kid/pseuds/Elf_Kid
Summary: There's only so many ways for the story of a Damsel in Distress to end.In fact, research suggests that there are only six





	1. Prologue

Time is made up of stories. Events tend to follow certain patterns, and history has a habit of repeating itself.  There are certain stories that the world keeps repeating, over and over: the names change, the settings shift, but the plot stays the same.  

There are only so many outcomes, when a man goes to war.

Every time a person falls in love, there are only so many ways for the heart to break or remain whole.  

When you roll the dice, there’s a limited number of sides for them to land on.

Likewise, Roxanne knew that there were only so many ways for her story to end.  Somewhere between the first time Metro Man saved her and the day when Megamind handed her her first ‘Frequent Kidnapping Card’, she realized that she was a Damsel.  

This came as a bit of a shock to her, as she had never thought of herself as the ‘Damsel in Distress’ type. She took self-defense classes. She never left home without pepper-spray and a taser.  And yet, over and over again, she became the helpless hostage of a certain Supervillain. Over and over again, she found herself waiting for Metro Man to come save her.

Roxanne Ritchi was a Damsel in Distress.   And everyone knows that there are only so many ways for a Damsel’s story to end.

In fact, it might seem that there are only six.

Roxanne knew. She made a list.

_She could die.  Her family and friends would mourn. The City might give her- not a statue, but maybe a plaque?  Metro Man’s war against Megamind might escalate in violence. But none of that would matter to Roxanne, because she would be dead._  
  
_If things continued as they were now… she could end up marrying Metro Man.  Wayne Scott. They could get married. It would be a relationship of convenience, not love- same as now, only more so.  He could give her a very comfortable life, and she would make a very pretty trophy-wife. But that was not the life she wanted._  
  
_She could break up with Metro Man and fade into obscurity.  It would mean sabotaging her career by giving up hard-earned air-time, potentially damaging her relationship with her good friend Wayne, and missing out on all the excitement of her current lifestyle, but it might be worth it.  She could have a shot at a normal, sane life. It was an option_ .  
  
_If Roxanne became a villain- no a_ Super _villain- she could have it all: money, power, respect, and never having to put up a creepy coworker again.  But only if she was willing to break any rule, damage anything- property, relationships, lives- for the sake of her goals.  And only if she was willing to bow to the King of the Metro City Underworld- because Roxanne knew (oh, she knew) that Megamind did not tolerate upstart villains who didn’t follow his Rules in his city._  
  
_Roxanne could probably run away, if she tried.  She could go into Witness Protection and get a new name, and new job, a new life… and never see her family, her city, or her friends again.  She would certainly never be TV news investigative reporter again. Because if she didn’t run all the way away, Roxanne had no doubt that someone (Megamind) would bring her back into the game.  She could probably do it. If she wanted to._  
  
_Roxanne has always wanted to be a Hero.  They say that when it comes to battling Super-Villains, only a Superhero would do- and Roxanne doesn’t have any powers.  She can’t fly, she’s not bullet-proof, and she doesn’t have super-strength. There are others far more qualified than she.  Roxanne knows that she is not the hero her city needs today. It doesn’t stop her from wanting._

 

Six paths for destiny to choose.  Six sides on which the dice could land.  Six ways for Roxanne Ritchi’s story to end.

Roxanne had heard somewhere that our lives were determined by Destiny, and every destiny was set in stone, unchangeable from start to finish.  She had never really believed it, though. She believed that the course of our lives was determined by our actions. If you just worked hard enough, took every opportunity, fought for your goals and never, ever gave up, you could change your fate.

Roxanne honestly, truly believed that.

But Roxanne Ritchi was also a storyteller- because that’s what News is, when you get right down to it.  She made her living by finding the story, by finding out the Who, What, When, Where, and Why’s that made the world tick, then packaging it into a segment on the evening broadcast that people could understand, one that would (hopefully) make them think.  With a bit of care, a well-told story can change the world.

Yes, Roxanne Ritchi knew about stories. And she knew, because she had studied books of history and of mythology, because she had read old news-stories from other cities with different heroes and different damsels, because she had interviewed people and searched and and read and researched- she knew that there were only so many ways for a Damsel’s story to end.

_Death.  Marriage.  Obscurity. Villainy.  Escape. Heroism_.  

Which one would she fight for?


	2. Tragic Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deathtraps and Daring Battles of Good vs Evil are dangerous.
> 
> Roxanne Ritchi does not have superpowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Metro Man was caught!

Bound hand and foot by a web of metal cords extending from the floor and ceiling of the warehouse, he struggled desperately as another wire as thick as a boa constrictor wrapped itself around him! Roxanne Ritchi watched from across the room, tied to a chair and menaced by and glittering array of knives attached to weird, multi-jointed robotic arms that twirled the blades around her in complex pattern.

An outsider might be surprised by her calm demeanor, but Roxanne had been in similar situations too many times to be worried. Never did the blades actually touch her- though Megamind had assured her that they would, should her hero cause too much trouble. Speaking of which….

“You’ll never escape the Spee-ider Bot’s web, Metro Mahn!”

“A web of lies can be destroyed by the lightest touch of the Truth!” Metro Man shot back, a hint of red starting to build in his eyes.

“Oh, but some truths are too _shocking_ to bear!” Megamind proclaimed, throwing a switch.

An unseen generator began to hum, and electricity charged through the web. Sparks flew. Lightning crackled, electricity arced across the metal ropes in a blinding display. The blue-ish light cast strange shadows across the warehouse and surrounded Metro Man in a crackling, flickering glow.

Roxanne wondered how Megamind had achieved the showy, yet undeniably impressive, effect. Normally, when you electrify a wire there’s little to no visible indication of the charge. _This_ was as bright as a fireworks display, but Metro Man never even flinched as the volts coursed through his body. Even as she watched, his bonds were cut by the sheer heat of his gaze. ( _Roxanne can never_ not _think of that idiom when she sees him using laser-eyes; frankly, knowing Wayne makes that phrase a bit disturbing_ ).

“The truth will set you free!” Metro Man shouted as he shook off the still-sparking web of metal. “And now, let’s have some justice!”

“Justice will have to wait, Metro Man, because this revelation will hit you like a ton of bricks!”

Then, the ceiling opened and an enormous load of bricks was dumped onto Metro Man’s head.

Roxanne blinked. The dust settled, and Megamind began to cackle as the hero failed to emerge from the pile- only to give out a high-pitched shriek and dash behind some equipment as Metro Man burst forth, sending bricks flying in every direction.

One of the bricks hit the apparatus that was menacing Roxanne.

Whirring multi-jointed arms screeched and sparked as they were shoved out of alignment. Knives moved in trajectories that they were never meant to take.  

“ _GAAH!_ ” Roxanne cried out as she felt the first blade slashed across her side.  “Aah- Yikes!” she shrieked as another blade cut into her stomach, her navel-! 

The damaged arms were starting to smoke and give off sparks. She flinched away as a knife came dangerously close to her face. She could feel the sharp pain, and see the patch of red, red blood soaking through her white blouse.  And there were more knives, and she normally didn’t scream, she took _pride_ in not screaming _,_ but _there were a LOT of knives waving around, and she was bleeding and-_

“Shut UP and SAVE me already!”

Across the room Metro Man grabbed Megamind by the collar.  “It’s time to face justice, Villain!” Megamind looked over Metro Man’s head and saw Miss Ritchi. She wasn’t screaming- she never screams- but her blue eyes were wide with a panic he’d never seen on her before. It was somewhat unsettling to the villain. There were slowly growing spots of red on her shirt, and the Slice Em’ Up of Screams was giving off sparks, and _Evil Gods, she’s bleeding!_

“You’re girlfriend need attention, _Hero_ ,”  Megamind snarled.  “Best not keep the lady waiting.”  

Metro Man frowns and opens his mouth to reply. Another shriek cuts him off.  The hero turns, and sees Roxie, tied up and menaced by yet another one of Megamind’s creations, screaming in- that’s not really irritation this time, that’s _fear._ And pain, because there’s blood on some of those blades, and blood soaking through her shirt.

With a guttural growl, Metro Man slammed Megamind to the ground as he rushed to her side.  He goes into super-speed and

_The world is still and silent.  Metro Man carefully rips the no longer moving robotic arms away from their support structure.  He looks at the red, red blood on the blades. Megamind has gone too far this time. Sparks of electricity ooze out of the broken robotic arm, as slow as molasses.  He moves the knives away from Roxanne, away from where they can cause harm._

Roxanne flinches away from a knife, only to find that it had disappeared.  She sees Metro Man standing in front of her.

“Don’t panic, Roxie,” he whispered. “You’re going to be fine.” He snaps the ropes that bind her to the chair and scooped her in his arms.

Her breath comes short and rapid- she's hyperventilating.

There's sharp, pulsing pain in all the places where the knives cut her. There’s pain, and she doesn’t know what’s going to happen next. She clings to Metro Man like he's a life-raft in a storm, hardly aware of where he's taking her.

* * *

 

Megamind watched them go, face grim. After they were gone, he slowly went around the room and deactivated the cameras that had been set up to broadcast his glorious battle. Not so glorious now; he supposed that was the danger of so many villainous endeavors. Eventually, someone was bound to get hurt. But he’d always made sure that Roxanne Ritchi wouldn’t be one of them. He tapped the communication watch.

“Minion?”

_*”Reading you loud and clear, Sir. Is Miss Ritchi…?”*_

“Injured, but alive. Code: Metro Man has her. Code: Swift Retreat.”

_“Got it, Sir. I’m putting the Spider-Bot in stealth mode as we speak. Code: How bad is it?”_

“Code: We may need to lay low for a while.”

* * *

 

Metro Man arrived at St. Joseph’s Hospital with Roxanne in his arms.  She was still conscious- that was good, right? It meant that she hadn’t lost _too_ much blood right?  

Right?

He landed at the entrance to the ER, and a group of nurses and medics took Roxie from him and ushered her into a wheelchair as she stuttered something about how there was blood on her shirt, and it hurt, and that was a problem, wasn’t it?

One of the medics, a square-jawed man in blue hospital scrubs, turned to Metro Man.  “Thanks for bringing her in. Can you tell us what happened?

“I think she was stabbed.  Megamind had this machine with all these knives and I- I thought it was a bluff, to be honest, and-”

“Okay so, stab wounds, multiple lacerations.  Can you tell us who the woman is? Was she carrying any ID when you found her?”

“Wha-?  That’s Roxanne Ritchi; she's my-- everyone know Roxanne; she’s a reporter for KMCP News.”  Metro Man hesitated; the man seemed to expect something more.  “I… don’t know if she was carrying any ID. I didn’t see her purse.”

“Alright, that’s fine.  We will be needing to see her insurance card at some point, but that’s not immediately relevant.  We also need to alert the police about her injuries, so you’ll need to stay here and give them your statement.”

“I don’t believe that will be necessary,” the hero replied.  “The whole thing was broadcasted on live TV. What I _need_ to do right now is to track down Megamind and bring him to justice.”  The paramedic nodded sharply, his face grim.

“You teach that monster a lesson, Metro Man.  He can’t get away with doing this sort of thing to our people.”

“Don’t worry, citizen.  He won’t.”

* * *

 

Roxanne sat in a hospital examination room, staring at the clock on the wall.  The nurses had taken her clothes when they cleaned and bandaged her injuries, and now she just had the weird paper hospital gown that crinkled whenever she shifted.

They said she was lucky.  

The knives had _only_ cut her- very shallow, mostly superficial cuts.  There were no stab wounds. Nothing had gotten past her ribcage.

She was really very lucky indeed- if the blade that cut her stomach had gone half an inch deeper, she would be in a terrible amount of pain; she would be in surgery. If any of the blades had gone an inch, two inches deeper, she could have died.  

If they had hit any major veins or arteries, she would almost certainly have bled to death.

Instead, she was sitting in the examining room at the hospital, waiting for a doctor to come by and tell her if she needed stitches or not. They told her it could be a few hours before anyone could see her: at the ER, the most critically injured patients got the highest priority, and Roxanne had been lucky today.

She didn’t feel lucky. She felt injured, and scared, and… betrayed. She had been ‘involved’ in Metro City’s battle of Good vs. Evil for years now. During that time, Megamind had never hurt her. Kidnapped, imprisoned, and threatened her? Yes. Inconvenienced her, traded insults, and blatantly neglected her comfort? Certainly. But injured her? Never.

There had been a… a sort of trust, between them. An understanding.

Megamind was not, in her experience, prone to violence against people other than the indestructible Metro Man. He put on a show, he destroyed things, robbed banks, threatened people, and always failed to defeat Metro Man. He had honored the ‘Get Out of an Evil Plot Free’ coupon she’d won when she’d filled out her first Frequent Kidnapping Card. She was about halfway through her second card now, and it was hard to take a kidnapping seriously when it came with a promotion based on frequent-flyer miles.

It was easy to forget that Megamind was dangerous.

Megamind and Metro Man treated it like a game. Oh, they pretended to be serious, but she’s heard the way they bantered, playing to the crowds. It usually sounded more like a couple of kids fighting in the schoolyard than an exchange between a career-superhero and a hardened criminal bent on destroying him. Roxanne watched them from her unique vantage point on the sidelines, and it was easy to think of it as a bizarre show, to forget that the spikes were actually sharp and explosions were more than special effects.  

It was easy to forget that the knives and guns were actually real.

Today, she was reminded that the knives were real. Roxanne knew that she wasn’t indestructible. She couldn’t create force fields to protect herself from bullets, and she couldn’t walk through fire unscathed. Roxanne could no longer afford to treat the battles like a game. She could have died today. If the blades had gone an inch, half and inch deeper, she would have died.

It was her life that was at stake in those ‘battles between Good and Evil’, and if Metro Man ever decided he was done, she would probably be the one to pay for it. Megamind had always been extremely straightforward on that point. Before the battles began, before the cameras started rolling, they might trade insults, banter, and even flirt, but it didn’t really mean anything.

At the end of the day, he was still a supervillain and she was still a hostage.

At the end of the day, he didn’t care what happened to her.

She could have died today.

A nurse entered the room, looking over a clipboard.  “Roxanne Ritchi? The doctor will see you now.”

* * *

 

 _Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!_ Roxanne started at the sound. Was that-?

 _Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!_  That was her cell-phone. Why was her cellphone here? Hadn’t she left her purse at the warehouse?

 _Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!_  Right. Wayne had gone back to the warehouse to fetch her her purse.

 _Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!_  And fight Megamind some more. Or something.

 _Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!_  Oh. She should answer that now.

_Ring-a-ling-a-*_

“Hello? Roxanne Ritchi speaking.”

_”Ritchi! This is Davison. Oh God, it’s good to hear from you!  Are you okay?”_

“Wha-? I’m, I’m fine, just a little loopy from the pain meds. Wayne- I mean, Metro Man, Metro Man- he gave me a ride back to my apartie- apartment after they gave me my stitches.”

_“They let you go home from the hospital? Are you serious?! Ritchi, I’m half-surprised you’re not still in surgery after what happened. You took a knife to the gut!”_

“Davison, I’m okay.  The doctor said it was mostly just shallow cuts.  I had to get six stitches,though. They gave me pain meds and they gave me anst- absinthe- anesthesia for getting stitches.  So now I’m back at my apartment and I’m not going to work tomorrow because I’m calling in sick.”

 _”Okay, that’s good Ritchi.  In fact, as your boss, I’m ordering you to take three days off, just to be sure you’re fully recovered from the  terrible ordeal.  We can have Louis cover the evening broadcast while you’re out.”_ Roxanne nodded, then realized that her boss couldn’t see the gesture over the phone.

“Okay.  Thank You, sir.  That’ll work.... Anything else we need to talk about?”

_“Yes, actually.  According to trending social media and a special report from one of our rival stations… you are dying or dead due to injuries sustained in the last battle with Megamind.  We were wondering if you were well enough to give an interview tomorrow to prove them wrong.”_

“Wait.  People. People think I’m dead?  People… they think I died?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, please!  
> I am shamelessly begging for feedback, because I want to know what you think!


	3. Marry the Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Metro Man proposes marriage.

She talked to Davison for a few minutes more. The network would make an announcement about her injuries and replay footage from the fight during the 11 o’clock broadcast. Roxanne Ritchi would not be giving any interviews until after she returned to work.

“I just… can’t.  I need time to get my head together.  Maybe a special report when I get back to work on Thursday?”

_ “Okay, that’ll work, Ritchi. You  just focus on recovering and we can replay footage from the battle in the meantime!  Our ratings are going to go up because of this, Ritchi! An escalation of violence in Megamind’s war-” _

“Extra- excel- escalation?  Do you really think…”

_ “I think you need to get some rest, Ritchi.  You’ve had a very long day, what with the special report and the kidnapping and the hospital visit and everything.  You need to rest and recover, and maybe write some stuff for the report when you’re feeling better. Okay? Don’t ever let them say I don’t take care of my star reporter” _

“Okay, Davison.  I’ll see you in a few days.”

_ “See you when you get back.” _

The call ended. 

Roxanne put down the phone and curled up on the couch- then winced as the movement made her injury twinge uncomfortably.  She lay down flat, trying for a position that didn’t make her stitches pull. Maybe she should take another pill? But then again, maybe not. She was already having trouble speaking properly… not that there was anyone to talk to here and now…

She slept.

* * *

 

Tomorrow, Roxanne will go back to work. Tomorrow, she will give an exclusive report about her most recent kidnapping, and also interview the mayor about an urban renewal project, catch up on paperwork and missed phone-calls, and do the 11 o’clock news segment.  

But today, she was free. 

Free to relax, free to surf the web, free to contemplate her own mortality instead of thinking about work. And wasn’t that just the way of the world?

They thought she was dead. Despite the statement given to the press, by Metro Man and the KMCP Anchor, most people on the comments sections of the news websites still thought that Roxanne Ritchi was dead or dying. Watching the videos yet again, she finds that she can’t blame them. The original footage is rather… dramatic, and later video-edits only intensify the effect.

_ The footage shows Megamind, calling out Metro Man for another round in their eternal grudge-match. It shows Megamind threatening to kill Miss Ritchi if he doesn’t show up to fight. No break in the routine so far, she thought, and what did that say about her life? In the video, Roxanne seems calm and collected.  Her deadpan cries for help are met with concern from Metro Man and amusement mixed with irritation from Megamind. She barely twitches when he turns on the knives and sends Metro Man his ultimation. _

_ The film then skips to the moment when Metro Man arrives _

(she remembers that Megamind had turned off the cameras while they waited; he rarely filmed the intermittent periods of waiting during a kidnapping unless he had some sort of timer going and wanted to keep up the dramatic tension).

_ At this point the screen turns to a split view: Megamind and Metro Man’s battle takes up most of the screen; the view of Roxanne, still surrounded by whirring blades, is relegated to a small box in the upper left-hand corner of the screen. _

_ The drama continues: back-and-forth banter, a hologram trick to draw Metro Man into the Web, his subsequent escape.  The sudden ton of bricks dropping down from above _

(and how, she wondered, did Megamind set it up the perfect queue for bricks in a spider-themed plot; did he spend time thinking of brick-jokes in advance just for that moment?). 

_ Metro Man flies up from the mound of bricks and grabs Megamind by the collar- but now Roxanne cries out in pain, and the camera whips around to focus on her. The screen is split: Damsel on the right half, Hero and Villain to the left. Roxanne cries for help, more in earnest this time, as the machine sparks and the blades move in a grinding, of-kilter pattern.  Blades clash against each other at odd angles, each strike unbalancing the machine even more. Another knife darts toward her; she cries out and the blade comes away red with blood.  _

_ “You’re girlfriend needs attention, Hero,” Megamind snarls as Metro Man prepares to strike a finishing blow.  “Best not keep the lady waiting.” And Roxanne cries for help again, and Metro Man turns to look, his eyes going wide as he sees the blood.   _

It looks serious, Roxanne thinks to herself.  All that blood on my shirt, a little by the ribs and especially at my stomach, where I had to get those stitches… it looks really bad.  

_ Metro Man flies away with Roxanne in his arms, leaving Megamind standing in the warehouse alone, his expression grim.  Then the Villain approaches the camera, momentarily filling the screen, and the footage ends. _

There are other versions of the video out there.  Versions that begin when she’s first cut, versions that skip most of the battle, a few that are spliced together so that it appears as if she was first injured when Megamind was giving his initial ultimatum and demonstrating his latest death-trap.  There’s even a video that set’s the events to music and shows certain dramatic moments on a loop- though that one is in rather poor taste, in Roxanne’s opinion.

They all tell the same story: Villain captures and threatens Damsel. Hero fights Villain. Villain attacks Damsel. Hero rescues Damsel.  Villain disappears. 

It’s a very simple story, one you feel like you’ve heard a thousand and one times, but the truth is more complicated. As a reporter, Roxanne knows that the truth is always more complicated than what you see on the news.  Things are always more complicated than they look.

She could have died that day. The cuts still twinged, and she would have to be careful about what type of soap she used for the next several weeks.  Tight or clingy tops were also a no-go until the stitches came out.

At the hospital, everyone said it was a miracle she wasn’t more badly hurt, - that the blades hadn’t gone deeper, hadn’t hit something vital. The surprise wasn’t that she’d gotten hurt- it was that she hadn’t gotten hurt  _ worse _ . Look at how often she’d been kidnapped. Statistically speaking, it was a miracle something like this hadn’t happened sooner.

Roxanne sat back and let out a slow breath. It was a miracle this hadn’t happened sooner. She’d been a target for every villain in Metro City since the day she and Wayne first made their little agreement. Megamind had held her hostage so many times that she had a Frequent Kidnapping Card, for pete’s sake! This was the first time she’d been seriously hurt in one of Megamind’s hostage situations, and it was an accident.  The machine had malfunctioned after being hit by a piece of debris. 

No matter what people said, Roxanne didn’t think Megamind had meant for this to happen.

In the video, it looks as if the death-trap simply switched to a more dangerous setting when the fight started going badly for Megamind.  You can’t see the brick that hit the machine when Metro Man emerged from the pile unless you’re looking for it; you can’t see it unless you zoom in on Roxanne just before things start going south and look carefully for the few seconds in which the blurred piece of rubble is visible on-screen. 

You’d never know it was there unless you were looking for it.

 

Based on her internet searches, it seemed that no one else had looked.

 

She’d thought about it a lot, in her time off, and she’d come to a conclusion about where to place the blame. It was Megamind’s fault that she’d been hurt.  But it was also Metro Man’s fault, and her own fault. 

It was Megamind’s fault for kidnapping her, and for building the machine that caused her injury. It was Metro Man’s fault for sending the bricks flying when he emerged from the pile, and for not getting her out sooner. It was the fault of both the Hero and Villain for engaging in their little war, for allowing other people to get caught in the crossfire. It was her own fault for getting involved in their war, their dance in the first place. She could have stopped investigating that first time she’d tried to figure out Megamind’s plans. She could have refused, when Metro Man- when  _ Wayne  _ offered her the deal. 

Nobody forced her to get involved with the game. She chose.

It was easy to forget that Megamind was dangerous. In all the years of fighting, he’d never once won a battle against Metro Man. Few people were even hurt when Good and Evil battled in Metro City, despite the statistical probabilities. Most people credited Metro Man with this; Roxanne knew that Megamind was at least partially responsible as well. He claimed that excessive death and destruction was _bad for business_ , and every citizen killed now was one fewer to serve him in the planned Slave Army when he finally conquered the city. 

She’d thought he had a code of honor.

But things were different now- or at least, she saw things differently now.  She could have died. Megamind could have killed her. Accident or not, she could have been killed.  Because this was real. Behind all the posturing, ‘witty’ banter, and elaborate theatrics, there was a real Super Villain obsessed with murdering a Hero and conquering the city. If you looked past the smoke and mirrors, past the rock’n’roll and laser-lights, you realize that the robot armies, the vats of acids, the knives and guns and flamethrowers and spikes were all real

These recent events- her injuries- served as a very pointed reminder. People were remembering that Megamind was dangerous. The comments sections… reflected that.  __

_ Megamind deserves to die. _ __ _ Kill the Freak, Metro Man! _ __

_ #RIPRoxanneRitchi  Aliens should be shot on sight _ __ _  #MetroCityMonster _ __

_ Send the freak back to his home planet. _ __ _ #ShootDownTheMotherShip _ __ _ #USA _ __

_ Why doesn’t Metro Man take him out for good? _ _  #RIPRoxanneRitchi   _

_ Aliens are stealing our women _ _.   _ _ #ShootDownTheMotherShip _ __

_ Megamind deserves to die _ _.  _ _ Keep our women safe.  Kill Megamind _ __

_ Petition for Megamind to be Sentenced to death  _ **_(link)_ ** __ _ #RIPRoxanneRitchi _ __

_ Megamind spilled blood, so let his own blood be spilled! _ _ #RIPRoxanneRitchi _

 

Looking through the comments, seeing all the hate, all the anger leveled against Megamind, Roxanne felt- she though- 

_ R _ _ ing-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!   _ Roxanne closed her laptop and looked around for her phone, eager for the distraction.  

_ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting! _ Just focus on finding the phone, and not what the trolls and haters were saying. 

_ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!  _ The opinions of internet-people were entirely irrelevant. The call was probably important. 

_ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting! _  The phone was set to automatically reject calls from anyone who wasn’t on her contacts (short) contact list. 

_ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!  _ It’s not by the papers, it’s not by the coffee-table…  

_ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting! _  Chair, bench, end-table… ah!  There we go.

“Hello, Roxanne Ritchi speaking.”

_ “Roxie! It’s me, Wayne. Are you doing okay?” _

“I’ll be fine. I’m going back to work tomorrow- hopefully that’ll put to rest the rumors of my  _ tragic death _ .”

_ “Yeah, that’ll be good.  It’s kind of interesting though, isn’t it?  A lot of people think you’re dead. You get to see how they’ll remember you, without actually having to die! You get to see what sort of an impact you’ve made, you get to see how many people mourn-” _

_  
_ “How many people think it was my own fault, how many people want to use my ‘death’ to justify their own hatred…” Roxanne began to pace. “I get confirmation that despite all my work, all my accomplishments as an investigative reporter, everyone thinks of me as a victim.”

_ “Oh, come on Roxie, you know that’s not true. You can’t listen to what other people say! You just gotta believe in yourself!” _

“Thanks, Wayne,” she muttered. “I really appreciate you saying that. So! Was there a reason you called? I know it wasn’t just to discuss the pros and cons of faking one’s death.”

_ “Ha ha! Yeah, actually. I was wondering if you’d like to go out to dinner tonight?  We could go to the Cafe Boulud and celebrate your imminent return to work.” _

“That fancy french place downtown? Sounds like fun. So, who would we be trying to imp ress?”

_ “Nobody! I just want to treat you to something nice; you deserve it after that whole thing with Megamind.” _

“Yeah, about that. We really need to talk about what happened-”

_ “I agree completely! And I think it’s the sort of conversation that it would be best to have in person. So, can I pick you up around… seven for the Cafe Boulud?” _

“Fine, okay. But we are  _ not _ flying this time! Your hair might stay perfect through hurricane-force gales, but mine doesn't.”

_ “Okay, we’ll take the car if you want. I’ll see you this evening, Roxie.” _

“See you, Wayne. Bye.” She snapped her phone shut with a click. So. Now she had something to distract her from thoughts of mortality, the trolls and haters, and Megamind. Now she could figure out what to wear for her fake-date at the fanciest restaurant in town.

The little black dress was a classic- one she couldn’t wear anymore without people asking if she’d decided to become a Villain. ( _ Don’t think about Megamind. Don’t think about all the hatred, all the fake concern over your ‘death’. _ ) Blue was out of the question for similar reasons. 

Hmm. There was a flattering red dress with the black sash that made her waist look  _ tiny _ ( _ don’t think about the bandages taped to your ribs, or the stitches across your stomach _ ). But perhaps that one should be saved for an  _ actual _ special occasion. 

( _ Don’t think about Megamind. Just focus on the problem at hand, Roxanne. Just focus on finding the perfect dress for a fancy fake-date with Wayne) _

A bit of rummaging produced a few sensible blouse-and-skirt combos that were better suited for work than  _ Cafe Boulud _ , a polka-dotted dress with sleeves that were just… no, aaannnnd… the perfect dress for the occasion. It was a classy, pale-pink empire-waist dress with a flared skirt that came to her knees. She even had a pair of heels that matched.

Just focus on the frivolities right now, Roxanne. Don’t think about Megamind. Don’t think about mortality, or your legacy, or any of that. Just focus on the moment. Focus on the dress, and the shoes, and the evening. 

Yeah.

* * *

 

The  _ Cafe Boulud _ was a beautiful five-star french restaurant located in uptown Metro City. The inside was beautifully decorated: all gleaming red tiles, polished wood paneling, and candlelight.  Metro City’s favorite celebrity power couple was seated in a semi-private corner at a lovely table for two.

“So, you’ve been to this place before. What do you recommend?”  Roxanne asked, looking over the menu at her ‘date’. He was wearing a light grey tailored suit with a white shirt and golden cuff-links: unusual attire for him, lately. These days he never seemed to leave home without his cape.

“The Niman Ranch pork chop is fantastic,” he replied.  “The smoked sturgeon  _ a l’Oseille _ is also good.”   


“Hmm.  I’m not in the mood for fish tonight…  Maybe I’ll try the soup and salad combo.”

“I’m glad you were able to come out this evening, Roxie.  Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” She laughed, shaking her head slightly.

“I’m fine, Wayne.  How are you holding up?”

“You know me!” he said, flashing his trademark grin.  “Unbeatable! Seriously though, I’m not the one who was bleeding out at the hospital less than a week ago.  Are you sure you’re ready to go back to work? I don’t want to see you overdoing it and opening up the injury or something.”

“Don’t worry, Wayne.  That’s what stitches are for,” she laughed, waving away his concerns. “Really, one would think I’d been impaled from the way you fuss.”

“Can you blame me?” he asked.  “I don’t like seeing my favorite girl getting stabbed by a Super Villain’s death trap. Seriously, that thing could’ve killed you if I hadn’t gotten you out in time!”

“But you did!” she said, plastering a smile onto her face. “And the doctor said the cuts were fairly superficial, not life-threatening at all. I’ll be going back to work tomorrow, and then things can start to go… back to normal.”  Wayne shook his head.

“I’m not sure that they would. What happens if Megamind kidnaps you again?”

“Then you’ll rescue me,” she said, looking him in the eye.  “Just like you always do.”

“You don’t-  It’s different now!” He ran a hand through his hair: the only force that could make it anything less than perfect.  “Megamind made you bleed, last time. He’s not… playing around any more. What if next time, he hurts you more?” She put down her menu.

“Wayne, it was an accident! A bit of debris hit the machine; the knives were moving out of wack, and-”

“Listen, Roxie, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pick a fight it’s just… I worry about you,” he said, reaching to hold her hand in his. “You’re my best friend, and you ended up in the hospital after the last kidnapping, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” 

“That’s sweet,” she smiled, pulling away. “But-”

“No, no, let me finish.  I had this whole big speech planned out for how I was gonna ask and what I was gonna do, but I’ll just say it. Roxanne Ritchi, will you marry me?”  He looked at her from across the table, blue eyes sparkling with resolve. She stared at him in disbelief, waiting for the punchline. It didn’t come.

“Are you serious?  Is this really… you proposing to me right now?”

“Yeah. I figured I should probably ask you privately like this before I picked out a ring; I can do a proper proposal later, with a nice speech and maybe a band-”

“Wait a minute there, cowboy,” she said, raising her hands to silence him. “I didn’t say yes. To be honest I’m not really sure why you want to marry me.  When we started this, you said right up front that this would be, could only be, strictly platonic. We  _ agreed _ to that, Wayne! What’s changed?”

“It’s… Well… Like I said, you’re my best friend and I don’t want to see you getting hurt.  If we get married, you’ll be my wife. You’d be part of my family. I’d be able to keep you  _ safe _ from Megamind, then.”

“Uh-huh.  And why would that be any more effective than how you ‘keep me safe’ now  _ without _ us getting married?”

“Look, you know there’s a lot of bad blood between Megamind and me, but we… our battles have certain rules, there are certain lines that we’ve agreed not to cross.  One of those rules is that we don’t target one another’s families-”

“I’m still not sure where you’re going with this, Wayne.”

“If we got married, we’d be husband and wife. A family. And Megamind would never dare put you in the hospital again!” he cried, thumping the table.  It shook hard enough to rattle the silverware and cause the menus to fall to the floor, but it didn’t break.

“Fear isn’t a good reason to marry someone. Besides,” she added, reaching down to pick up her fallen menu, “I wasn’t even in overnight.  I think you’re overreacting to this whole thing. Just a bit.”

“Overreacting? He made you  _ bleed _ , Roxie.  Next time could be worse, and it’ll just keep  _ getting _ worse until somebody ends up dead-”

“It was an accident!”  Roxanne half-shouted. They were beginning to draw the attention of the other diners. “It was an accident, a malfunction, not an attack with malicious intent!”

“It was an escalation of violence, Roxie!  I’ve seen it happen with Megamind before.”

“‘Happen before’, you say?” she asked, steepleing her fingers. “Please. Explain.”

“For as long as I’ve known him, Megamind’s always been causing trouble. When we were kids, it started with minor stuff: acting out during class, getting in fights and making threats in the schoolyard, that sort of thing. Then one day things got a little out of hand, something changed, and he started bringing weapons to school.” The hero shook his head, remembering. 

“Megamind just... Things just kept escalating until the day he built a bomb, made the papers, and got himself expelled.” Wayne looked her in the eye, voice hard. “He didn’t stop until it was literally impossible to keep going. Later, when he started calling himself a villain, it was the same way. At first it was vandalism and stealing cars and wallets and pin-numbers. Minor stuff-”

“I would hardly call grand theft auto and online bank-robbery ‘minor’” Roxanne muttered, looking down..

“Minor stuff,” he repeated. “Then things escalated, and the next thing you know he’s got a robot army and he’s trying to kill me and conquer the city. Megamind doesn’t stop, Roxie. He just keeps going and going with the same stupid trouble-making until something in his over-sized head shifts and the Evil Plots get bigger, farther-reaching, and more  _ dangerous. _ ” He clenched his fists, then relaxed them. He looked at Roxanne again, his face the picture of kind concern. 

“He made you bleed, Roxie. And he isn’t going to just stop with just that, he never stops and he never goes back. That’s why we need to get married: because family is one of the very few things he respects, and he won’t hurt you anymore if we become family.” Wayne reached to take her hand again, but she pulled away.

“I… understand your concern.  And I appreciate it, Wayne, I really do. But I have been kidnapped by Megamind over one-hundred and twenty-seven times.” She looked him in the eye, her face a mask of calm. “I know him and Minion better than anyone else does. He’s a brilliant, irritating, criminal megalomaniac, but he’s never been violent towards me. He fights you, he fights the cops, and occasionally he fights other villains, but he goes out of his way to avoid injuring the general public.”

“All that is going to change, sooner or later!  There’s a pattern, Roxie, and-”

“You’re talking about a man who’s terrorized the city for almost ten years, making use of everything from bombs, robots and ray-guns to cloned dinosaurs, without actually killing anyone. That takes  _ effort, _ Wayne,”  she said,shaking her finger at him. “That takes some serious effort, and I find it hard to believe that an unfortunate, painful accident with a malfunctioning deathtrap marks the beginning of his career as a serial killer!”

“Don’t be naive, Roxie. He’s dangerous, and-”

“Pardon me, Monsieur Scott, Mademoiselle Ritchi, are you ready to order?”  The waiter broke in. 

Roxanne frowned at the interruption, but ordered a mushroom soup and a salad from the menu.  Wayne ordered the pork chop, and a bottle of the house wine for them to share. When the waiter left, there was a few moments of uncomfortable silence.  Wayne was the first to speak.

“Look. I don’t want to fight. I just… I feel like we’re at a point in our relationship where we’re expected to be thinking about the future. I mean, we’ve been dating for close to five years now.  People are starting to talk.” 

“Is that the real reason you want to tie the knot?” she asked, leaning against the table. “So people won’t talk?”

“Well, that and because you’re my best friend and I really don’t want to see to get killed by a crazed Super-Villain,” he replied with a wink.  “It really wouldn’t be so different from how things are now, except that we’d be living together and my Mother would stop asking about when we plan on getting married.”

“No, she’d just start asking about grandchildren more often,” Roxanne said snidely. “Never mind the fact that I’m not into you, and you’re not at all into humans, or the fact that I’d probably be killed if we ever even  _ tried _ to conceive…”

“We could adopt. And I think married life would be really good for us.  I’d finally get my mom to stop nagging me about settling down, the number of proposals and propositions I get from fans would go WAY down. And we do make a good-looking couple.” Seeing the look on Roxanne’s face, Wayne decided to shift tactics. 

“You can’t deny that you’d enjoy being the Bride in what people will certainly be calling _the Wedding of the Century_. You’d have bragging rights for snagging the most powerful super-hero on the planet!  And, once we’re married, you’ll be completely taken care of! You’d have servants, your own set of rooms at Scott Manor- heck, I could even buy you a house in Hawaii if you wanted. You’d never have to work again!”

“I  _ like _ my job,” she said angrily.  “I like to work, I like making a goddamn  _ difference _ in the world, and refuse to be treated like some- some helpless little  _ porcelain doll! _ I am not going to quit my job and put my own feelings aside just so you can have a pretty little trophy-wife!”

“Roxie, sweetheart, it’s not like that!”

“Oh, I think it is,” she said, balling her hands into fists. “Listen, you’ve been a good friend and a decent fake-boyfriend to me, but I do NOT want to marry you.”

“But Roxie, I-”

“No ‘but’s. I’ve been thinking a lot, these past couple days, about what I want out of my life.  One of those things is an actual romantic relationship with someone who actually cares. I am  _ not _ throwing my life away on an empty marriage.”   She saw the look on his face, then, and made an effort to soften her tone.  “I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is. I hope we can still be friends?” He smiled at her, but it seemed forced.

“Of course, Rox. I understand. I guess we can just… keep things the same a while longer.” The waiter arrived with their orders, removing the covers from the dishes with a flourish.  “Oh, and here’s our food!”

Wayne busied himself with cutting the pork-chop, trying to distract himself from the conversation. Somewhere in the background, a strolling violinist began to play a romantic tune. Roxanne sighed and took a few spoonfuls of soup. It was watery. The silence stretched between them. Coming to a decision, she stood up.

“This was very… I’m really glad we had this talk. But, nice and non-awkward as all this is, I’d like to go home and get some rest now.”

“Roxie, are you sure you don’t want to at least stay and eat?” he asked, looking at her nearly-full bowl of soup, then at her. “Are you mad because of the whole...” -he waved his hands vaguely-  “...Proposal thing?”

“No, no, I’m not mad at you. It’s just that this, sitting here eating together right now, after that conversation, is… really awkward. I just need some space at the moment, okay? Maybe we can talk some more in a few days.”

“Okay.  Okay, okay, okay, that’s… fair. Can I pay for your cab?” He asks, taking out his wallet and handing her a handful of bills.  She looks them over: $200 worth of twenties. 

“This is way more than I need for a cab-fare, Wayne-”

“Just keep the extra. My way of smoothing things over, alright?” he said, smiling that famously charming smile.

“I don’t want to take your money,” she said, moving to give the extra bills back to him. He waved her away.

“Keep it, I insist. Seriously, what’s the point of being a multi-millionaire if I can’t give excessive amounts of cash to my best friends, huh?”

“Well, if you insist… Thank You, Wayne. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you,” he said. 

And then, Roxanne Ritchi walked away from romantic five-star restaurant and the charming, handsome, wealthy super-hero who wanted to marry her. 

Most people would think she was crazy for doing this. She didn’t care. 

She had a clearer idea of what she wanted than she’d had for a long time. If it was different from what other people thought she should want, well, that was okay.  Roxanne was in control of her own destiny. 

It was time she started acting like it.


	4. Break Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanne walks away from a relationship built on a lie.

**“THIS is KMCP NEWS!"**

Good evening, ladies and gentleman. This is James J. Aimes with the 6 o’clock news! Here with me tonight is KMCP’s own Roxanne Ritchi, back from medical leave! Roxanne, it’s good to have you back!”

“It’s good to be back, James,” she replied with a camera-ready smile. “I’m very happy to be back at work and on camera, able to put the recent rumors of my  _ untimely demise _ to rest.”

“That’s right!  Roxanne Ritchi is here to give an e _ xclusive _ KMCP News Report on the events five days ago, in which the notorious criminal genius Megamind left her bleeding and close to death!”

“I think that ‘close to death’ is a bit of an exaggeration. The doctors said that my injuries were mostly superficial: cuts, not stab wounds.”

“So would you say that the injuries you sustained from the attack were insignificant?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Roxanne said, becoming more sober. “I had to get fifteen stitches across my torso, and three stitches for a smaller cut on my ribs. I’ll need to be careful to avoid infection for the next few weeks until the stitches are removed, and there  _ will _ be scars.” She shook her head slowly. “‘Non-life-threatening’ is not the same thing as ‘minor’.”

“Well put, Roxanne!  Well put. Now, there’s been a lot of hype these past few days about Megamind’s most recent attack. Will you tell our audience, in your own words, what really happened that day?” This was it: the moment of truth.  Roxanne took a deep breath, looked directly at the camera, and began.

“Five days ago, I lost consciousness at about 4:45pm, just after I had finished a broadcast on the Mayor’s plan for Urban Renewal. When I woke up, I was tied to a chair with a bag over my head. The bag was was removed shortly thereafter, and Megamind announced that I was to be his hostage for the one-hundred and twenty ninth time.”

“That’s a lot of kidnappings, Roxie! Tell me, when you first came to, were there any signs that this time would be different?” Ames asked, leaning forward. “Did Megamind seem unusually threatening or unstable; did he say anything that hinted at what was to come?”

“No. Megamind was- he seemed- normal. For him, I mean. He was as enthusiastic as ever when he started monologuing about how he would defeat Metro Man with the new and improved spider-bot and some ‘secret, mysterious trap’-”

“For those of you who don’t recall,” Ames interrupted, “Megamind challenged Metro Man by hacking into the tv airwaves, as is his usual mode of operation. He used Roxanne Ritchi as bait to lure Metro Man to his warehouse hideout, then tricked Metro Man into an electrified spider-web trap using a hologram of the infamous Spider-Bot.” Still-shots of the events appeared on the screen behind them as he talked. “Meanwhile, the  _ real _ Spider-Bot was being operated by Megamind’s partner-in-crime Minion in an armored car robbery!”

“Yes, thank you James,” Roxanne bit out. “Meanwhile, I was watching the drama play out, live and in person. Despite all the spinning knives being mechanically waved in my face, I had a pretty good view of the action. Megamind electrified the Web shortly after capturing Metro Man. I don’t know exactly how much voltage was going through those wires, but I do know that Megamind had at least two separate power-generators running to make it happen.  The electricity was arcing all over the place, but Metro Man didn’t even flinch!” _Metro Man never flinched; it was disconcerting_. “Megamind and Metro Man exchanged words, and Metro Man escaped from the electrified web using his laser vision.

“That was when Megamind dropped a ton of bricks on his head. Why he decided to use bricks in a spider-themed plot, I do not know. In any case, it took a minute for Metro Man emerge from under the pile, and Megamind was already giving his victory speech. When Metro Man flew up out of the bricks, they were thrown all over the room.”  Roxanne hesitated, then looked directly at the camera. “One of the bricks hit the death-trap that was threatening me and sent the blades off their directed course. Some of the parts were damaged; the machine started giving off sparks and the knives were suddenly swinging a lot closer.

“I’d been cut twice and had come dangerously close to losing an eye when Metro Man stepped in. One moment I was dodging knives as much as my restraints would allow, and the next moment he was flying me to the hospital. It was all a bit of a blur after that. We arrived at the St. Joseph’s Hospital ER, and they gave me some pain medication and anaesthesia while I was getting the stitches. They said I was extremely lucky. If the knives had gone just a few inches deeper… I wouldn’t be here talking with you today.” 

There was a moment of silence. Then James spoke.

“You said that the device became more erratic and dangerous after it was damaged by a flying brick. Does that mean that you don’t view the incident as a deliberate escalation of violence in Megamind’s bids to conquer this fair city?”

“I was injured because Megamind’s machine malfunctioned when it was hit by a piece of debris from the super-fight,” she said, voice level. “I don’t view the incident as an escalation of violence so much as a reminder of how dangerous these battles really are. It’s reminded me that I, like most of the people in this city, am not bullet-proof.”

“And that,” Ames said with a forced smile, “Is why we, the good people of Metro City are so lucky to have Metro Man as our defender! Speaking of which, can you tell us what Metro Man plans to do to keep Metro City  _ safe _ from Megamind’s violent bids for conquest?” 

“Nothing you haven’t heard already, I’m sure. Metro Man has expressed his concern regarding the incident, and my injury. He is determined to bring Megamind to justice, and strongly hopes that similar incidents to not occur again.”

“May I say, Roxie, that you are  _ lucky _ to have such an super boyfriend! He-”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” She couldn’t believe she was doing this. “We had a fight last night at the Cafe Boulud, and we decided that the relationship wasn’t working anymore. Metro Man and I are officially over.” There was a moment of frozen silence. Ames laughed nervously.

“Ritchi, am I hearing things? I could have sworn you just said that you and Metro Man broke up!”

“We did break up.”  Roxanne said, feeling oddly calm. This was what she had to do, if she ever wanted to stop being a ‘damsel’.

“Wow. Uh- may I ask why?” sames James, rallying quickly. “Is this sudden breakup related to the recent incident with Megamind’s death trap? Or has Metro Man left you for someone else?”

“Neither of us were cheating,” Roxanne, rankled by the implication that _ he _ had left  _ her.  _ “However, my recent injury was definitely a factor. I don’t want to live half my life as a hostage.” 

“So, you and Metro Man broke up for the sake of your safety. Do you think your recent injury- which was the first time you’ve been hospitalized after a kidnapping- was orchestrated by Megamind in an attempt to tear you two apart?”

“I think you’re giving Megamind a bit too much credit,” she replied. “Genius though he may be, I seriously doubt that he predicted this particular turn of events.”  Off-camera, Hal signalled for them to wrap it up.

“I don’t think anybody saw this one coming, Roxanne. And now, here’s Gary with the weather!”

* * *

 

After the  broadcast, Roxanne headed straight for her office/dressing room, hoping to make some progress on the paperwork that had accumulated in her absence and, incidentally, avoid nosy co-workers.

“So, Metro Man broke up with you to keep you safe?” Aaand, Hal shows up before she’s gone ten paces off-set. “That’s crazy Roxie; you must be devastated! So, I just wanted you to know that I’m totally available if you ever like, need a shoulder to cry on.”

“That’s nice of you Hal, but I think I’ll be okay.”

“No, seriously. You can call me any time, day or  _ night _ ,” he said, contorting his face into a smoulder. Was that supposed to be charming? Roxanne sped her pace. “Hey, if you wait just a minute I can give you my personal phone-number, and you can give me your phone number! That way we can just call each other like, whenever, and it won’t feel like we’re just calling the office to talk about work.” 

“I… appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll have to pass,” she said as they arrived at her office door. Inside, her phone rang. 

_ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting! Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!  _

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a call.” She shut the door behind her and scanned her desk for the phone.

_ “Roxanne! I just heard the news! _

“And hello to you too, Mom.”

_ “How could you break up with Metro Man?! He’s rich, he’s handsome, and he adores you…. He’s practically perfect! What’s going on?” _

“Nobody’s perfect, Mom. You don’t know about our relationship,there are things I haven’t told you-”

_ “Did he hit you?!”  _ she demanded. _ “Is that why you left him? Was he abusive? I swear, if that man every raised a hand against you, I will RUIN him!” _

“No, Mom, I swear Wayne never hit me! That’s  _ not _ what this is about!”

_ “Are you- you mean that? Because if he did, than you have to tell someone. You can tell the press- you are the press!  And we can sue him for every penny he has-” _

“Mom! Wayne would never do that! He never hurt me, or tracked my calls, or anything. He’s always been a perfect gentleman. That’s not why I left.”

_ “Okay. Okay, I’m glad, I was… I was so worried there for a minute!  It’s just. You and Wayne have been together so long! He was devoted to you; you know I never caught him even looking at another woman…  _ or _ man. Do you know how rare that is? How will you feel if he starts seeing someone else?” _

“Then someone else can deal with the near-weekly kidnappings, the cruel tabloids, and the smug super-charm,” she said, a touch of bitterness coming into her voice. “And he can find a date who actually  _ likes _ attending uber-formal cocktail parties full of elitist snobs who think I’m some sort of gold-digger!”

_ “Is that really how you feel? Or are you just trying to push him away because you’re scared about Megamind?” _

“So what if I am worried?!” she snapped, beginning to pace. “Aren’t  _ you _ the one who’s been telling me for  _ years _ that I needed to ‘find a way to make that alien maniac leave me alone’? And now you’re complaining because you don’t like my solution.”

_ “I just want you to be safe and happy, Roxanne. That’s all a mother ever wants for her children. And Wayne Scott is a good guy. He always takes care of you, he always rescues you from danger. I just want to make sure you’re making the right decision. I mean, you and Wayne have been together so long, it’s natural that the initial spark might fade-” _

“It’s not about the ‘sparks’, Mom.”

“- _ but with a serious relationship, you need to stick to it, through thick and thin! Have you considered couples counselling, to help improve communication and work out your differences?” _

“I… really don’t see that helping at this point, Mom. We’ve just grown so far apart, I don’t think the relationship is worth saving.”

“ _ If you’re sure _ ,” she said softly, “ _ Then I’ll support you. I just want you to be happy, sweetheart. Just… if you ever think about trying again, consider couples counseling. That’s all I ask _ .”

“Okay, Mom.  Thank You.”

“ _ I love you, Roxanne _ .”

“I love you, too.’

“ _ Bye _ .” 

Roxanne set down her phone and sat down to get started on some paperwork. Before she had even picked up a pen, however…  

_ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!  Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!  _

She looked at the caller ID: it was Wayne- probably calling about their breakup. She supposed it wouldn’t do any good to put this off…  

“Hello?”

_ “Roxie, I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me via TV Broadcast! Who does that?!”  _

“A public figure who feels trapped in a fake relationship with another public figure, perhaps? A woman who realized that some of her current lifestyle choices were putting her in serious danger and decided to make a change?”

“Hey, you knew what you were getting into when we started dating! Besides, I thought you liked the excitement, getting a first-hand look at the action.”

“Nobody said this would be a life-time gig, Wayne. Being close to the action is great and all, but certain  _ recent events _ have reminded me that unlike  _ some people,  _ I am not invulnerable! Weren’t you the one who was talking about a potential ‘escalation of violence’ yesterday?”

“Which is why I offered to marry you, Roxie. Guaranteed safety and security. You’d still get the exclusives, for as long as you want to be a reporter, and-”

“Do you realize how condescending you sound right now?” She shook her head. “Get it through your head-  _ I do not want to marry you _ . And I’m fairly certain that you wouldn’t be happy married to me, either!”

“It’s not- Come on, we had a good thing going on. I thought we were friends! Friends don’t just go up on live TV and say ‘It’s over between us’. How could you do this to me, Roxie?! Isn’t friendship a kind of love, to?”

“Are you- You’re seriously trying to guilt-trip me right now?” she screeched, outraged. “One, friendship and love don’t give you the right to tell me how to live my life. Two, I don’t know if I still want to be friends with you right now. We hardly ever talk outside of post-battle interviews, and when we do we usually end up arguing. And three, this isn’t about love; it’s about respect! You’re not treating me with respect, and I refuse to ever  _ consider _ marrying someone who can’t treat me as an equal.”  There was a long silence.

“Is that really how you feel, Roxie?” he whispered. She nodded, then realized he couldn’t see the gesture over the phone.

“It’s how I feel,” she said. “Maybe-” he throat caught. “Maybe we shouldn’t… talk. For a while. Since we’re officially no longer a couple.”

“Yeah. I think that would be for the best. Hey, can we agree not to trash-talk each other in the press?”

“‘I won’t damage your reputation if you don’t damage mine’? Sure, I’ll agree to that. So… goodbye, I guess.”

“Goodbye, Roxie.”

He hung up. Roxanne stood in silence for a moment. Then- 

_ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting! Ring-a-ling-a-ling-tingting!  _

She looked at the phone: it was her cousin. Probably calling about the breakup as well. She declined the call, then turned the phone off. She  _ did _ have actual work to do, after all. Questions about her personal life could wait.

* * *

 

The following morning, all the newspapers and roughly half the magazines were running front-page stories about how she and Metro Man had broke up. 

**_BROKEN HEARTS &SHATTERED DREAMS: _ **

**_The TRUE STORY of how Roxanne Ritchi and Metro Man’s_ ** **_Love_ **

**_FELL APART_ **

 

Most of it was a blend of speculation…

**METRO MAN + ROXANNE RITCHI**

**_> Why Love Wasn’t Enough<_ **

 

 

**Metro Man Leaves Long-Time Girlfriend!**

**_For her own safety?_ **

rumor…

**ROXANNE RITCHI:** **_IN OVER HER HEAD?!_ **

 

 

**Breaking Up Metro City’s Favorite Power Couple:**

_**Megamind's Latest Scheme?!** _

 

opinion pieces…

**METRO MAN SINGLE!!!**

**_All-time longest holder of the title_ ** **‘** **Sexiest Man Alive’** **_Now Flying Solo!_ **

**_Metro City Bachelorettes coming out in droves!_ **

and down right lies.

**Megamind & Roxanne Ritchi:**

**_Their Secret Affair & How a Good Girl fell for an Evil Alien_ **

 

The rumors flew. The city buzzed with questions and speculation. 

Everyone wanted to know, the who, what, when, where and why’s of the matter. 

More than once, Roxanne found herself the target of a swarm of reporters and photographers. It was disconcerting: she was more used to being part of the swarm.

Through it all, Roxanne Ritchi held her head high and smiled. 

Now she could say she knew what it was like to make the news, rather than just reporting it. It was a nice feeling. They were trying to pick apart the details of her personal life and putting her reputation through the wringer, but she didn’t care. 

It felt good to be free.

* * *

 

One week after she had announced the breakup, Roxanne came home to find a thick black envelope sitting on her kitchen table, propped up against a blue vase holding a single red rose. The table had been empty when she’d left. 

She approached the objects slowly, ready to move if either of them did anything remotely suspicious. Years of kidnappings, and years of watching the city’s Defender fall into Megamind’s carefully laid traps, had made her cautious. 

When careful examination failed to reveal any suspicious ticking noises, worrying glow, or tell-tale miniature camera-lenses, she took a chance and picked up the vase. 

Sinister devices failed to activate. The vase was, as far as she could tell, a perfectly ordinary porcelain vase. The rose was the kind you could find in any florist shop, with no special ‘enhancements’ or mutations. That was a relief; she did NOT want a repeat of the ‘Jungle Incident’ in her kitchen. Thus assured, she turned her attention to the envelope. Smoky 

It was made of heavy black card-stock, 8 by 4 inches. It was unstamped and unmarked. She hesitated a moment, then opened the envelope tipped the contents onto the table.  Out fell a folded piece of paper- a letter- and ten crisp $100-bills. 

She looked at the money first, counting it out once, then twice. She looked in the envelope a second time, just to make sure that nothing else was in there.  The thin stack of bills seemed to stare at her. $1000 in cash. 

That was a lot of money to have mysteriously arriving in your home. That kind of money did not come for free. Feeling slightly apprehensive, she unfolded the accompanying letter, and began to read.

 

_ To the esteemed Miss Ritchi, _

_ Congratulations on leaving Metro Man! It takes courage to walk away from a long-term relationship with a ridiculously popular Hero, and that  is the sort of courage I respect! Metro Man is and always has been an annoyingly self-righteous, muscle-headed showboat who never appreciated how good he had it. No doubt you have left him utterly heartbroken and potentially vulnerable to attack- so I really must thank you for that. _

With that kind of opening, she hardly needed to see Megamind’s personal letterhead at the top of the page to know who it was from. 

On the one hand, it was nice to see someone acknowledge that SHE left WAYNE and not the other way around. On the other hand, there was nothing like praise from a Super Villain to make you question whether or not you were doing the right thing.

_ I would like to know if you are thinking about becoming a Super-Villain. A person with your intelligence, persistence, keen observational skills, and experience working with Supers would definitely be welcome among the Forces of Evil in Metro City. I think you have a lot of potential for Evil in you, if you just put your mind to it! If you are interested in a career in Villainy, please be in touch. As the Master of All Villainy in Metro City, I will inform you of the Rules, territory boundaries, and certain specialty suppliers involved in operating as a Villain in Metro City. While I don’t anticipate any problems in this regard, I must warn you: if you choose a career in Villainy and you break the Rules in this city, your career will end  _ very _ swiftly. My regard for you in our working relationship will not prevent me from enforcing the Rules. _

_ That said, if you are interested in becoming a Super Villain, I hope you will consider working with me. If you would inform me of Metro Man’s weakness, I would be willing to provide you with weapons, armor/costume, and other resources. We could rule the city within the year. If unavoidable, unforeseen setbacks were to prevent that, well, my organization provides excellent healthcare services and you know that Minion is good at snacks. _

So. She was being officially offered the chance to make her ‘betrayal’ of Metro Man complete. All she had to do was tell Megamind his weakness- if she knew what it was- and she could become either his partner or his henchwoman. Probably the latter, if historical precedent for Damsels throwing in with the Villain was any guide. She read on.

_ Speaking of health-plans, I am very sorry that you got hurt in the course of my last scheme. It was unintentional, and when I injure someone, I want it to be on purpose. Enclosed with this letter is a gift of $1000 cash. It should be adequate to cover your medical expenses. I have always valued our working relationship, and I hope that if you decide to become a Super Villain, you will choose to work with me. If you decide that Villainy is not your destined path, then I will respect your decision. _

_ I wish you good fortune with your future endeavors, whatever they may be. _

_ Best Regards _

_ Megamind _

_ Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy. _

 

To reply, leave your message (in written format) in the black metal box under the bench in the red pavilion at the Woodland Metro Park.

 

Roxanne read the letter twice. After a few minute’s consideration, she folded it up and returned it to the envelope. She would hide this in the back of her sock-drawer. No one would find it there. No one would ever see it. She didn’t have to tell anyone about this at all.

* * *

 

With that dealt with, all she had to deal with was the money. And the vase. And the flower. 

She didn’t really need Megamind’s money for medical expenses. Between her health insurance and Wayne’s generosity, she hadn’t had to pay a penny. It would seem that the Hero and Villain had remarkably similar ways of apologizing. 

She could return it, just leave the money in the drop box and put it out of her head- but it somehow didn’t seem polite or wise to return a gift of apology to a supervillain. She could put it in her savings account, but people ask questions about such large deposits, and trying to explain where she’d gotten all that money was sure to open a giant can of worms. 

She could spend it- if she was comfortable with buying something very expensive with money that was certain to be either stolen or blood money. 

Or she could anonymously donate the $1000 to charity. There were always homeless shelters that needed money; there were always hospitals that could use the extra funds. 

Yes. She would give the money to charity.

All that was left was the rose and the vase. All she had to do was figure out why Megamind had given them to her, and what she was going to do with them.

* * *

 

Two days later, Megamind made his move. Roxanne was just wrapping up an expose on a company that had been poring its factory waste into Lake Michigan when the report came in: Megamind was on the Spider-bot leading an army of brain-bots and three-foot-tall ‘Scorpion Screamers’ toward City Hall. 

Roxanne and Hal loaded up the equipment and headed towards the battle, but it was all the way across town. By the time they reached City Hall, Metro Man was already flying away. Fortunately, KMCP was able to get footage of the battle from a different team, and Roxanne was able to make an only slightly less exciting report when the damaged Scorpions began to self-destruct.

It wasn’t the same as having a front-row seat from the kidnapping chair and giving an exclusive report afterwards. Getting close to the action had just gotten a lot harder.

 

* * *

 

**Metro Man & Kristina Phelps:**

**_Looking for Love?_ **

> _ Metro Man, a member in good standing of the League of Heroes and the official Defender of Metro City, attended last night’s annual ‘Dance for a Cure’ Fundraising Ball with Hollywood actress Kristina Phelps. Kristina, best known for her star role as Stella Dove in the surprise-hit movie trilogy Dusk, told interviewers: _
> 
> _ “It was a very nice date and Metro Man is a very good dancer. Is there potential for something to develop? Maybe.”  _
> 
> _ Sources say that they were seen eating lunch together twice the previous week. Two months after breaking up with his long-time girlfriend Roxanne Ritchi, it seems that Metro Man is ready to move on. America’s favorite home-town hero was heard saying... (cont. on pp 5.) _

 

Roxanne threw down the magazine. So Metro Man was dating again. Dating a beautiful, blond movie-star with a (totally undeserved) Academy Awards nomination, no less. That was fine. They looked good together, she had to admit. And she really didn’t mind that her ex fake-boyfriend was seeing someone new. It wasn’t like she wasn’t jealous or anything. 

She sighed. It wasn’t as if she was jealous of _ Kristina _ , at any rate. It just didn’t seem fair that  _ he _ got to move on from their relationship while  _ she _ was still thought of as “Metro Man’s girlfriend”. 

The first time she went on a date post-breakup was with Henry Kenning, a reporter new to KMCP who’d just moved in from New York. She realized two minutes in that he’d only asked her out to try and get an exclusive about Metro Man. 

So then she asked a friend to try and set her up on a blind date. That was how she met Brad (a body-builder with a aspirations to super-heroism), Stephan (who left two minutes in after politely telling her that he didn’t think her could compete with Metro Man), and Jeremy (who went to check his car’s headlights halfway through the meal and never came back).

After that, she decided to just enjoy being an independent, single woman in the big city. She had her friends, she had her work, and she had plenty of things to occupy her thoughts. She was happy. She certainly didn’t  _ need _ a man in her life. She should know; she hadn’t had a real relationship in years.

Still, it might be nice. And that made it doubly frustrating that Metro Man, who only wanted a partner for the sake of appearances, was able to find the perfect girlfriend so easily.

* * *

 

Roxanne finds out about the kidnapping when Megamind hacks into the newsfeeds. 

_ Kristina Phelps, looking positively classic in a vintage pink-and-white 50’s-style dress, screamed in terror as she dangled above the alligator pit. If Metro Man did not officially resign from his post as Defender of ‘Metrocity’ and leave the city forever within the next two hours, she would be devoured by the devilish reptiles.  _

It was a classic scheme; Roxanne had participated in variants of it many, many times before, albeit with a lot less screaming.  She watched the drama as it played out, enjoying the feeling of seeing it from the outside for once. 

Then, as Megamind treated the city to yet another ‘grand speech’ about how he was their destined ruler, she realized something. 

In the wall of windows behind him, she could see the Stratford building, with the 1st Central Bank a little behind it. Assuming the view behind him was real and not a projection screen of some sort, he had to be in one of the downtown skyscrapers.

She pulled out her pen and notepad, and started sketching. The Stratford building was on Main Street; the bank and that bluish skyscraper were  _ east  _ of there, sooo for them to appear to be behind and to the left of the Stratford, Metro Tower, the central point of reference for downtown navigation, should be.…  

She couldn’t find Metro Tower on-screen. It was the most prominent feature in Metro City’s skyline; if Megamind were going to create a fake view of the skyline behind him, it would almost certainly include Metro Tower. Which she could not currently see.

The view on-screen moved to focus on the alligator pit again- Kristina really had a good pair of lungs, to hold a note for that long- and Roxanne noticed something odd about the shape of the pit. Instead of the standard circle, this pit was shaped like an 8-point star; in addition to that, the walls surrounding the water looked very new. 

She recognized that alligator pit; it was the artistic ‘water feature’ from the ballroom in the 35th floor of Metro Tower. 

Roxanne smiled, sharp and predatory.

“Hal, get the van ready!” she called. “We’re going downtown!”

* * *

 

They arrived on the scene before anyone else. They couldn’t broadcast live while Megamind still controlled the airwaves, but KMCP was going to have some excellent,  _ exclusive _ footage of the battle.

“I’m here at Metro Tower, where Megamind is holding famed actress Kristina Phelps hostage above the alligator pit. Negotiation attempts by Metro Man have broken down, and Megamind has opened fire on him with a barrage of multi-colored laser beams!” 

Megamind fired shot after shot as Metro man flew around the room, trying to get a clearer angle on his foe. 

“Megamind’s shooting has resulted in two separate fires in this room so far, and the windows on the northwest side of the room appear to be partially  _ melted _ . The lasers have not injured Metro Man at all so far. However, he does seem slightly disoriented by the light-show.”

  
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!” Hal focused the camera on Kristina as one of the alligators- _Brutus_ , Roxanne thought- made a particularly determined leap at her. “Metro Man! SAVE ME!”

“Taste the rainbow and die, Hero!” Megamind shouted as he fired another round. “And let the white light of goodness be  _ fractured _ by the diamonds of- Miss Ritchi?!” 

Taking advantage of the villain’s sudden distraction, Metro Man flew forward and twisted the laser-rifle out of his arms, crushing it as he did so. Megamind twisted and jumped up, kicking off against Metro Man’s stomach and leaping away, hitting the ground at a run. Metro Man had him by the cape in an instant, but at least the escape attempt looked good on camera.

“Looks like goodness is still outshining evil, Megamind!” Metro Man said with a smarmy grin that was mostly directed towards the camera. Then he realized who was  _ with _ the camera and did a double-take. “Roxanne?! What are you doing here?”

“I am a reporter,” she replied. “There’s a news story here, so I came to report it. I’d like an interview after you rescue your new girlfriend, if you  _ don’t  _ mind.”

“Right. Um. I’ll just-”

“HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!” Kristina shrieked, apparently feeling that her plight was being ignored. Metro Man nodded once, then in a blur of super-speed he tied up Megamind with his own cape and flew over the alligator pit to rescue her. Roxanne turned her attention to Megamind.

“So good to see you again, Miss Ritchi,” he purred. “Did you miss me?”

“Hardly.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, smiling lazily. “It seems to me that you just can’t stay away.” Roxanne frowned and told herself to keep her voice level and professional. She wasn't going to fall for his game, and she was _not_ going to blush.

“Megamind, earlier you mentioned that the weapon you used today incorporated diamonds for part the laser function. Were these some of the same diamonds that were stolen from the Gemini Jewelry Company in the robbery last month?”

“No, actually. I synthesized my own diamonds specifically for this device,” he said smugly. “ _ Natural _ diamonds have flaws, and to make the Light-Shatterer of Evil work without any accidental explosions I need  _ perfection _ . There are very few things in nature that cannot be improved by science, Miss Ritchi.”

“I see. Can you tell our viewers why you chose to-” 

“YEEK!” Kristina shrieked. 

Roxanne turned at the sound, and Hal focused his camera on the actress, who was now in Metro Man’s arms several feet above the alligator pit.  

“I lost my shoe! Do you know how much these shoes _ cost _ ?!” 

Sure enough, one of her pink high-heels was missing, and one of the alligators circling below looked particularly smug. Roxanne just barely managed to keep herself from rolling her eyes as she stepped forward and raised her microphone up towards the floating couple.

“Kristina Phelps! You’ve just gone through a  _ terrifying  _ ordeal! How does it feel to be rescued from you first hostage situation?”

“Oh! Well, it’s been very frightening experience! But I’m-” she broke off, her eyes widening. “Hey! He’s getting away!”

Roxanne turned just in time to see Megamind (now without his cape) leap out of a melted hole in the window and onto the waiting hoverbike. He gunned the engine and accelerated away at breakneck speed. Metro Man set Kristina down beside her and flew after him in a blur of white and gold.

“Tell me you got that on film,” Roxanne whispered as they disappeared behind the skyline. Hal gave her thumbs up, so she turned to address the camera.

“In an unexpected turn of events, Megamind has just escaped his restraints and is making a daring escape attempt on his hover-bike. Metro Man is in hot pursuit. Will justice prevail over lawlessness? Or will evil remain free to terrorize our fair city? Stay tuned at  _ KMCP8 _ to find out!”  Just as she finished speaking, the stairway doors opened and a crowd of people poured into the room. 

“This is Roger Moore from Channel 3 News, reporting live at the scene of Megamind’s latest-”

“Winona Jones;  _ Metro Herald _ ! How does it feel to be-”

“ _ GNN News _ , Kristina! What is your comment on-”

“Miss Ritchi,  _ City Times.  _ How do you feel about the recent-”

“ _ Heroics Weekly _ , ladies! Tell our readers what-”

“This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting live.” 

Cameras flashed as reporters crowded around the recently rescued Kristina Phelps. Roxanne was among them, shouting questions even as some of her fellow reporters attempted to interview  _ her _ on the preceding events. She had hoped that that would stop happening after she broke up with Metro Man. Perhaps it would just take time.

* * *

 

Megamind did not make it into police custody that day. The alligators, which _ had _ been captured, somehow disappeared from their cages at some point enroute to the Metro City Zoo. No one was quite sure how it had happened.

* * *

 

Roxanne woke slowly, to a space that was dark, warm, and a bit smelly- oh. She had a bag over her head. She twitched and tried to stretch out her limbs- yup, tied up as well. She hears a few hurried whispers, and then the bag is removed.

“Ah, Miss Ritchi,” Megamind said, stepping forward with a sweep of his cape. “We meet again!” 

They were in- some sort of tent?- made of red canvas. A brainbot flew by, sack in claw. Minion was nowhere to be seen.

“Megamind, listen, I lately don't know what the tabloids have been saying, but Metro Man and I have  _ not  _ gotten back together.”

“I didn’t think you had, Miss Ritchi,” he said loftily. “Have you considered my offer? You know you’d be a great asset to the Forces of Evil.”

“Oddly enough, the prospect of becoming an Evil Henchwoman didn’t thrill me,” she replied. “I prefer my current position at KMCP. So thanks, but no thanks.”

“You wound me with your words, Miss Ritchi!” he cried, touching a hand to his heart. “And what would you say, my fearless reporter, if I asked you to be my  _ partner _ in crime? We could rule this city within the year.”

“Hmmm…” she pretended to think. “ _ If _ you asked, I’d probably say no. I prefer to stay on the right side of the law, and prison really wouldn’t really suit me.”

“Is that your final word on the matter?”

“Did you just bring me here to see if I was interested in joining the dark side, Megamind? Because I really haven't heard anything to change my mind yet.” She paused, raising an eyebrow. "Unless you have something new to put on the table? 'Join the Dark Side; we have cookies, perhaps?" Megamind laughed, a wicked laugh laced with genuine amusement. 

"I do know some excellent bakeries if you're interested... but sadly, you've already proven that it'll take more than delicious baked goods to get you to see things my way. I won't be falling for your clever ruse again!" He sighed, turning away. “However, since you are determined to stay on the path of righteousness, I’m afraid you’ll also be staying  _ here _ unless your ex decides to rescue you.” 

He left the tent, and she heard a sound like a switch being pulled.  Metal bars sprang up from the floor, curving together overhead to form a sort of… giant bird cage. Complete with a red cover.

Out of sight, she could here Megamind moving about and giving last-minute orders to the brain-bots. From here, all she could do was wait until the cameras turned on and the battle between good and evil began.

Roxanne sighed.

And here she’d thought that she’d be done waiting on evil plots now.

* * *

 

“Ah, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to make a choice, Metro Mahn!” Megamind proclaimed from somewhere outside the tent. “If you go to the docks to save Miss Phelps from drowning, there’s no  _ way _ you’ll make it back here in time to save your first love,  _ Roxanne Ritchi _ !”  

With that, the red canvas whooshed away and a spotlight fell on the cage in which she was held.

“Can I just say that we all should have seen this one coming?” Roxanne asked, looking around. “Because I really feel like I should’ve known this would happen.”

“Roxie! Don’t panic; I’ll find a way to save you both!” Metro Man declared from a screen on the portable mission-control station several yards away. (Roxanne had seen it before; it was a staple for any Megamind plot that didn’t involve riding directly into battle).

“I think Kristina is the one who’s panicking right now,” she retorted. On another screen, she could see Kristina, tied to a wooden structure and looking positively terrified as the water rose above her knees. That silver evening gown of hers would be ruined.

The cage lurched and began to rise, held aloft by a winch. Roxanne heard an odd hissing sound, then smelled the sharp, distinct scent of acid in vat-sized quantities.

“So, Hero, who’s it gonna be? You’re new Hollywood girlfriend, or the woman you dated for years? The clock is ticking, so you’d better decide soon!”

* * *

 

“Oh Metro Man!” Krisina cried as Megamind was loaded into the police van. “Thank You so much for saving me- for saving us  _ both _ .”,

“There’s no need to thank me, Kristina,” he replied, holding her close. “I was just doing what a hero does for the people he cares about.” Kristina looked up at him with tears in her eyes, the flashing red and blue police lights causing the beading on her soaking wet silver gown to sparkle.

“Oh Metro Man,” she said. “I care about you too! Really I do. But I don’t think we can be together anymore. I’m not-” her voice broke in a dramatic sob. “I’m not strong enough to be able to stand being kidnapped all the time!”

“Kristina, I-”

“No!” she cried, putting a finger to his lips. “Don’t say anything! This is how it has to be, between us. Go back to your Roxanne. She’s an amazing woman, strong enough and brave enough to stand by your side. I know you still love her; a woman can tell.” 

She stepped away and pointed toward Roxanne, who had finished giving her statement to the police and was now walking away. Metro Man hesitated a moment, then kissed Kristina’s hand in a gesture of farewell and turned to follow Roxanne. Nearby news cameras followed his every move.

* * *

 

“So,” Roxanne began. “Was Kristina working from a script when she gave that speech, or was it all improvised on the spot?”

“I think it was improvised, actually,” he said sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know she was going to leave me tonight, that’s for sure. But I guess I’m really not too good at seeing that stuff coming, even with my super-powers.”

“I’d say ‘love is blind’, but I don’t think that word is quite appropriate for what we had.”

“Come one, Roxie! You know I care about you. Just because my feelings aren’t romantic doesn’t mean they aren’t real! Whatever happened to our friendship?”  Roxanne shook her head.

“I’ve told you before that I don’t like being called ‘Roxie’,” she said. “And yet, you never remember. And when we were ‘dating’, we hardly ever spent time together except for post-kidnapping interviews and going as each other’s ‘plus ones’ to those fancy parties and ceremonies and such. I’m sorry, but that’s not what friendship looks like, Wayne.”

“Do you know that you’re the only one besides my parents who still uses my real name?” he asked, staring out into the city. “I know we don’t always get along, but I feel like you’re the only one who still thinks of me as a real person and not this- this  _ shining hero _ defending everyone from evil. I’m not perfect, Roxie- Roxanne. I’m not perfect, but I was hoping that you’d take me back anyway. We could… try to spend more time together outside work, if you want.” He looked at her expression, and his face fell. “Please, will you just think about it?”

“Leaving you doesn’t seem to have done me any good,” she admitted softly. “I still can’t get a date. I’m still being kidnapped.” She laughed bitterly. “The only real difference between then and now is, I can’t use your name to get into high-society gatherings anymore, and I’m not always guaranteed a front-row seat to the latest super-battles. It looks like I’m stuck as a Damsel for life.”  

“I… I’m really am sorry about that stuff,” he said,. “When all this started, back in the day, I never meant for it to be like this. I never wanted us to get trapped in these roles….” He shook his head. “It looks like Megamind, and this City, aren’t ever going to want us to be anything other than what we are.”

“I guess we could start fake-dating again,” Roxanne remarked, staring off into the distance “It’s what everyone’s expecting, after Kristina’s big speech. It’d probably good for you to have someone around to keep you grounded. Besides, I like giving exclusive reports.”  Wayne Scott smiled a smile as bright and open as the sun.

“Thanks, Roxie! I promise, I won’t let you down this time!”

Roxanne smiled back, hiding her irritation at the nickname. Like it or not, she was a damsel. She was dating the hero. Smiles were part of the package. 

Her thoughts turned unbidden to the black envelope that was hidden in her apartment. 

It wasn’t as if she was entirely without alternatives.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a lot of fun to write.  
> Also, I really, really want comments!


	5. Villainy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanne has a choice to make.
> 
> Sometimes, choosing Evil seems so very tempting....

Metro Man and Roxanne Ritchi got back together, their love apparently stronger than ever after their brief period of separation. There was some cheering, the cameras flashed, and people talked about how _romantic_ it all was.

Then the public moved on to other stories and fresher dramas, and things went back to normal.

Mostly.

Metro Man worried about the future. Roxie still hadn’t agreed to marry him, had made it clear that she never would.

Sooner or later, Roxie ( _his friend, his mask_ ) would leave him for good. How would he look without her by his side; what would they say about a hero who couldn’t keep the girl? Fame was a fickle friend, and the crowds would be so very quick to turn on him if he was anything less than perfect….

* * *

 

During  kidnappings, when the cameras were off, Megamind took to reminding his favorite captive that Villainy was still an excellent career option.

Roxanne didn’t need reminding.

* * *

 

“Aaaand, that’s a wrap, Roxaroo!” Hal announced. “So, you wanna like, get some coffee or something? There’s this great Starbucks right down the street here, and-”

“Thanks but no thanks, Hal,” she replied, smiling tightly. “I’ve got a _date_ this evening.”

“Oh yeah, that big dinner thing at City Hall. So, I guess everything’s all patched up between you and Metro Man, huh?”

“We got back together almost three months ago, Hal. So yes, everything’s ‘all patched up’.”

“Okay. Just, if you two are ever having any problems, you know you can talk to me about it. If he wasn’t treating you right I would like, set him straight, man to man. The guy should know that he’s got a lot of competition for a girl as sexy as you.” Roxanne edged away, towards the van. _I should report him to HR_ , she thought.

“Um. That’s… nice of you, but it won’t be necessary. I really-”

“Seriously, Roxie! Just because he’s rich, has huge muscles, great hair, and can fly, doesn’t mean he’s better than everyone else!” Hal leered. “I’m just sayin’, if you two ever break up again, it doesn’t mean you’d have to be alone.”

“Right. Well. I really need to be getting home so I can get ready for my _date_ with my _boyfriend_ ,” she announced brightly. _Except the guys at HR would never believe HAL would try to hit on ‘Metro Man’s girlfriend’_.

“Do you want me to drop you off at your place, or the station?” she asked, turning away to load the sound-equipment into the van.

“The station. I need to edit the footage from the interview,” he answered, brushing against her as he reached past to stow the camera. “Hey, could that guy have _been_ any more long-winded? I was falling asleep on my feet in there.”

“So he went into a lot of technical detail,” she retorted, edging away. “It’ll give our viewers a clear idea of the significance of the scientific advances being made. Besides, as Scott Industries representatives go, it could have been a _lot_ worse.” She went to driver’s seat and started the engine.

“All I’m saying,” Hal said as he slid into the passenger seat, “Is that if you’re going to build an awesome robo-suite for search-and-rescue missions and construction work and stuff, you should just say _that_ . I mean, why’d he have to go on and on about patents and power-sources, and how the joints are put together and all that noise? The guy managed to make _robo-suits_ sound boring!”

“Would you have preferred it if he announced a plan to take over the city using the new Cybernetic Mecha-Suit and opened fire during the interview?” she asked dryly.

“Nonono, that’s not what I meant!” he protested, waving a hand. “I mean, I could totally handle it, if that guy went crazy or something. He’s like an engineer; it’s not like he’s been working out like me or anything.” _Right. Sure you do._ “I’d be like, ‘Take that, and that!’. And then he’d be all ‘No, not the face!’. And I’d totally catch you if you swooned in fear or anything,” he said, shooting her a grin. Her skin crawled.

“I’ve never swooned in fear in my life, Hal,” she said, struggling to keep her voice calm and level. “Now let’s listen to the radio, shall we?”

She turned it on before he could respond.

* * *

 

“See yah soony, Roxaroony!” Hal waived as she pulled out of the KMCP parking lot.

Ye gods, she wished she didn’t have to work with that man.

Hal Stewart had started hitting on her the moment she’d announced the breakup. When she and Metro Man got back together again a few months later, Hal barely slowed down. He was quite possibly the only man in the city who thought he had a chance with Metro Man’s girlfriend, ‘ex’ or otherwise, and he would not. Take. A. Hint.

She clenched the wheel hard as she turned onto Main Street.

She’d tried telling him that she wasn’t interested. She’d told him ‘no’ every single time he asked her out, but he refused to stop. She could, hypothetically, report him to HR, but what were the odds of them taking her seriously?

Standing uncomfortably close was not the same as inappropriate touching, and tastelessly suggestive comments were _obviously_ _just him trying to be nice, jeez, you diva, can’t you take a compliment?_ Besides, Hal was damn good at his job, and possibly the only cameraman left in the city who was willing to work with Roxanne Ritchi, Investigative Reporter and frequent target of super-villains.

Roxanne growled under her breathe. She realized that she was speeding a little, and slowly eased up on the gas pedal. A ticket was the last thing she needed right now. Besides, she was almost home.

Home, and then off to fake a smile next to her fake boyfriend at that fancy banquet filled with fancy, fake people.

Oh. Joy.

And she couldn’t even tell her ‘boyfriend’ about Hal, because what would he even do? ‘Muscle-bound Superhero Tells His Girlfriend’s Nerdy, Unattractive Co-Worker to Stay Away From His Girl’ would look _so good_ for _both_ of their reputations.

Oh, look.

She’d arrived at her apartment.

* * *

 

  It had seemed like such a good idea at the start, such a fair bargain.

He’d have someone to take to the parties, someone to tell people about when they asked about his love life. She’d have ticket to people and events not accessible with just your average press-pass. Roxanne would be kidnapped and Metro Man would rescue her; he’d get the glory of saving the day, and she’d get the exclusives.

Smile for the pictures.

The arrangement didn’t seem like such a good deal anymore. While Metro Man had the adulation of the public, Roxanne was still struggling to gain respect and recognition outside her role as ‘The Damsel’. Access to the upper echelons of Metro City society no longer seemed like adequate compensation for finding herself in hostage situations multiple times per month. If something went wrong in an Evil Plot, she could be injured or killed.

Metro Man, invulnerable superhero that he was, faced no such risks.

Roxanne laughed bitterly as she turned to the closet and pulled out the dress for her ‘date’. It wasn’t as if _not_ being the Damsel had worked out for her. When she broke it off with Metro Man, she’d experienced all of the downsides ( _can’t stop the kidnappings, can’t get a date, can’t escape Metro Man’s shadow, can’t can’t can’t_ ) with none of the perks. A little respect, a little _agency_ was that to much to ask?

Apparently so

She examined her scars in the mirror. There was the one on her ribcage, thin and white, about three inches long. Another on her side, just above the left hip-bone. The third was an angry line of raised, pinkish-white scar-tissue that ran diagonally across the right side of her stomach, ending at the navel.

Her scars were not attractive like the ones you saw in the movies. Nor were these the scars of a warrior, evidence of her having fought in battle. She’d been tied up at the time. She hadn’t been able to fight; she hadn’t even been able to run away.

She’d been helpless.

She twisted around to do up her zipper, then looked around for her shoes. Those strappy white heels would work well with this outfit. She’d show up in a classy red dress with white trim, arm in arm with a white-tuxedo-ed Wayne Scott, and they’d say ‘ _what a cute couple_ ’ and ‘ _so glad they’re back together_ ’ and ‘ _don’t they look perfect together_ ’.

Roxanne was a tv reporter; she knew how to convincingly fake a smile.

She’d left Wayne because she wasn’t happy in their ‘relationship’. Now that they were back together she was still unhappy, but at least now… at least she had tried something different.

_Different. Ha._

Megamind thought she should become a Super-Villain. He’d even sent her a letter with instructions on what to do if she decided she wanted to join the ‘Forces of Evil’.

She wasn’t going to accept his offer, of course she wasn’t, but  it was something to think about.

As a Villain, she’d be making the news instead of reporting it. She’d finally get a little respect, get to see some fear and awe in their eyes when people saw her, and oh, she looked good in black. Imagining that feeling of power, of being the one with a plan, the one who initiated the conflict instead of just observing and reporting on it… It was a tempting proposition.

Not that she was actually going to become a villain. Of course. It was just something to think about.

Roxanne found the shoes, fixed up her hair and makeup, and told herself to think positive. She’d be renewing some important contacts at this banquette: the DA, the Chief of Police and his wife, the Mayor, and of course Mr. and Mrs. Scott and a selection of their well-heeled friends would all be in attendance. There might be snippets of news-worthy information in the gossip- and of course there was always the chance that Megamind would choose to attack the event. He was out of prison at the moment, and he seemed to enjoy targeting these high-end gatherings.

The doorbell rang, and Roxanne sighed. That would be her ‘ _boyfriend_ ’, here to pick her up for their ‘ _date_ ’.

How lovely.

“Wayne!” she exclaimed as she opened the door. “You’re right on time; I’m just about ready to head out.” Wayne nodded and stepped inside the doorway.

“Good to see you, Roxie,” he said. “You look like nice; I like the dress.”  Roxanne frowned.

“I’ve asked you before to call me ‘Roxanne’, Wayne. You know how I hate the nicknames, and-- Wait. Why are you in uniform?”

“Well, I have to look good for my fans, don’t I?” he said, striking a pose. She raised an eyebrow. “Seriously though, we both know that when I’m scheduled for an appearance, Megamind tends to either crash the party or cause some mayhem elsewhere while he knows I’m not on patrol. I’d rather not lose another tux to the laser-blasts.”. Roxanne shook her head.

“You do realize that you’re allowed to have a life outside the whole ‘Metro Man’ gig, right?” she asked as they headed out the door. She paused a moment to lock it behind her. “Honestly- the world wouldn’t come to an end if you took a day off every once in awhile.”

“Says the queen of ‘professional over personal’” he shot back. “Speaking of which, got any good gossip?” Roxanne shot him a _look_ as they headed toward the elevators. He smiled back innocently.

“My latest story is on Scott Industries, actually. Your company has made some stunning advances in robotics over the last three years, and KMCP wants to run a story on the Cybernetic Mecha-Suits. Any word on when they’ll be hitting the market?”

“Well, you know I’m just the majority shareholder; I don’t actually _run_ Scott Industries…”

“You turned down a position as CEO so you could focus on heroics, I know. But I’m guessing you can still get me the inside scoop, or else you would’ve said, so…?”

“There’s plans to have them on the market within six months,” he said with a wink. “You sure you don’t want to just fly over to the party? It’d be a lot quicker.”

“I’m sure. If we fly, it will mess up my hair. If a woman shows up at this kind of party with messy hair, her ballroom-cred is ruined.” She looked sharply at him as they stepped into the elevator. “You _did_ bring the car, right? Because I am not flying to one of these events again. We either take the car, or I’m staying home.”

“I got the car!” he exclaimed. “Jeez, it was just a suggestion! Maybe I won’t tell you about where they got the ideas for the mecha-suits now.”

“Oh? Where did they get the idea?”

“I just said I wouldn’t tell you, Roxie- Roxanne. Maybe if you asked nicely instead of ragging on me all the time, I might be more inclined to share.”

“Wayne, please tell me the secret, because if you don’t, we both know that I will find out from someone else eventually, and then you won’t be able to get _your_ side of the story in _first_.”

“...I’ll tell you when we get to the car. You’re going to love this!”

The elevator doors opened, and they stepped into the lobby. Roxanne waived to the doorman, Carlos, as they left the building and headed for the chauffeured limo that was, indeed, waiting at the curb. Once inside, Wayne leaned in conspiratorially.

“Okay, what I’m about to tell you has to stay completely off the record, alright? Does not leave this car.”

“Ooh, top secret,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You do realize that as a reporter, I’m not always good at keeping things to myself....”

“Yeah, but when you hear this one, I think you’ll understand why it shouldn’t be advertised. So, the technology for the mecha-suits is cutting edge. Scott Industries’ labs have produced something above and beyond what any of the competition is doing.” He grinned. “Ask me how we did it! Go on, ask me!”

“Please tell me you didn’t steal Megamind’s tech, reverse-engineer it, and attempt to pass it off as a Scott Industries original invention,” she said flatly.

“ Wha- You didn’t even….” He slowly shook his head. “There’s just no way to keep secrets from you, is there. How did you guess that right off the bat, first try and everything?” Roxanne gave him a Look.

“You told me this was secret, off-the-record information. And then you started talking about Scott Industry’s ‘cutting-edge’ invention, and I suddenly remembered how similar it was to Megamind’s ‘Exoskeleton of Evil’.” She folded her arms. “Two and two is four.”

“Look, I can tell you’re not crazy about the idea…” he said, running a hand through his hair,  “But just hear me out, okay? These mecha-suits will revolutionize all kinds of fields: search and rescue, fire-fighting, construction... maybe even military applications! Manufacturing them here in Metro City will create new jobs and stimulate the economy. Megamind’s work will be actually benefiting the people of Metro City for once, instead of just serving his own interests. Everyone wins.” He paused, smiling, then stopped when he saw her face. “...Why are you looking at me like that, Roxie?”

“Wayne…” she started. “Wayne. First of all, no. Not ‘everyone wins’. Megamind is clearly being robbed in this scenario. Like it or not, he will notice and he will retaliate. That is not a prediction; that is a fact. Second of all, I’m fairly certain this little _scheme_ broke at least three laws-”

“Scheme?” The hero raised his eyebrows. “It’s just smart business, Roxie. And what’s wrong with trying to make something good out of a bad situation?”

“Well, if it involves stealing evidence from a crime scene, fraud, wrongful patent claims-”

“That last one isn’t technically illegal unless you have truly terrible lawyers! And I didn’t _steal_ anything; I _offered_ to clean up the debris after the battle, and--”

“Are you even listening to yourself?!” she cried, throwing her hands up. “You are _handing_ Megamind an excuse for mayhem on a silver platter, do you realize that?! I can think of six different evil plots based on this information, right off the top of my head!”

“Like he doesn’t cause mayhem anyway, Roxie!” Metro Man rolled his eyes. “He’s going to cause trouble no matter what we do, so why bother walking on eggshells around him when action can help the common good?”

“Oh, so now it’s okay to rob and blatantly taunt a notoriously vindictive Supervillain, just because you think he’d ‘cause trouble no matter what’?” She smacked her forehead. “You ever think that that kind of attitude is the _reason_ he tries to kill you on a bi-monthly basis? At least consider the damage to the city that this kind of battle will cause-”

“Oh, so now I’m the bad guy! Just because I’m trying to look out for the common interests…!” He threw his hands up in appeal. “This is Megamind you’re defending!” They were approaching City Hall now. “You know, the crazed Supervillain who _regularly_ initiates hostage situations, does heists, and attacks the city for fun?!” Roxanne gave him a cold look.

“Wayne, you do not get to talk to me about how dangerous Megamind is,” she hissed as the car came to a stop. “You do not get to use my kidnappings to support your argument. Trust me, I _know_. But that is a conversation that we will be saving for another time, because right now we have a party to go to, and right now we have to pretend like we’re in love.”

The chauffeur opened the limousine door. The Hero and Damsel were arm-in-arm as they stepped out among the flashing camera lights.

Smile for the picture.

* * *

 

The party went as planned, all expensive champagne and glittering smiles and beautiful people.

If Roxanne wanted to scream her lungs out and tell all those classist, xenophobic hypocrites (and Wayne was one of them, she realized, he really was) what she really thought of them- if she wanted to destroy that glittering white ice sculpture that the Mayor seemed so proud of and maybe also, perhaps, set something on fire-  

Well.

No one would guess, to see her smile.

* * *

 

“So good to see you again, Miss Ritchi!” Megamind’s voice echoed from an indeterminate place outside the spotlight. “I do hope you’re prepared tor the _terrors_ that await you tonight!”

“Is this going to take long?” she asked. “I’ve got this big meeting at work tomorrow morning, and I’d really rather not have to show up with only two hours of sleep. Again.”

“This plan shouldn’t take more than three h-”

“DON’T answer that Minion! What have I told you about telling Miss Ritchi about our plans?”

There was a pause.

“...You said not to do it?” The sound echoed oddly in the gloom; she still couldn’t pin down the source. “Unless there was something specific we wanted to reveal for the-”

“Minion!”

“Do you guys have some kind of tricked-out audio setup here?” Roxanne broke in, “Or is it just really weird acoustics?”

“The eyes can often mislead a person, Miss Ritchi.” Megamind’s voice seemed to come from everywhere at once now. Definitely a sound system. “Do you feel _scared_ knowing that you can’t believe your ears, either?”

“I hear a lot of things in my line of work. I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at telling the truth from the lies.”

“And do you ever tell lies, Miss Ritchi?” She stiffened. “I know you’ve heard your fair share of secrets. How far would you go to keep them?”

“Not as far as some might’ve liked,” she smirked. _Keep it light, Roxanne; keep it cool_. “I am a reporter, after all; keeping secrets isn’t really in the job description.” It was practically required for Damsel’s, however.

“That wasn’t a denial.”

“Technically, there’s a difference between _lying_ and _not making tv broadcasts that are practically guaranteed to inspire Evil Plots_. I will not be held responsible for helping perpetuate this feud.” Megamind laughed, his voice echoing in the space so you couldn't tell the source.

“Are you saying you don’t want to help, Miss Ritchi, or merely that you don’t want to be held responsible?”

This. This was a bad idea. But he was going to find out about Metro Man’s scheme eventually. There was less… less obvious potential for destruction if he found out at this phase of development, before Scott Industries came out with an army’s worth of piloted Cybernetic Mecha-Suits ready to be taken over remotely and cause havoc, with Metro Man unable to stop them for fear of injuring the pilots held hostage inside….

“Let’s cut to the chase. I have some information that could be very valuable to you, Megamind. I’m willing to tell you all the details now, in exchange for my immediate release and an interview at a later date.” There was a silence, and some brief clicking and shuffling noises, then Megamind stepped into the light. He smiled devilishly.

“You intrigue me, Miss Ritchi. Is this you finally agreeing to join me as a Super-Villain? You know that together, we could rule the city, side by side...” She shook her head.

“Can’t this be just a one-time thing? I’m not wanting to commit; I just want to pull one over on Metro Man tonight. Trust me; he has it coming.” Megamind leaned down and looked her in the eye.

“Temptress.” She blushed. “How about you tell me what you know _first_ , and _I_ decide if the information’s worth changing my plans for the night?”

“My immediate release, and an interview at a later date. Those are my terms; take ‘em or leave ‘em.” He laughed suddenly, rocking back on his heels.

“You drive a hard bargain, Miss Ritchi,” he said, looking at her approvingly. “Alright. I accept your terms. What is it that you’re so eager to share with me?”

She took a deep breath, her mouth suddenly dry.

“About a year ago, you tried to defeat Metro Man and take over the city using the ‘Exoskeleton of Evil,’ a device of your own invention.”

_Just keep calm and tell it like it’s a report._

“After the fight, Metro Man offered to clean up the debris. He collected the parts from the Exosuit and brought them to a Scott Industries laboratory. They’ve successfully reverse-engineered and patented your invention, and are prepared to start manufacturing it large-scale within two months. They’re marketing it as a ‘Cybernetic Mecha-Suits,’ perfect for all your cutting edge construction, search-and-rescue, and Show Business-related needs. There’s also be some interest in military applications, but they’re being a bit cagier about that part.” She hesitated a moment. “I’ve been able to hold back KMCP’s report on Scott Industry’s ‘cutting-edge technological innovation’ so far, but barring unforeseen events, they’re going to want to run it within a week.”

She looked at Megamind, waiting for a response. For a moment his face was- entirely blank. Then he frowned, thunderous and cold.

“Minion! Power down the Sonic Cannon; there’s been a change of plan.”

“Yes, sir,” Minion replied, his voice uncharacteristically grim. Roxanne heard footsteps and a series of clacking-noises, and then there was an odd absence of sound as a low humming noise in the background suddenly went silent.

Megamind turned his attention back to her.

“Would you prefer to be dropped off at your apartment building, or some other place?” he asked. She blinked. She hadn’t allowed herself to believe, really believe, that he would actually let her go.

“Ah… my apartment building will be fine. So! I’ll be in touch about that interview… I’m guessing you and Minion have some revenge to plot at the moment.” To her surprise, he shook his head.

“This one goes beyond rev-aunge, Miss Ritchi. He broke the Rules. He stole what’s mine and tried to claim it as his own, and I can’t let that stand. This is Reckoning.”

All at once, Roxanne was reminded of the fact that the weapons, the danger, and the stakes were in fact real.

The Game was only a game because Hero and Villain chose to play by certain rules, rules that they could just as easily, and at any time, choose not to follow.

As she rode home, blindfolded in the back of an Invisible Car driven by a card-carrying Evil Minion, she reflected on the fact that it had been the hero who broke the rules.

* * *

 

 _To the esteemed Miss Ritchi,_ the letter began.

She’d always appreciated that about Megamind: he kept it professional. _He_ never called her ‘Roxie’, Roxaroo, Rox the Fox, or any other ‘fun’ nickname. It was always ‘Miss Ritchi’ or occasionally ‘Nosy Reporter’ if she asked a particularly piercing question.

(Well. Last time, he’d called her ‘Temptress’. But.)

 

> _I would like to know if you are thinking about becoming a SuperVillain. A person with your intelligence, persistence, keen observational skills, and experience working with Supers would definitely be welcome among the Forces of Evil in Metro City._

She wasn’t thinking about becoming a Super Villain, not really. She was just going through her closet, looking for ideas for a Halloween costume. Halloween was only a few months away; it was never too early to prepare. Did she still have that leather jacket, or the mask from that masquerade ball last summer? What about the crown she’d made from wire, or the vampire cape?

 

> _I think you have a lot of potential for Evil in you, if you just put your mind to it! If you are interested in a career in Villainy, please be in touch._

Roxanne liked to think that there was good in everyone, but the other side of that was the fact that everyone had a bit of evil in them as well, and she was no exception. Some days, she just wanted to say to hell with being nice. She tried to do things the right way, to use her position as an investigative reporter to draw attention to the very real corruption and inequality in Metro City, but nobody seemed to listen.

When a Supervillain talks, everybody listens. Wouldn’t it be lovely to be able to make people pay attention to those hard truths that nobody wants to talk about?

She found her one pair of fishnets hidden at the bottom of the sock-drawer, then rummaged through her closet until she found that long-lost pair of combat-boots. Perfect.

 

> _As the Master of All Villainy in Metro City, I will inform you of the Rules, territory boundaries, and certain specialty suppliers involved in operating as a Villain in Metro City._

Among the upper echelons of Metro City, Megamind was widely regarded as the most ineffectual ‘Supervillain’ ever to claim the title. After all, he’d battled Metro Man countless times without a single victory to show for it, and he always ended up back in prison.

It was laughable, really.

They didn’t know about Megamind’s protection rackets, about the ‘Safe Neighborhoods,’ the brainbot patrols, the rigidly enforced drug-purity standards.

They didn’t know about how all the street-gangs in Metro bowed down and paid tribute.

They didn’t know that ‘Master of All Villainy’ wasn’t just an empty title; that Megamind had been ruling the underworld in Metro City for years.

Roxanne knew, of course. She had started investigating his activities after the first kidnapping. She never told anyone what she knew, though, never made a report. She hadn’t even told Wayne.

If she told people that areas under the Supervillain’s protection were actually safer than the neighborhoods where Metro Man made his regular patrols, well. Who would believe her? Her reputation wasn’t _that_ secure, and people are quick to turn on you if you appear to be on the wrong side.

 

> _While I don’t anticipate any problems in this regard, I must warn you: if you choose a career in Villainy and you break the Rules in this city, your career will end_ very _swiftly. My regard for you in our working relationship will not prevent me from enforcing the Rules._

The homemade wire crown had become bent out of shape, so Roxanne discarded it. It wouldn’t have fit with the other pieces anyway. The cape was also out. She wanted something… different. A little more punk, a little less cut-rate vampire. A spiky leather jacket over a red camisole, that would suit her better. (She probably wouldn’t be able to pull off the caped look anyway.)

 

> _That said, if you are interested in becoming a Super Villain, I hope you will consider working with me. If you would inform me of Metro Man’s weakness, I would be willing to provide you with weapons, armor/costume, and other resources._

She didn’t know Metro Man’s weakness.

She wouldn’t tell Megamind, even if she did.

She wouldn’t. He was her… _friend_ , even if they couldn’t seem to talk to one another without arguing these days. Even if she was starting to really understand why Megamind and Minion were so hell-bent on fighting him.

Megamind’s offer of support was dependent on her telling him the Hero’s weakness.

Since she didn’t know, she couldn’t trade for Megamind’s support. And it wasn’t as if she had any powers of her own; it wasn’t as if she could throw fireballs or build her own laser cannons; it wasn’t as if she could afford the kind of equipment that villainy requires.

Even if she were interested in turning to the dark side ( _which she wasn’t; of course she wasn’t_ ), she didn’t have what it took to do it properly.

Roxanne went through her purse, bathroom cabinets, and miscellaneous drawers, gathering up every bottle of nail polish, hair-styling product, and makeup she owned. Then she brought the supplies to her vanity, sat down, and got to work. A mask wouldn’t work for the look she was going for (Megamind once said that masks were for people who didn’t take pride in their work), but properly dramatic makeup, or even face-paint, combined with the right hairstyle… It’s all about presentation.

 

> _We could rule the city within the year. If unavoidable, unforeseen setbacks were to prevent that, well, my organization provides excellent healthcare services and you know that Minion is good at snacks._

‘We’ could rule the city within the year. Was that ‘ _we_ ’ as in him and Roxanne, together? Or was it ‘ _we_ ’ as in him and Minion? Or just him?

Megamind was not known for sharing. Money, power, attention, blame-- he always tried to claim the lion’s share for himself.

If she helped Megamind defeat his rival and conquer the city, he would reign as Evil Overlord, and she would be-- what? Evil Queen? Or, more likely, a henchwoman, subordinate to him and Minion?

No.

It wasn’t as if she was seriously considering Villainy, anyway. This was entirely hypothetical.

Entirely. Hypothetical.

She finished applying the mascara, then went to examine herself in the full-length mirror that hung on the inside of her bathroom door.

Well. She didn’t look like a professional reporter anymore, that was certain.

She also didn’t look like your classic damsel in distress. ( _She never did, really, with her short hair and her refusal to scream. Kristina Phelps had played the part of Damsel better than Roxanne ever had_.)

Her face was framed with a wild halo of spikes; smokey eye-makeup and dark lipstick giving her a rather aggressive look. With her short skirt, leather jacket, fishnets, and combat boots, she looked more like a punk rocker than anything else.

She looked _bad_.

Certainly not the sort of woman you’d expect to see one the arm of a superhero.

Roxanne smiled, slow and wicked.

It could be fun to play pretend.

* * *

 

**Sunday evening.  KMCP8’s 7 o’clock broadcast.**

> _Roxanne Ritchi stood by the curb in front of the the burning building, microphone in hand._
> 
> _Behind her, firefighters attempted to douse blaze. Water shot from the hoses, into the fire- fire that kept burning as glowing embers of chemically-fueled flame were carried on the blasts of water to places not previously reached._
> 
> _Blue-white flames lept from shattered windows, blackening the once-pristine facade and casting the scene in a strange, ghoulish light._
> 
> _“This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting live from a fire at the Scott Industries Research & Development Building, located on the corner of 7th and King Street.” _
> 
> _The camera zoomed in to focus on Metro Man, hovering above the roof of the building. He inhaled the smoke and flame, siphoning the air away until all the fire within five feet of him simply flickered out. Then- just as he was turning to move on to the next section- the blue fire whooshed back to life like a trick birthday-candle from hell._
> 
> _“Metro Man is working with our local fire department to contain the blaze, which authorities believe to have been caused by arson. The fire began…”_

* * *

 

> _“This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting from the Scott Industries Research & Development Building, where the fire has been burning for going on six hours. Metro Man, what can you tell us?” _
> 
> _“Well you see Roxie, the Fire Department is bringing in…”_

* * *

 

It took them fifteen hours, three firetrucks, and about 900 Lbs of sand to put out the fire.

The Research & Development Building was burned down to the foundations, with only a charred, partially collapsed husk remaining.

The fire department said they were lucky it had happened on a Sunday, when the place was empty; if had happened during the week, people would have died. As it stood, the building and thousands of dollars worth of equipment had been destroyed, and over 350 Scott Industries employees were now out of work. The whole area was cordoned off with police tape pending an investigation.

Megamind did not officially claim credit for the fire, and the motive for the arson was not officially known.

Unofficially, everyone knew who was responsible for destroying the Scott Industries lab with a deadly blue fire that refused to die.

To the general population, the fire was a threat, proof of Megamind’s unpredictability and evil. To Metro Man, aka Wayne Scott, it was a message: S _teal from me, break my rules, and I will burn down the world around you._

There was a reason people followed the Rules.

There was a reason Megamind controlled the underworld in Metro City.

Roxanne stared at the fragile, burnt-out husk of what had once been a center of science, creativity, and innovation.

The place Megamind burned down because of something she’d told him. The place Megamind, Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy, mercilessly destroyed because someone tried to steal his inventions, tried to steal credit for his work and use it to benefit humanity in general and the Scott family business in particular.

Roxanne thought about the letter he’d sent her- _When I injure someone, I want it to be on purpose_ , he’d said.

She thought about all the people who’d lost their livelihoods because of this fire, all the terror and destruction Megamind had caused over the years. When a Supervillain talks, everyone listens.

She came to a decision.

* * *

 

Shortly after she’d broken up with Metro Man, Megamind sent Roxanne a letter asking her if she was interested in becoming a Supervillain. It had included instructions on how to reply: she was to place a note in the black metal box under the bench in the red pavilion at the Woodland Metro Park.

She’d kept the note secret, then, hidden it away while she tried to try out freedom, kept it hidden when she resumed her fake relationship with Metro Man. She’d never actually sent a response.

They’d talked since then, and she’d... _hinted_ about possible interest. She’d _implied_ refusal. Now it was time she gave a definitive answer.

Woodland Park was about a half-mile in diameter, a surprising patch of green in a neighborhood that had housed factory workers before the factory closed ten years ago, and now mostly housed people who couldn’t afford to live someplace better.

It featured a rundown basketball court, a rusty swing-set and junglegym, the usual scattering of trees and picnic tables… and a steep hill topped by a gazebo painted the most garish shade of red imaginable. Megamind’s secret drop-off point was _ridiculously_ conspicuous; there was no way anyone could go by this park without spotting the red gazebo.

 _And that’s the point_ , she thought as she made her way up the slope. _This is Megamind’s turf. He doesn’t_ need _to hide._

This was not a neighborhood one would describe as ‘affluent’, ‘upwardly mobile’, or even ‘quaint’. It was an area where if you owned property, you paid protection money to the local Super Villain, and heaven help you if there were any late fees because the cops certainly wouldn’t.

This was what locals called a Safe Neighborhood: what Megamind claimed, he protected.

Roxanne arrived outside the gazebo and then… paused a moment, turning away from the structure to look at the view from the top of the hill. From here she could see the entire park, surrounded as it was by lines of shabby tenements occasionally interrupted by the odd corner-store, pawn shop, or bar. There was a group of young kids playing on the jungle gym; a couple older ones stood nearby, apparently monitoring their younger compatriots. The sun was shining, and behind the sound of birdsong one could hear the constant roar of traffic on the overpass.

She didn’t have to deliver this letter. She could turn around right now, continue to keep her options open, continue to walk the line.

Or she could follow through.

She stepped into the gazebo. There under the bench, inconspicuous but not hidden, was the black metal box. Now or never.

A few minutes later, Roxanne left the red gazebo empty-handed, walked back down the hill to her car, and drove away.

She didn’t notice (or didn’t seem to notice) the brainbot that watched her go, recording all vehicles and passers-by from its spot hovering just above the streetlight at the corner.

 

 

> _To Megamind_
> 
> _Criminal Genius & Master of All Villainy, _
> 
> _I’m writing to let you know that I’m not interested in a career in Villainy at this time, nor do I anticipate pursuing such a career in the future. While I appreciate your offer of support, I don’t think I’m suited to the job. I’m happy with my current position as an Investigative Reporter, and I don’t want to leave it behind._
> 
> _Thank you for the offer, and for respecting my wishes in this matter. I look forward to our upcoming interview, and I hope that it can be arranged without the need for an extra kidnapping._
> 
> _Sincerely,_
> 
> _Roxanne Ritchi_


	6. Captive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you just feel trapped.

“Hello, John Parker speaking.”

“Hello, Warden Parker? This is Roxanne Ritchi, calling on behalf of KMCP News--”

“Roxanne-- the hostage?” he blurted. “Wait. Why are you calling on my personal cell-phone? How did you get this number?”

“Your secretary wouldn’t put me through; he said he has standing orders to block all members of the press,” she explained, electing to ignore the second question. “I’m calling to set up an interview with one of your high-security inmates.”

  
“I’ll just bet you are,” the Warden growled. “This is about Megamind, isn’t it.”

“Yes, actually,” she said, pulling out a pen and notepad. “KMCP believes that an in-person interview with our City’s most notorious Super-Villain will give viewers greater insight into--”

“No.” 

“Mr. Parker, the KMCP News Station is prepared to pay a visiting fee for access to the MC Prison For The Criminally Gifted. Name your price; we’re willing to negotiate with--”

“I don’t take bribes, I don’t need donations, and I won’t compromise on security,” he said flatly. “No press, no cameras, no interviews, and no visitors for Megamind. I do  _ not _ want to have to replace the wall of the Visiting Room again.”

“I’m not trying to bribe you, sir, and of course we’ll work with you to find the best possible way to conduct this interview without compromising security,” Roxanne said soothingly. “Can we work out the details here over the phone, or would you prefer to discuss the matter in person?” 

“I never said you could have that interview,” the Warden growled. “And even if I did, what makes you think he’ll play along? Even before we instituted our current visitation policies, Megamind was never interested in playing nice with the Press.”

“ _ Megamind _ has already agreed to the interview.”

“Oh  _ really _ ,” he said, voice dripping with a skepticism. “Care to explain how you _think_ you managed that one, Miss Ritchi? I would’ve thought that if he wanted to give an interview, he would’ve ‘arranged’ for one while he was still at large.”

“You’re not wrong. When he agreed to it, he was probably planning on writing out all the questions himself and making the interview into the opening act for his next Evil Plan,” she conceded. “But he’ll keep his word if I can arrange the interview on  _ my _ terms  _ first _ .” 

“I’m not buying it,” he snapped. “Admit it, Miss Ritchi, you just want a chance to see him when he’s the one in the cage.” Roxanne bit her lip.

“That’s not how I would put it,” she said. “The public is used to seeing Megamind onscreen during the Evil Plots, or immediately after an arrest. KMCP News thinks that this interview will both improve ratings and give viewers a new perspective on our city’s Supervillain. If you’re willing, this could also be an opportunity to showcase the MCPCG’s state-of-the-art security systems,” she added.

“Not gonna happen. If I allowed you to film this Prison’s security systems, I’d be giving everyone who saw that footage the opportunity to analyze and undermine those systems. I will not allow this interview to facilitate a security breach.” 

“You said you didn’t want another incident with the Visiting Room...” she said slowly, biting back a smile at the success of her P _retend You Already Have Permission Until They Go Along With It_ strategy. “Would it be possible to conduct the interview while he’s still in his cell?”

“It would be tricky,” he replied. “Megamind’s cell is a Type-6 Supermax; the viewing window in the door can allow conversation if you go right up to it, but I doubt it would film well.”

“I’m sure we can work something out,” Roxanne said, switching the phone to her left hand and typing  _ type 6 supermax prison cell _ into the search bar on her laptop. “Would it be possible for us to incorporate footage from the security cameras?”

“Probably not. There are  privacy laws about that sort of thing.”

“Fair enough,” she replied. “Is this a good time to go over the details?”

* * *

 

To reach the Metro City Prison For the Criminally Gifted, you almost have to leave the City entirely: in fact, it felt like they did. 

Watching the skyscrapers of Metro City shrink in her rear-view mirror, driving south past the grassy, overgrown fields that were only technically within city limits, Roxanne could almost imagine that she was leaving the city forever in favor of some grand new adventure.

“I can’t believe they’re making us go to the prison!” Hal complained, interrupting her thoughts. “Like, you’re already forced to be near him when he kidnaps you, and now they’re making you do this interview?! In  _ prison _ . Un-freaking-believable!” Roxanne rolled her eyes.

“I arranged this interview myself, Hal,” she said, slightly exasperated. “It’s a chance to show the citizens of Metro City a side of Megamind that they don’t usually see.”

“What, the ‘hardened convict’ side as opposed to the ‘evil super-villain’ side?” He snorted. “Face it Roxaroo, the dude’s nothing but an evil weirdo. If you ask me, we’d be better off doing a piece on puppies at the animal shelter or something. It’ll be just like going to the prison, except instead of psycho murderers and robbers and whatever, it’d just be cute puppies!” Roxanne rolled her eyes.

“Last time I did a piece on animal shelters, you spent the whole time complaining about your fur allergy,” she said. “Besides, we’re almost there.”

The blocky grey construction of concrete and steel loomed in the empty landscape: an impregnable fortress set against the incongruously cheerful blue of the sky. Squat lookout towers protruded from either side, and as she approached, she saw a black-and-white Welcome sign affixed to the barbed-wire fence. 

This was a building very clearly designed to entrap and enclose, to keep what was inside away from the rest of the world. Just looking at it casting it’s long shadow over the road gave Roxanne an automatic urge to escape, to avoid entering the place that was so very clearly a prison.

The guest parking lot, she’d been told, was on the other side; she should see it just before the road out of Metro City came to a T and turned onto an old two-lane state highway. Even so, she almost missed it. An unmarked, triangular patch of asphalt just outside the walls, the so-called ‘guest parking’ didn’t seem meant to accommodate many visitors at a time. 

Then again, Roxanne thought, visitors to this particular enclosure might be a scarce.

The Metro City Prison for the Criminally Gifted, so named for its tradition of holding high-profile convicts from across the country, had once been famous for its high security and exceptional holding rate. 

However, in more recent years it had become famous for  _ not _ holding Megamind, and some had even begun to raise concerns about poor management and lax discipline. This was, in Roxanne’s opinion, unfair: if you didn’t count Megamind, the Prison’s track-record was as solid as ever. 

As for security… going by her own experience, if there were gaping holes in the system (and she didn’t think there were), it was not for lack of effort. 

When she and Hal walked up to the booth in front of the main gate, the guard had them both state their business and present their ID’s and press-passes before he called inside to confirm that they actually had an appointment. 

After being allowed through the main gates, they repeated the process at each of three ( _ three _ ) fences between the first booth and the main building. 

When they finally got inside, they had to go through a metal-detector. Roxanne’s bracelet and earrings were confiscated, to be put in a secure storage-locker and returned when they left, as was most of Hal’s equipment. After a bit of debate and a word from the Warden, they were allowed one camera and a wireless microphone (but only after the guards had opened both devices and confirmed that they were unlikely to suddenly explode, turn into miniature robots, or otherwise cause havock). 

When they were finally through the security checkpoints, it was decided that Warden Parker himself would be escorting them to and from Megamind’s cell. 

Megamind was a major flight-risk who rarely got visitors, and they would be taking no chances.

* * *

 

Roxanne expected catcalls, whistles, and lewd remarks when she walked through the prison on her way to interview Megamind. TV, movies, and several of her coworkers had warned her about what happened when a woman was spotted in an all-male prison. Hal had even offered, in his customary  _ charming _ manner, to protect her from the inmates. 

Thus, the prisoners’ low murmuring and silent, wide-eyed stares came as a surprise.

Following the Warden down the main corridor, she could see-- and be seen by-- four stories worth of cells, stacked like cages along the high-ceilinged hallway. 

One man looking down from the second floor yelled “Hey, sweet thi--” only to be silenced by a swift jab in the gut from his cellmate. The guards, stationed at regular intervals outside the cells, looked alert and suspicious as she and Hal passed by.

Roxanne wondered about this as she walked through the well-lit, spartan space, passing under the inscrutable gaze of the prisoners. Were all of her second-hand sources on this situation just…wrong? More likely it was her, or rather her circumstances, that made the situation atypical. 

_ Was it because she was Metro Man’s girlfriend?  _

Roxanne snorted. Unlikely. Invulnerable defender of justice who had personally put many of them behind bars though he may be, Metro Man was not the sort to inspire the sort of reaction she was seeing today. Which meant that it all came down to Megamind.

They came to a stop in front of a set of barred doors leading to a short, bare concrete hallway that ended in another set of bars. Warden Parker turned and fixed Roxanne and Hal with a hard look, and Roxanne realized suddenly just how tall the Warden actually was.

“If you deliberately aide an escape attempt , you’ll be facing federal charges,” he said bluntly. “If Megamind is outside his cell at any point, that means we have a problem. If it’s possible to pass any objects in or out of the cell during the interview, that means we have a problem. I  _ trust _ that there will be no problems.” 

Roxanne nodded sharply, looking him in the eye.

“I’ll do my best to ensure that the interview goes smoothly,” she said. “I want to avoid problems just as much as you do, and--”

“Yeah, we definitely don’t want Megamind to escape while we’re here!” Hal interrupted. “I mean, if he did like, try anything, I’d totally take him out. Bet he’s not so tough without... I mean, he can’t hide behind his robots and lasers and stuff here...” Hal trailed off as Roxanne and the Warden both glared at him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” the Warden said curtly, turning away to scan his key-card. The light above the door switched from red to green and the door slid open with a rattle of metal. He strode down the short hallway, the visitors following behind. “If something goes wrong, and hopefully it won’t, your job is to stay calm, follow orders, and not get involved. Got it?”

“Yessir,” Hal replied, nodding vigorously and actually giving a salute. “Got it, sir.” They came to a stop in front of the second set of barred doors, and the Warden waited until the entrance behind them was completely closed before opening them and leading the two visitors into the space beyond.

It was a large room, roughly hexagonal, with a double-high ceiling and the same bare concrete aesthetic as the rest of the prison. Blocky lettering on the wall proclaimed it to be  _ Cellblock 9 _ .

Most of the space was filled with what looked like a giant onion made of dark grey metal, bolted to the floor and held together with sturdy rivets. An armored door with a round porthole covered in shielding protruded from the front.

From her research, Roxanne recognized the odd construction as a Type-6 Supermax Holding Cell, specially designed to hold prisoners with telepathy, low-grade super-strength, pyrotechnic abilities, and/or ice powers. The fact that Megamind had no known superpowers made the need for such security measures all the more impressive. 

To the left of the cell door, a guard sat in a cheap office-chair in front of a  bewildering array of monitors that Roxanne did not remember seeing in her research on the methods of Superhuman Containment. With a start, she realized that this was custom-built equipment designed to monitor their  _ specific _ prisoner’s brain-activity and vital signs from outside the cell. 

Megamind’s intelligence, it would seem, was more than enough to keep the security team on their toes. 

The Warden cleared his throat and the guard startled to attention.

“Prisoner is secured, sir!” he cried giving a hasty salute. “Are they here for the, ah, the interview, sir?”

“Got it in one,” Warden Parker replied. “Officer Peterson, this is Roxanne Ritchi from KMCP8 News, and her cameraman, Hal Stewart. Miss Ritchi, this is Officer Peterson. He’ll tell you the security protocols for this area.” Roxanne stepped forward and gave the guard a professionally warm smile.

“It’s nice to meet you, Officer Peterson,” she said, shaking his hand.

“It’s ah, it’s nice to meet you too, Miss Ritchi,” he replied. “Warden, will you be staying here or…?”

“They don’t pay me to stand around and watch people,” he said. “That’s your job. I have some other work I need to attend to; I’ll be back in about an hour to escort Miss Ritchi to the gates.” 

With that, the Warden turned on his heels, unlocked the inner door to the room, and strode away. Those still in the room blinked at his abrupt exit, slightly nonplussed. 

Roxanne realized that unless there was some way to have the doors opened remotely, she was now trapped in this room until the Warden returned: she did not have the keys, and she seriously doubted that Officer Peterson would willingly part with his, or leave his post to escort some visitors around the place before the next shift arrived. 

She pushed down the thought of  _ trapped _ and pushed away the thought of  _ escape _ . 

She was not a prisoner here; she was a free person, an agent of the Press, and she could leave whenever she wanted to. ( ~~So long as she didn’t want to leave for at least an hour~~.)  Besides, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t  _ actually _ been trapped several times before, and maintained a cool, utterly un-panicked head throughout. 

This desire for escape was irrational: just an instinctual reaction to the bare grey walls, lack of windows, and general sense of ruthlessly efficient enclosure.

“So,” she said, turning to the guard, “Do you think we’ll be able to get decent audio with just the microphone, or does the cell have some kind of soundproofing qualities?” Officer Peterson bit his lip, thinking.

“I mean… there is some soundproofing, yes, but you should be able to hear each other okay when I open the porthole? There’s some hidden speakers and such, so you can have a conversation with the person inside the cell without the sound being too muffled by the door.”

“Alright, good,” Roxanne nodded, moving to a spot in front and to the right of the cell door. “Hal, is this a good place for me to stand during the interview?”

“Gimme a sec,” he said, taking the camera and microphone from the duffel bag he had slung over his shoulder. He removed the lens cap, made a few adjustments, then turned to look at her through the camera lense. “Okay, Roxie, if you’d move back a bit, closer to the door… now a little to the left-- no, my bad, go back… Okay! Right there, Roxie, I should be able to get you both in the frame.”

“Good, good,” she said as Hal handed her the microphone. “Officer Peterson, can you open the window when I give the signal?”

“No problem,” he replied, moving back to the monitoring station, outside the frame of the camera.

“Alright. I’ll nod when it’s time.” He gave a thumbs up, and she turned to face the camera. Hal started the countdown.

“You’re on if five... four...three…” 

Smile for the pictures.

“This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting from the Metro City Prison For The Criminally Gifted, where the notorious criminal genius Megamind is currently serving one of his eighty-five consecutive life-sentences. Tonight, KMCP8 will be showing an  _ exclusive _ interview with the Supervillain who has been terrorizing the good people of Metro City for over fifteen years.” 

She nodded to Officer Peterson, who pressed a button on his control panel. As the shielding on the round window retracted, Roxanne raised her microphone toward it. Here goes nothing.

Megamind sat facing the door with his fingers steepled, at ease in the un-padded, bolted-down swivel-chair that served as the cell’s only furnishing. 

The floor was the same sterile grey metal as the chair, but the curved walls of the cell had been painted with an oddly childish mural: pastel-colored kittens and cutesy woodland creatures pranced in a green meadow with blue sky, and under the bright rainbow that dominated the wall directly behind Megamind, the words **_Happy Thoughts Make Happy People_** was painted in red.

“Megamind,” she announced, “I’m here for your interview.” 

“You came all the way out here for me?” he smirked. “Miss Ritchi, I’m touched. It’s not time for one of your usual reports; am I right in thinking that this is a recording session, and not a live broadcast?” 

“That’s right,” Roxanne said. “Why do you ask?”

“I wanted to know,” he said, quirking an eyebrow. “Though really, you didn’t have to go through the trouble of visiting me here; if you’d waited for our reunion just a little more patiently, I could’ve arranged for much nicer accommodations.” Roxanne raised an eyebrow.

“Oh really? What did you have in mind?”

“More chairs, for one thing,” Megamind said, rising and gesturing (she noticed the absence of his cape) to where she stood on the other side of the cell door. “Arranged so that the cameras could show both of us in one shot.”

“Would I have been tied to that chair, if I’d put the interview on hold till you got out?” Roxanne asked archly. “Would you be trying to get me to use a teleprompter and follow a script you wrote, if I’d let you make the arrangements?”

“Whatever gave you that idea?” he asked, and his tone was-- sharper, somehow, than usual.

“Oh, I don’t know….” She tapped her chin, pretending to think. “I guess it must have been what happened the  _ last _ five times times you pretended to want an interview.”   


“You wound me,” he cried, holding a hand to his chest. “I’m astonished that you think I’d ever  _ pretend _ to want to talk about myself. The fact that you refused to cooperate and stick to the officially approved question-list during those previous interviews speaks well of your integrity and Reporter-ish drive for the truth, but it also meant that I had to skip ahead to the Evil Plot a bit sooner than I might have otherwise.”

“Well then, I guess it’s lucky you don’t have anything else planned for the day,” Roxanne said sweetly.

“Nothing but enjoying your company, Miss Ritchi,” Megamind replied, giving her a very particular sort of evil smile.

“I’m glad you enjoy the prospect of answering my questions,” she said, struggling not to smile in return. “So let’s get started with the interview. I notice you have some rather… _unusual_ decor in your cell. Is there a story behind it?”

“This satch-a-reen mural,” Megamind said, waving a hand at the fluffy bunnies and yarn-tangled purple kittens adorning his walls, “Was recommended by the prison psychologist. While he claimed that wholesome imagery encourages wholesome thought, I think he just wanted rev-aunge for my refuting his philosophies.” 

He shrugged. “Of course, the Warden didn’t actually approve it’s painting until after I demonstrated how easy it is to create the illusion of presence- or absence- in a more monochrome space.”

“So, the mural is meant to serve as both a psychological tool and a security measure? How… efficient,” Roxanne said, looking at painted scenery that would be better suited to a preschool then back at the career-criminal it was supposedly meant to help reform. “Do you think that the decorations succeed in their intended purposes?”

“That depends on what you mean by ‘succeed’, and what you think the actual intentions behind it were,” Megamind said cooly. (Again, Roxanne thought that there was something off about his tone.) 

“If it was meant to put me in ‘happier’ frame of mind, the design is an utter failure; likewise, if they were trying to drive me insane, they haven’t succeeded. While the dead-eyed staring of implausibly cheerful woodland creatures is certainly different from the blank, void-like quality the room had before, it’s hard to judge one as better or worse than the other.” 

The animals were, now that he mentioned it, a tad creepy. Looking at the mural gave Roxanne new insight into the inspiration behind the notorious Rock’em Sock’em Kittens.

“You mentioned that approval for the mural was granted in response to escape-plans which took advantage of the cell’s previous interior design. How would you rate it as a security feature?”

“It presents both challenges and opportunities, and that’s all I’ll say on the matter,” he said, waving a hand dismissively. “If you’re trying to trick me into revealing the plans for my next glorious escape, I fear your efforts will be vain.”

“No monologue this time, then?” Roxanne smirked. “I guess I can’t win all the time. How do you feel about the fact that most of your Evil Plots end with you in maximum-security prison?”

“The forced vacations aren’t exactly my favorite part of the job, but the Warden tends to worry about me if I don’t check in now and again,” he said flippantly. “How do you feel about the kidnappings?” She blinked.

“Wha- This is my interview, Megamind. I’m the one asking questions.”

“Oh, of course Miss Ritchi,” he said, leaning back in his chair with a wicked smile on his face. “We’ll save the matter for a later date. Shall we plan on meeting here again, or should I look you up the next time I’m out on the town?”

“If I tell you now, can we drop the issue and go back to the actual interview?” Roxanne asked tartly. 

(She did not blush, and even if she did, she wasn’t facing the camera, and if nobody saw it then it didn’t happen.) 

(Megamind agreed that things happening just off camera didn't count, especially if the cameras were still rolling, and so she was not blushing, and this was fine.)

“Satisfy my curiosity on this matter, Miss Ritchi, and I’ll be happy to continue.” She took a deep breath and thought hard about how to answer, feeling very much aware of Hal, the guard, and all the viewers at home who would be most likely be watching the tape later.

“I can’t say I’ve ever enjoyed being kidnapped,” she said eventually, “Nor will I claim to be happy with being forced to play the part of Damsel in Distress. However, it has given me some interesting and useful experience. My involvement in your schemes has been good for my career, and I have you to thank for more than one insider’s scoop and exclusive report. All in all, I’d say the scales are almost balanced evenly.” She gave a sarcastic smile and batted her eyelashes. “Happy?”

“Very,” he replied, smiling back. “Now, what devious queries do you have for me today, Miss Ritchi?” 

“You’ve made a name for yourself as one of the most active Supervillains in the United States, and have described yourself as a ‘professional’ on multiple occasions. Why did you choose such an unusual career?”

“Aside from the money, power, and fame you mean?” Megamind shrugged and leaned back in his chair. “I want to destroy Metro Man, and Villainy is really the only career that can allow me to dedicate any significant amount of time to the project.”

“Can you tell our viewers about some of the other career options you’ve considered, outside of Villainy?”

“I wanted to be a Rock Star for a while, but then, who hasn’t?” he replied, counting off on his fingers. “I’ve briefly considered military contract work, but that would require finding at least one military that I don’t despise and distrust. Science for the sake of science sounds good in theory, but it can be hard to find motivation and inspiration if you don’t have a specific goal in mind. I suppose I could patent and sell my amazingly brilliant inventions, and become fabulously wealthy by doing so, but it turns out that I don’t want to.” 

Megamind’s smile could have stopped a bullet. It was the smile of a man who could have been the richest inventor, weapons-developer, and arms-dealer in the world, but had decided to be a Supervillain instead. 

“That would require giving other people access to my technology, and I’ve never been very good about sharing my toys.”

“Do you ever regret choosing a career with such high risks of catastrophic failure, personal injury, imprisonment, and loss of property?” Roxanne had never seen a battle that ended with both Megamind and his inventions coming out unscathed.

“Life is risky, Miss Ritchi,” he stated, looking directly at the camera. “We all risk our lives every time we step outside-- and if we stay in, there’s a chance that the roof will come down on our heads.” 

Megamind was no more invulnerable than she was, though the way he threw himself into battle, you’d think he didn’t know it. Judging by the look in his eye, he knew it very well. 

“If I die I intend to do it with style, and while I’m still alive I intend to enjoy myself as I pursue my goals.”

“And what are your goals, Megamind?” Maybe this time, his answer would be different _.  _ “What do you want out of life?”

“I want to defeat Metro Man and take over Metrocity,” he announced. “It’s only a matter of time until I identify more of his weaknesses, and then my victory will be assured and I will rule this city with an iron fist.” Roxanne sucked in a breathe.

“You say it’s only a matter of time until you identify ‘more' of Metro Man’s weaknesses, but I wasn’t aware of him having any. Would you care to elaborate on your statement?”   


“Don’t play coy, Miss Ritchi” he said, looking at her now instead of the camera. “We both know that the Hero has a weakness for  _ you _ . As long as Metro Man continues to care about your well-being, he’ll continue falling into my traps, risking his life to save you.” Roxanne raised her eyebrows.

“Does it really count as ‘risking his life’ if he’s never been in any actual danger of being injured?” It as a low blow, but Roxanne didn’t like the reminder of her status as Damsel in Distress. “One of Metro Man’s powers in invulnerability. You’ve never been able to give him so much as a bruise.” 

Megamind shook his head, smiling. 

“If Metro Man truly believed himself to be invulnerable, it wouldn’t be so hard to convince him to hold still so I can test the theory,” he explained. “He is alive, which means he can die, which means he can be killed. We know empirically that killing Metro Man is possible, so all that’s left for me is to figure out how.”

“Very interesting. In the past, you’ve talked extensively about your desire for revenge against Metro Man, but never specified what you want revenge  _ for _ . Could you tell our viewers how the feud between you and Metro Man first got started?” 

“Our glorious rivalry began in infancy,” Megamind said grandly, coming to his feet. “With every subsequent encounter with that smug, self-righteous, over-privileged imbecile, it became more and more clear that we were destined to be enemies. Since the very beginning, we’ve been fighting out the eternal battle between Good and Evil.” 

“I see,” Roxanne said, trying to keep the irritation from her voice. Grandiose, vague, and implausible-- somehow, Megamind managed to be even more evasive on the matter than Metro Man. “Can you point to a specific incident that pushed you from rivals to enemies?” Megamind leaned back into his chair and tapped his chin, making a show of thinking back.

“In retrospect, I think it was the inevitable culmination of several factors,” he mused, frowning slightly. “As I said, we’ve been rivals since the beginning, but it wasn’t always epic battles and daring duels. Once, there were games. The games were invariably unfair, of course, but the experience was… educational. I learned what I was good at, and we both learned what could be expected from the other players.”  He smiled darkly. 

“After a rather memorable game that ended with a broken window, some bruises, and the confiscation of my latest invention, I decided to stop playing. That was the day I began my enduring epic life-long career.”

“So would you say that your feud with Metro Man truly began when you became a Supervillain?”

“I would say that, yes.” Roxane wanted to ask more. She wanted push, to make him explain how a broken window led to pitched battles, how unfair games started his personal war, but--.

“Well, then. Outside of Villainy, do you have any other… projects you’re working on? Any hobbies?” _But_ the studio had given her a list of questions she had to ask, and there was only so much time.

“Hobbies? Hm. Now that I think about it, I have very few hobbies that aren’t work-related in some way. There are a few pet-projects I’ve been working on for a while, but some of them had to be discarded because of being scientifically impossible. Those that are still in progress seem to be panning out fairly well at the moment, however, and I like to think there might be a small chance of--” he glanced at her, then looked away. “...No, never mind, that’s technically work related as well.”

“So it’s full-time Evil for you, with no time for fun or outside interests?”  

“You’re mistaken, Miss Ritchi,” he said with a grin. “Being Ee-vil is a lot of fun, and Villainy brings a multitude of fascinating challenges and complete creative freedom in how I deal with them.”

“Sounds like the criminal machinations take up a lot of your time. Do you have any plans for Metro Man Day this year?”

“Of course! That will be the day on which I at last destroy Metro Man and take my rightful place as Overlord of Metrocity.”

  
“There’s a surprise,” she said dryly. “How are you going to do it?”

“I’ll be keeping the details of my Evil Plan a secret until it’s put into action this time, Miss Ritchi,” he said, giving her a sly smile. “I won’t be handing you the opportunity to thwart my plans before they come into fruition  _ this _ time. Know only that it will indeed by Metro Man’s final day in the sun, and that you will have the chance to observe it all first-hand.”

“Duly noted,” Roxanne said brightly. “So, should I plan on being kidnapped before or after the grand opening of the Metro Man Museum?”

“Ah, ah, ah, Miss Ritchi,” he chastened, shaking a finger at her. “It’s no use trying to trick me into revealing any details of my plan. I am wise do your schemes, my dear, nosy reporter.”

“Why do you keep doing this, Megamind? You know that, given your track-record for evading the police, it’s likely that you could avoid prison altogether if you stopped challenging Metro Man.”

“True, but what fun would that be?” he asked, looking at her through his lashes. “It’s much like how you could leave town and move to some place without so many supers, but instead you choose to stay. Admit it, Miss Ritchi. You enjoy the excitement.” Before she could respond, Roxanne heard the sound of the doors sliding open behind her.

“That one hour, people!” barked the Warden as he strode inside. “Let’s wrap it up before we have another escape on our hands.” Roxanne stifled her irritation at the abrupt interruption. It wasn’t that it ruined the take- they could always edit that out- but someone always seemed to cut in  _ right _ when he was about to open up. 

“Looks like we’re out of time for now, Megamind,” she said, smiling tightly. “Thank you for the interview.” 

“It’s been a pleasure having you, Miss Ritchi,” he replied, his own smile sharp-edged. “Do feel free to visit whenever I’m here.” 

He turned away on his chair as Warden Parker gave the order to close the window, and just like that the shielding was back in place, the interview was over, and the wall between her and Megamind was up once more.

As they headed back to the main corridor, Roxanne thought about what Megamind had said. 

Despite her best efforts at prying and prompting one of his famous Villainous Monologues, she still hadn’t discovered anything about Megamind’s backstory. She had often wondered what had lead to Megamind’s life of crime, but he always waved away her questions. 

His evasions could be mistaken for careless if they weren’t so persistent.  To hear Megamind tell it, he had simply come into existence one day, already a Supervillain, already Evil, with no past or motive to speak of. 

Roxanne didn’t buy it; nobody was actually born evil. However, this was the first time he had ever even admitted (however circuitously) to even  _ having _ a childhood.

The prisoners were noticeably rowdier as they went out, possibly on the lookout for an escape-attempt or sudden explosions following her visit. 

There were still no catcalls, though.

When they arrived at the security check-point, Roxanne discovered that the guards were also anticipating the possibility of an escape. Roxanne and Hal were searched again (their pockets were as empty as they’d been when they went in), and the camera and microphone were checked for modifications (none were found). 

After that, they opened the locker where Hal’s equipment and Roxanne’s jewelry had been stored and went over it all with a fine-tooth comb to make sure that nothing had gone missing, been added, or transformed into an evil robot while they weren’t looking. Roxanne was almost surprised they didn’t accuse her or Hal of being Megamind in disguise. 

Eventually, however, they were allowed to collect their things and walk out the gates and into the sun.

Leaving the prison, that huge, windowless construction of concrete and iron bars, felt like an escape. For one wild moment after she climbed into the van, Roxanne wondered what would happen if she turned onto the state highway and just kept on going, leaving Metro City  and all its crazy, mixed-up people behind as she started a new life out there on the open road... 

(Of course, if she did leave, Megamind would get to brag about how he’d sent her running in terror, and that wouldn’t do at all.) 

(He’d seemed different today, less animated and more... hardened. Perhaps it was the setting.)

Then Hal took the seat beside her and she started down the road back into the City. They needed to get back to the station to edit the footage for tonight’s broadcast. Daydreams aside, she had a responsibility to her job, to her viewers, to all the people who relied on her for their daily news.  Besides, Roxanne was born in Metro City. She had too many memories, too many roots set down to just get up and leave.

It was her home.

She didn’t actually want to go.


	7. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you had the chance to run... would you take it?

It was the day before Metro Man Day, and Roxanne had just been getting ready to go home for the evening when Davison called her to his office.

“Ritchi, we need to talk about your opening speech for Metro Man Day,” he announced, gesturing to the copy she’d submitted four days ago. “I hate to do this to you at the last minute and everything, but it just doesn’t work.”

“What’s wrong with the piece?” Roxanne asked, offended. “It fits in the time-slot, it’s informative and relevant to the holiday, and all my facts check out!”

“That’s just it, Ritchi,” her boss said, waving a hand in frustration. “People don’t want the facts, they want fluff! Metro Man Day is a local festival, a fun day out with the kids, an excuse to drink beer before 5 o’clock.... Nobody wants a reminder about nuclear war on Metro Man Day!”

“Isn’t the entire point of Metro Man Day to celebrate the anniversary of the day he saved the world from nuclear apocalypse five years ago?” Roxanne asked. “Surely the people would want to hear about how the spontaneous nation-wide victory parties following the defeat of Duke Doom and Duchess Death let to the establishment of an annual festival here in Metro City, and then an official holiday thanks to the Official Metro Man Fan Club, the Metro City Tourism Board, and a selection of random local citizens petitioning the mayor--”

“Look, the history lesson is all very interesting, but this is a  _ news _ station! We need to tell people about what’s  _ new. _ Re-write this, and focus more on Metro Man and the new museum they’re opening tomorrow.” 

Roxanne sighed.

“Can I at least include the speculation about the Metro Man Museum being an insurance-scam due to the likelihood of it being targeted in Megamind’s attacks?”

“No, no, no! We need a light, fun, puff-piece sort of report! Davison slumped down in his seat and tiredly ran a hand through his hair. “Look, Ritchi, you know I hate to do this too you at the last minute like this, but it’s over my head. It’s a ratings thing; apparently the executives are worried about the KMCP8 image. Just… rewrite the piece, okay?”

“Fine,” she bit out. “What exactly are they looking for in this one? I’d hate to get it wrong and have to redo the entire piece  _ more than once _ .” If Davison noticed her tone, he chose to ignore it.

“Think happy. Talk about what an important day it is, talk about the Museum, maybe add a little hype about Metro City, and definitely fawn about Metro Man a little-- that part shouldn’t be too hard; he is your superhero boyfriend after all.” 

Roxanne did not snap that _no_ , he certainly was _not_ _her boyfriend_. She did not go on a rant about how she was not dating Metro Man, had never dated Metro Man, and was _sick of hearing about Metro Man, dammit!_

Instead, she took a deep breath, thanked Davison for the update, and walked back to her office. 

She only slammed to door a little bit.

By then it was almost half an hour past quitting time, and quite frankly she was ready to go home and relax for awhile before having to deal with tomorrow’s nonstop reports, crowds, overzealous Metro Man-fans, and drunken tourists.

Roxanne sat down at her desk, pulled out her laptop, and got to work. 

The reflection on Metro Man’s collaboration with the League of Heroes to save the world from nuclear fallout was deleted, to be replaced with commentary on the  _ beautiful _ day in the _ beautiful _ downtown, and wasn’t the city’s Golden Boy such a _ beautiful man?! _ She wondered briefly if that was too many repetitions of the word ‘beautiful’, then decided that at this point in the evening she didn’t care, and forged on. As requested, she cut the speculation about the potential insurance-fraud relating to the Museum’s construction.           

She considered adding in speculation about the source of Metro Man’s powers, but decided that it wouldn’t fit the required tone and clapped out some sentimental junk about how he used his superpowers to protect them instead.  _ Could she get away with saying his heart was an ‘ocean that’s inside a bigger ocean,’ or would that be too trite and obviously faked? _

Roxanne took less than twenty minutes writing her new speech. She read it through once, checking for spelling errors and excessive sarcasm. Having deemed it acceptable, she submitted it for approval, printed her own copy, got her stuff together, and went home.

Tomorrow would be a very big day.

* * *

 

Metro Man Day started with blue skies and sunshine. The weather stayed nice all day. 

Roxanne made her first report of the day in front of the Metro Man Museum, where the crowds were just starting to gather for the big show at the Museum opening. 

Even Hal thought her revised speech, which she’d delivered with a bright smile and faked sincerity, was cheesy. She figured that if the station wanted good writing, they shouldn’t have made her redo the entire thing the night before the big event.

( _Later, Roxanne would regret not saying something more profound. Later, she would regret her secret insincerity._ )

She was kidnapped shortly after giving the report. 

She woke up slowly, tied hand and foot in the back of a moving vehicle. The air was warm, smelly, and stuffy, and she realized with dismay that her kidnappers had once again chosen to opt for the bag instead of the blindfold. She could hear Megamind and Minion laughing and congratulating each on the brilliant prison-break. She wondered if there would be alligators again.

The thing you had to understand was that, kidnappings aside, Roxanne actually considered herself to be on fairly good terms with Megamind. 

She enjoyed the off-camera banter-- which Megamind sometimes jokingly referred to as their ‘Battle of Wits’-- and she liked to think they had a sort of mutual respect and understanding between them. 

He never kidnapped her from her home; she never looked too hard for his. 

He acknowledged her accomplishments as a reporter; she acknowledged his brilliance as a scientist. 

He let her see the person behind the evil megalomaniac persona, and she treated him as a person and never, ever laughed at him. 

Both of them refrained from personal attacks during their many rounds of verbal sparring.

They weren’t friends, not exactly, but Roxanne might have admitted, in the privacy of her own head, to enjoying his company on occasion.

That was before, of course. 

That was before she saw Metro Man trembling on the floor of the abandoned observatory, the man strong enough to lift a jet rendered too weak to stand. 

That was before she saw a huge beam of blinding light come down from the sky with such force that she could feel the blast even from across the bay, feel in rock her chair backwards and knock Megamind and Minion prone….

That was before she looked down and saw Metro Man’s bleached and hollowed skeleton ( _ Wayne, it was Wayne’s skeleton, her friend Wayne Scott, he would want her to remember him by his real name... _ ) sprawled out inelegantly at her feet, the empty eye-sockets staring, his jaw-bone knocked crooked, preventing his skull from baring the traditional ghastly grin and  _ oh God, he’s dead; he’s really dead… _

That was before she saw Megamind and Minion ( _ Minion, who was always so polite,  _ Minion _ who brought snacks for the long kidnappings and could always be persuaded to answer her questions… _ ) crow in delight at the death of their arch-nemesis, shouting and dancing with glee.

That was before she thought of either of them as truly evil.

Roxanne wasn’t sure how long it took for them to notice that she was still there, tied to the chair, staring and Metro Man’s skeleton, staring at them; she wasn’t sure how long it took for them to realize that she had not, in fact, vanished as soon as the evil plot had ended and her presence was no longer convenient. 

When they did, Minion paused abruptly in his chanting of “We _ did _ it, we  _ did _ it, WE DID IT, we-did-it-we-did-it-we-did-it!” and turned off the broadcasting cameras. Megamind simply froze and stared at her. Roxanne stared back.

“You murdered him,” she said blankly.

“Yes,” Megamind whispered, eyes wide. “I did.” He sounded as if he couldn’t quite believe it.

“You just… you… you killed him! The two of you, you murdered him in cold blood!” Roxanne had never thought of herself as the ‘hysterical’ sort, but she thought vaguely that if any situation justified a bit of hysteria, this was it. “You built the deathray and set the trap and copper was his weakness-- HOW was  _ copper _ his weakness?!-- and, and Megamind gave the order and Minion pressed the button and now he’s, Metro Man is, Metro Man is _ dead _ !” 

She was breathing very quickly now, hyperventilating, in fact. Megamind had the nerve to look concerned.

“I think you may be having a panic attack, Miss Ritchi,” he said softly. “It’s perfectly understandable, under the circumstances. Perhaps you should try taking a few deep breaths? In through the nose for a count of six, hold for a count of six, then out slowly through the mouth; that’s what Minion says. In any case, panic attack or not, you probably hate me completely now.”  His voice remained soft and flat, but he’d begun to pace back and forth. 

After a few deep breathes, Roxanne found her voice again.

“What happens now?” she asked. “Metro Man is dead. What happens now?”

“Now I-- I take over the city, of course!” Megamind declared with an evil smile that was almost natural, almost convincing. “When night falls, I will march on City Hall and take my rightful place as Overlord of Metrocity. With Metro Man gone, none will be able to oppose me!” 

The worst part was, it was probably true. But…

“No, I mean… what’s going to happen to me?”  _ You will leave Metrocity, or this will be the last you ever hear of Roxanne Ritchi!  _ “Are you going to kill me, too?”

“No! No no no no no, of course not Miss Ritchi! I--” he cut himself off abruptly and resumed his pacing. “...You’ll be needing some form of transportation, since Metro Man won’t be coming to save you this time. And something will need to be done about the body. Minion, take some brainbots and see if you can find something roughly coffin-shaped to put the bones in.”

“On it, Sir,” he said, moving toward the door. “Where do you want to put it?” Megamind hesitated before answering.

“Well… legally speaking, Lady Scott is his next of kin; she’ll be the one in charge of... funeral arrangements and the like. We should send Metro Man… we should send his body to her.” Megamind looked solemnly at the bleached-white skeleton, looked away, and they looked back, brow furrowing. 

“...How the hell is that cape still intact?" he asked, sounding less lost than he had a moment ago.  "For a mere  _ fabric _ to survive the heat and force of a blast strong enough to burn  _ Metro Man _ , of all people, down to the bones… If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was Edna Mode’s work, but she’s had a strict anti-cape policy for years.… Maybe one of her earlier projects, or maybe the fabric was… made from something he, he, something he brought with him when… Minion, do you think this was something he  _ brought with him? _ ” The question was almost a sob.

“Focus, Sir,” Minion said sternly. “You can analyze the cape later; for now, concentrate on the problem at hand. You said we needed to send the skeleton to Lady Scott. Have you considered how it should be delivered? What sort of message do you want to send with this, Sir?” 

Megamind squeezed his eyes shut and took a few slow, deep breaths before answering.

“We should take the Invisible Car and deliver it to Scott Manor ourselves. It would probably be best if we didn’t… personally interact with anyone there, but just leaving him on the doorstep, ringing the doorbell, and running off seems wrong somehow. Maybe we should have a brainbot ring the doorbell?”

“Good idea, Sir! Sounds like a plan,” Minion said. “Now, what about Miss Ritchi?”

“Miss Ritchi? Right, yes, right!” Megamind turned and looked at her again. “Would you prefer to be returned to your home or to your workplace, Miss Ritchi?” His eyes were fixed on her face, as if he were trying very hard not to look away ( _trying not to look down, trying not to look at the body of the man he just killed…_ ) and it took her a moment to respond.

“I-- I’d rather not-- I’d prefer to go to my workplace.”  _ This was not the time to be alone; this was not the time to let him come to her house _ . “Do you have a statement you’d like me to pass along to the press? Maybe a comment about Metro Man’s untimely death?” 

_ Take refuge in the questions; don’t think about why they need to be asked. _

“You can tell them that I, personally, take full responsibility, and claim all of the credit for, Metro Man’s demise,” he said, slowly and clearly. Minion wouldn’t be allowed to share the blame, then. “You can tell them that I will not disrupt the funeral arrangements, disturb his final resting place, or damage what’s left of him in any way. If anyone else attempts to take a DNA sample, steal his bones, or in any way damage or desecrate the body, I will _ make them regret it _ . Can I trust you to pass along the message, Miss Ritchi?”

“...Of course,” she said, a little shakily. “Is there anything else you want me to tell them?”

“Nothing comes to mind at the moment,” he said. Roxanne tensed as he drew his gun, checking the settings before aiming it at her. “I’m going to miss working with you, Miss Ritchi,” he whispered. 

There was a flash of light, and the world turn blue as Roxanne’s awareness faded.

* * *

 

The next thing she knew, she was sitting in the back-alley behind the KMCP8 building, still tied hand and foot, with a pair of brainbots staring down at her. 

One flew to the side to put what looked like a mostly-empty water-bottle into the recycling bin; the other darted towards her with it’s pincers snapping. She flinched backwards and tried to scoot away, then relaxed slightly as she realized that it was trying to untie her. She held still as cold metal claws moved dexterously to undo the ropes around her ankles, then leaned forward to give it access to where her hands were tied behind her back. 

Their task completed, the two brainbots flew off into the early evening sky.

Roxanne stood up and tried to get her bearings. She was behind the KMCP8 building, near the back door. Right. By the look of the sky it was most likely early evening. 

She was here because Megamind had dehydrated her after he… after his plan was finished and then, it would seem, sent a couple of brainbots to reconstitute her outside her workplace.

Megamind had done that because Metro Man hadn’t come to rescue her. 

Metro Man hadn’t come to rescue her because Megamind killed him.

Roxanne wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run away and curl up in a ball under some blankets and just  _ weep _ for a while, and then she wanted to wake up and find out that it had all been some horrible dream. 

Instead, she stumbled towards the backdoor of the news station-- which was, fortunately, unlocked-- and got herself out of the darkening alleyway.

Inside, she heard the sounds of a lot of people being both frantic and frantically busy while trying to be quiet about it: people were on computers and typing rapidly, interns were moving about quickly but silently, and there was a general rustling of papers accompanied by the occasional buzz of a phone turned on silent.  They must be broadcasting. 

Roxanne tried to remain inconspicuous as she made her way toward her office, keeping her head down and taking the route that so happened to go behind the filing cabinets and past some old props. As she came closer, she heard Aimes giving a report.

“...valiant efforts of our police force, volunteer traffic-directors, and the  _ Metro City Hip-Hop Heroes Dance Ensemble _ , analysts tell us that riots in Town Square have been narrowly avoided. As Metro City’s day of celebration has turned into a day of mourning, we at KMCP8 encourage our fellow citizens to remain calm and await further developments. And now, a message from our sponsors.” 

The music played and the sign turned off, indicating that they’d switched to commercials. 

Roxanne chose this moment to step out of the shadows and move in the direction of her office.  The room froze for a moment as Roxanne came into view. A moment later, she found herself surrounded by people, all talking at once.

“Miss Ritchi! You’re alive!”

“Roxanne! How did you escape? Can you tell us about Megamind’s plan?”

“Lay off, Bret; she’s been through a traumatic experience! Roxie, honey, sit down and tell us all about it. Are you feeling alright?” 

Roxanne was pushed into an office chair, and somebody handed her a styrofoam cup of water.

“Now, I know you must be  _ devastated  _ about the  _ tragic _ \--”

“Save it, Sarah, it’s not the time! Roxanne, you know you’ll need to give the police a full report; you’re a witness--”

“Do you have a statement you’d like to give on behalf of--”

“Now that Metro Man is out of the picture, do you think that you’ll--”

“What’s Megamind’s plan for the--”

“QUIET!” Davison shouted, pushing his way through the crowd that had gathered around her. “Jeeze, give the woman a little room the breathe! Don’t you people have work you should be doing? Smith, you’re on in two minutes, get to the meteorology board! Rucker, Anderson, back to the cameras! I’ll talk to Ritchi; the rest of you get back to work. This is a high-stakes news day, people are worried, scared; they’re depending on us to give them the latest news, so let’s get to it!”

The crowd dispersed to their assigned tasks, sending her side-eyed looks as they did, and Roxanne found that she finally had a moment to breathe. She turned gratefully to Davison.

“Thanks for that, chief,” she said with a wan attempt at a smile.

“It’s no trouble; I’m just looking out for my Number-One Investigative Reporter.” he said, hands in his pockets.“So, first question is, are you okay?”

“I’m not hurt,” she answered, staring at the carpet. “The shock-waves from the-- from the Death Ray left me a little shaken, and I think this dress is pretty much ruined, but fortunately I wasn’t hit by any of the debris.” 

Davison nodded.  “That’s good news at least,” he said, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Can you tell me what happened after the cameras on your end went out?” 

Roxanne looked up, meeting his eyes at last.

“Megamind and Minion jumped around yelling about how they ‘won’ for a little bit--”

“Yeah, we saw that part on his broadcast; it was kind of disturbing,” Davison interrupted. She raised an eyebrow and continued.

“Eventually, they noticed that I was still there, and they cut off the cameras. They decided what to do with Metro Man’s… body…. Megamind gave me a few statements to pass along, then he shot me with the dehydration gun. Next thing I know, I’m sitting on the ground in the alleyway behind the Station and a couple of brainbots are untying me.” She shrugged, attempting nonchalance. “They flew off, I came inside and you know the rest.”

“What were Megamind’s statements?” he asked, conjuring up a notebook and pen. “We’ll need to broadcast them; any new information we can give people at this point is important.”

“Megamind said that he’d be sending Metro Man’s remains to his next-of-kin, Lady Scott. He wanted to make it clear that he wouldn’t interfere with the funeral or the final resting place, and he’d come down hard if anyone else tried.” She waited a moment as he finished writing it down, then continued. “He also mentioned plans to take over the city; we can expect him to march on City Hall tonight-- after dark, I think.”

“Got it,” he sighed. “Listen, Ritchi… we’re looking at some bad times ahead. With Metro Man dead and Megamind on the rise…. It’s going to be hard on all of us, but for you especially. You and Metro Man were so close, and you’ve been a target for Megamind for so long and….” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “What I’m trying to say is, I appreciate having you on the team. I value your cool-headedness and your stellar observational skills. But if you decide you need to leave town, I’ll make sure you leave with a glowing letter of recommendation.”  

“Thank You. I… I really appreciate that Davison.”  _ Leave town? _ “Can I think about it for a while? Everything is happening so fast, and that’s not the sort of decision one should make on impulse.”  _ With Metro Man gone… was she still safe in Metro City? Was anyone? _

“Of course, of course,” Davison said with a nod, stepping back. “The offer stands.”

“Thank You,” Roxanne repeated. “I’ll be-- I think I’d better head for my dressing room now, see if I can get myself cleaned up.” She stood to leave, but as she did she spotted a pair of police officers headed her way, followed by a rather anxious-looking intern.

“Roxanne Ritchi,” the leading officer announced, “My name is Officer Walter, and this is Officer Thompson. We’re here to ask you a few questions.” 

Roxanne fought back a scowl, struggling to keep her tone courteous as she answered.

“Can this wait?” she asked coolly, trying to move past them, toward her office/dressing room. “I’ve had a very trying day, and I need to get ready for the evening broadcast.”

“You’re witness to a crime,” the Lieutenant said, blocking her way. “We need to get your statement regarding the events of this afternoon, in relation to Metro Man’s death.” Roxanne raised an eyebrow.

“The entire thing was caught on video, wasn’t it?” Roxanne asked, in the tone one might use to discuss the weather. “Megamind was broadcasting the plot, and I know the cameras were still on when he looked at Metro Man’s skeleton and said ‘I did it’. What could I tell you that isn’t already public knowledge?”

“That tidbit about the body, for one thing,” Officer Thompson said, jabbing a finger at her. “The footage during and immediately after the time when the death-ray hit was inconclusive;the camera on Metro Man’s end cut out when the Deathray hit, and Megamind kept moving in and out of the shot. You were there. We need to know what you saw.” 

Reluctantly, Roxanne nodded her assent. So much for changing out of this soot-stained dress. 

( _ So much for having a few minutes to herself _ .)

“Can we do this in the meeting-room here, or do we have to go to the Police Station for the interrogation?” she sighed.

“Here is fine. They’re saying that the Station could be a target for Megamind’s next attack, so we’re encouraged not to bring civilians there unless necessary.” 

The fact that this task took them away from the Police Station hung unspoken in the air, and Roxanne quietly gave up hope of this being a short conversation with the police. She turned to Davison.

“I should’ve asked-- is there a meeting-room currently available for use?”

“Room 207 should be open,” Davison replied. “If you’re not back in half an hour, I’ll send somebody to check on you.” Roxanne nodded her thanks and headed towards the elevators.

“This way, Officers, if you please.”

* * *

 

Roxanne was sitting on one side of the conference table with her back to the projector-screen; the two cops were on the other side of the table. Officer Walter sat facing her, notebook and audio-recorder at the ready; Officer Thompson was pacing back and forth behind him. It probably would’ve felt more impressive if they were in a real police questioning room instead of a well-lit office conference room meant for considerably more than three people.

“Please state your name and profession for the record,” Officer Walter said, tapping his pen impatiently. Since the conversation was being recorded on audio, Roxanne thought the notebook was as much for show as anything else.  

“My name is Roxanne Ritchi, Investigative Reporter with KMCP8 News.”

“So, Miss Ritchi. You claim that you were kidnapped off the street early this morning. At what time did the kidnapping occur?” Officer Walter asked.

“I was hit by knock-out spray around 9:30, maybe 9:35am this morning, a few minutes after giving a live report on the dedication of the Metro Man Museum,” she said calmly. “I woke up with a bag over my head, tied hand and foot in the back of a moving vehicle. I could hear Megamind and Minion talking in the front of the car.”

“What did they say?” Officer Thompson asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Not much,” Roxanne shrugged. “They were laughing, congratulating each other on a successful prison-break… Looking forward to carrying out the Evil Plan. A couple minutes later, we arrived at the destination. Minion slung me over his shoulder, I pretended to wake up, and they tied me to the chair and removed the bag.” The two officers exchanged glances.

“You say you ‘pretended to wake up’. Why did you fake unconsciousness in the first place?”

“It’s a good way to overhear interesting tidbits about Megamind’s evil plans and operations,” she said dryly. “And before you ask, no, I didn’t hear anything useful this time. It was pretty much all evil laughter up until I ‘woke up’.”

“What happened after that?”

“We exchanged words,” she said, voice empty of emotion. “Megamind accused me of trying to steal his secrets. Then he activated the deathtraps and went on-air to challenge Metro Man. The rest is public knowledge.” The cops looked unconvinced.

“During that broadcast, you claimed that you were being held at the abandoned observatory-- a claim which proved to be false,” Thompson said, leaning towards her across the conference table in a way that was probably meant to be intimidating. “Why did you lie to Metro Man about your location?” 

“I did not  _ lie _ about the observatory!” she cried. “I honestly thought that we were in the observatory; Megamind tricked me into thinking that so that I would tell Metro Man!” Walter raised an eyebrow.

“ _ Seriously? _ ” Thompson threw his hands up in incredulous frustration. “The guy doesn’t know how to lie! You expect me to believe that Megamind just… tricked you into saying you were in the abandoned observatory, somehow?”

“Are you listening to yourself?” Roxanne asked, suppressing the urge to roll her eyes with an effort. “Megamind is a genius and a professional Super Villain. The fact that he’s somehow convinced at least one member of the police force that he  _ can’t lie _ should be all the proof you need of his skills in deception.”

“...Right. Can you tell us how Megamind found out about Metro Man’s weakness?” Roxanne shook her head.

“He didn’t hear it from me, if that’s what you’re asking. I didn’t think… I didn’t even know Metro Man had a weakness. Copper. Why the hell did he have to be…” She swallowed, blinking rapidly, and then continued. “ To be honest, I think Megamind might have found out about his weakness the same time we did. Did you know that he once told me that even if each plot against Metro Man had ridiculously low odds of succeeding, if he tried enough times then statistically speaking, he’d have to win eventually?” She gave a hollow, bitter sort of laugh. “I think that’s what happened here.”

There was silence for a few moments before Walter spoke.

“What happened, after the camera went off?” he asked, his tone gentler than it had been before. “How did you escape?”

“Technically, I didn’t. He let me go. After the cameras were off, he asked Minion to do something about… about Metro Man’s body.” She swallowed. “He said to send-- he said they’d bring the bones to the Scott Manor, since Lady Scott is Metro Man’s next-of-kin. Was Metro Man’s next-of-kin. Then Megamind went off on a tangent about how the cape survived the blast, and where Metro Man got his cape… Minion told him to focus; they started talking about the details of the delivery…”

“Did they say when they planned to deliver the body?” Officer Thompson asked.

“I didn’t hear them mention a specific time, but… it might’ve already happened, actually,” she said thoughtfully. “Megamind mentioned plans to conquer the city ‘when night falls’, and they sounded like they wanted the skeleton out of their space fairly quickly so… maybe call up Lady Scott, or send someone to her house to ask her?”

> _ Lady Tiffany Scott, sitting in the VIP Section of the audience at the Metro Man Museum Opening, watching what would turn out to be her son’s final moments playing out onscreen.  _
> 
> _ She wouldn’t cry, not in front of the masses, but her jaw would set in that same way it did when her husband died, and she would go home, put on her black mourning-dress, and start arranging the memorial service. When her assistant comes to tell her that Megamind returned her son’s mortal remains, she would already be composing a letter to one of the more merciless members of the League of Heroes, requesting aide.  _
> 
> _ Perhaps she would change the wording of the request once she knew Megamind wouldn’t be using Metro Man’s skull as a paperweight; but perhaps not. _
> 
> _ This was the day that she lost her only son. _

“...So, did Megamind mention what he planned on doing with the city, once he had it?” Officer Thompson asked, concerned. “At this point, anything you can tell us would be helpful for our inquiries.”

“He didn’t say anything specific,” Roxanne replied. “I’m pretty sure the plan involves ‘ruling with an iron fist’; beyond that, I can’t say with any certainty.”

“Getting back on topic,” Officer Walter cut it, “Please explain the events leading up to your release, Miss Ritchi.”

“So. Megamind discussed things with Minion, like I said, and then he turned to me. I asked him if he had a statement; maybe something he wanted to tell the world about Metro Man’s death…. He said that he claimed full responsibility and 100% of the credit for Metro Man’s untimely demise. He said… That is, he told me to tell the press that he wouldn’t interfere with Metro Man’s remains, his funeral, or his final resting place. He said that if anyone tried to interfere, to take a bone or a DNA sample or desecrate the body in any way, he would make them regret it.” Roxanne gave a hard look to each of the officers in turn. “I do think he meant it, by the way. Megamind can be odd about a lot of things, but he has a sense of honor and he respects the dead.”

“That could cause some trouble for the Forensics Department,” Officer Walter remarked. “They might’ve wanted to examine some of the bones for damage or suchlike; it is a high-profile case, but the risk of provoking violent sentiments.... However. Valuable and relevant though that information may be, Miss Ritchi, it doesn’t actually answer my question. How did you get away?”

“After he gave me the message, he shot me with the de-gun,” she said flatly. “The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the alley behind the KMCP building. I came inside, checked in with my boss, and you two showed up just a few minutes later.”

“Did Megamind harm you in any way before he released you?” Walter asked, and Roxanne could tell from his tone what kind of ‘harm’ he was asking about. “Did he make any advances, or mention plans to contact you at a later time?”

“No,” she said. “He didn’t… do anything like that. He said…”  _ I’ll miss working with you, Miss Ritchi. _ “He didn’t say much, outside of what I already I told you. He’ll probably make a go at conquering the city tonight. You should probably have some extra police presence at City Hall.” Walter made a note, and Thompson stood.

“We’ll plan on it, Miss Ritchi,” he said, puffing his chest out in an attempt to imitate Metro Man’s typical stance. “The entire police force is on high alert, working to ensure the safety of Metro City’s citizen’s. I can’t tell you how much we appreciate what you’ve gone through to give us some hint at what Megamind’s future plans are.” At that, Officer Walter turned off the recorder and stood as well.

“Have you given any thought to your own future plans?” Walter asked, turning to look at her again. 

“What do you mean?”

“Megamind knows you personally,” said Walter. “He may consider you a target. Miss Ritchi, you have to consider the fact that if Megamind kidnaps you, there won’t be any hero coming to save you anymore. I think you should take some precautions.”

“You think I don’t  _ already _ take precautions?!” she snapped, jumping to her feet and slamming her hands against the table. “I have been a preferred target for one of the most notorious super-villains in the Great Lakes area for  _ years _ , and if you think I don’t already carry mace, already arrange things so that people notice if and when I go missing, you’re wrong! If you think I haven’t been teaching myself escape-artist techniques, haven’t been careful, haven’t been  _ trying _ to take care of myself, you’re dead wrong!” 

Officer Walter looked taken aback, and Thompson raised his hands placatingly, but Roxanne was on a roll. 

“So let’s hear it! What sort of ‘precautions’ should I be taking? You’re the experts; I’ve only been trying to avoid random kidnappings for most of my career! Tell me, officers, what should I be doing differently?”

“You should leave town!” Officer Walter shouted. He looked startled by his own outburst, and Roxanne felt herself shrink. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Miss Ritchi, but I honestly think you should consider leaving the city. As you’ve said, ordinary means of defending yourself against Megamind have failed. Do you have anywhere you could go, if you weren’t here?”

“...I have some cousins on the east coast who might let me crash on their couch for awhile,” she said. “And my parents moved to Chicago a few years back. But I really don’t know about leaving Metro City. I have a home here, a job…” 

_ And Davison promised an excellent letter of reference if you decided to go _ , an inner voice reminded her.

“Just think about it, alright Miss Ritchi,” Walter said. “It’s your life that’s on the line. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Megamind doesn’t care about me,” she said dully. “There’s no reason for him to come after me again now that Metro Man’s gone.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Miss Ritchi,” Thompson said, giving her a slow, measured look. “Megamind is a lot of things; predictable isn’t one of them. He doesn’t actually need a reason to do things.”

“I appreciate your input,” Roxanne said, standing. “Now, Officers, were there any other matters we needed to discuss, or can I get back to my work?”

“We’ll let you get on with your business, Ma’am,” Officer Walter said. “We need to report back to the station; the Chief will probably want a barricade up at City Hall.”

“Just another day on the job at MCPD, defending the city from alien invaders!” Thompson laughed, heading out the door. Roxanne scowled.

She went downstairs to her office, locked the door, sat down, and waited for the tears to come. Frustratingly, though she had felt herself to be on the very edge of breaking down and sobbing while she was talking to those police officers, now that she was alone Roxanne found that she couldn’t cry. Her eyes prickled as she buried her face in her hands, but the tears simply would not come.

She thought:  _ Megamind won. _

She thought: _ Metro Man is dead. Metro Man, my friend Wayne Scott, is dead. _

She thought: _ Megamind killed him. _

She thought:  _ It’s my fault. If I hadn’t told him where to go, if I hadn’t let myself be tricked, if I hadn’t been so stupid, if I hadn’t gone back to him, if I’d tried to escape instead of just sitting there TALKING (just talking; it wasn’t anything more than talking; nothing more than meaningless banter) to Megamind… _

She thought:  _ They’re right. I’m a target. I should (could?) run away.... _

She thought: _ I could pack my bags, empty my bank-accounts, and go to east to stay with my cousins. _

She thought: _ I could escape this town, this Supervillain, this life, and never look back. _

She thought:  _ Megamind will very likely take over the City, and it may not be wise to be here when he does. _

She thought: _ I could get a new job, a new home, a new life, and finally be free of all this…  _

She thought:  _ If I run, I could be safe. _

She thought:  _ If Megamind takes over the City, who’s to stop him from taking over the world if he wants to? _

She thought:  _ If Megamind’s rise to power in inevitable in any case, then why should I run? _

 

“Davison, I’m going downtown to cover Megamind’s next move!” Roxanne called as she headed for the door. She still looked mildly singed from the aftershocks of the deathray, her hair was still a mess and she was nowhere near what would normally be considered camera-ready, but if she lost her momentum now she might never get it back. Besides the sun was setting and Megamind would most likely be on the march very, very soon.

“Alrighty! Stewart, you’re with Ritchi. Make sure that if anything happens, you catch it on tape. And Ritchi-- look after yourself.”

“Will do,” she said as she strode out the door. Hal followed nervously, hastened by a shove from Davison.

* * *

 

On a normal evening in Metro City, the streets would have been congested with late rush-hour traffic. 

On Metro Man Day, they should have been full of a different sort of traffic: tourists and citizens trying to get to the next activity, roads blocked for the big parade, street-vendors out in force to cater to the crowds and throngs of people out in the streets celebrating the greatness of their City and their Hero….

It was a short drive from the KMCP building to City Hall, made shorter by the complete lack of traffic. Only once did Roxanne spot another moving vehicle: it was two blocks away and driving fast, but she thought it might have been a Pizza-Delivery car. The sun was setting, and the city seemed far darker than it should have at night. Neon signs were unlit; the shops were closed and locked, and all around were closed curtains, darkened windows and darkened doors in the downtown area that should have almost as bright as day. 

Even Hal was unusually quiet.

City Hall was a shining white exception to the apparent rule of (literal) darkness. Surrounded by police cars and lit by spotlights, the lampposts that lined the steps to the seat of city governance were blazing brightly. Roxanne parked the van in the lot behind the building.

“We’re with the press,” she told the policemen gathered behind the building to screening all incoming vehicles. 

“We’re with Channel 8,” she repeated, showing her press-pass to the nervous officers who were constructing a ‘barricade’ around the front of the building. 

Really, she wasn’t sure that ‘barricade’ was the right word for this flimsy construction: plywood sawhorses painted so people knew where they weren’t supposed to drive; flimsy waist-high metal gates and fences designed to restrain over-enthusiastic fans and line-hoppers at the county-fair…. It hardly seemed like the sort of barricade to muster for a war, and had they not all been told countless times that Megamind intended to conquer? 

( _Going by the number of guns the officers held, going by the way they held their weapons at the ready and eyed the shadows warily, Roxanne thought that they were almost frighteningly aware_.)

She got past the barricade and joined the small crowd of reporters and journalists that had gathered on the steps of City Hall. Most of them she recognized as veterans of the profession, people who had consistently gone above and beyond to get the exclusive, to get the footage, to get the story. A few of them didn’t have cameras, but from the way they held their cellphones, Roxanne guessed that they planned to use them to film events as they unfolded. 

She was surprised to see that the Mayor was also in attendance, despite the risk to his person, despite the lack of necessity. Few people had the courage to stand witness for a Super Villain’s attack when they knew that no Hero would come to save them.

No one tried to interview her there on the steps, and for that she was grateful. For the moment, she was just a reporter, standing among many reporters, waiting in silence for the next story to unfold.

They didn’t have to wait long.

Hal had just turned on his camera, had just begun to gather footage of the scene, when the water-feature between City Hall and the newly opened Metro Man Museum exploded upward into a spire of water that quickly morphed into a bank of fog. 

The cops aimed their guns into the sudden mist, searching for a target, searching for a threat, for something they could see and fight, and defend against….

Lasers shone inside the bank of fog, lines of light sketched out a giant blue head with glowing red eyes, then spun out and changed into red laser-beams fanning outwards around a sudden ball of fire… and out of the fire stepped Megamind, laughing, with Minion close behind with a boombox blasting “Highway to Hell”.

“Drop em!” he ordered, stepping out of the smoke with a bounce in his step. 

To Roxanne’s horror, the police complied, setting down their guns on the pavement and putting their trembling hands in the air without so much as a whisper of protest. Were these the brave men and women who had vowed to serve and protect the people and to uphold the law in Metro City?

Megamind laughed at their fear as he passed among them, taking time to waive at the subdued police officers and mockingly pinch the Mayor’s cheeks as he danced up the steps to City Hall. Minion followed with a somewhat more dignified gait, grinning sharp-toothed in undisguised glee. 

No one said a word; no one made a move to stop them.

Megamind reached the top of the stairs and turned to face the assembly, signalling to Minion to stop the music.  Minion pressed a button on the boombox, and it-- switched from _Highway to Hell_  to some sort of soppy love-song that Roxanne had never heard before. 

Megamind frowned as Minion tried to right the situation-- _Highway to Hell_ \-- another button-- _the love song_ \-- _Highway to_ \-- _lovesick warbling_ \-- and finely Minion simply smashed to front of the boombox, silencing the unwanted music as Megamind grabbed a microphone from a waiting brainbot and turned back to the reporters.

(Nobody acknowledged this failure in Villainous presentation. No one laughed, made a joke, or even cracked a smile. They just watched in wide-eyed silence and held out their microphones toward him, eager to catch every word yet reluctant to get too close to the Super Villain who had, at long last, truly gained the City’s fear.)

“First off, what a turnout! How wild is this, Hah? Oh-ho-ha-hahahaha!” He smiled, cold, smug and self-assured, the same smile he’d worn in prison. “All I did, was eliminate the most powerful man in the universe! Are there any questions?” 

Nobody answered. 

No one said anything at all.

“Go on!” Megamind called encouragingly, and now Roxanne was mad. He comes here prancing and laughing to pronounce their doom, and  _ he thinks he can just get away with it unchallenged?! _ She raised a hand, pushing her way forward through the crowd

“Yes!” Megamind called, pointing toward her. “You, in the back?” 

“I think we’d all like to know what you plan to do with us, and this city!” she exclaimed, anger and exhaustion warring in her voice as she stepped into view, hair still wild, dress and skin still soot-stained from earlier that day.

“Good, I’m glad you asked that,” he said, turning away and looking back at the cameras with a conspiratorial, side-eyed grin. 

“Imagine the most horrible, terrifying, evil thing you can possibly think of...”  _ normally, she would smile at the way he played to the cameras, the way he acted out his words  _ “And multiply it-- by SIX!”  _ normally, Metro Man would interrupt.  _

“Now in the meantime I want you all to carry on with the dreary, normal things you… normal people do. Let’s just have fun with this, come one! ...And I will get back to you!”

With that, Megamind waived his arms so that he was almost entirely hidden by his cape, with only his eyes peering out as he quickly tiptoed backwards into City Hall. Minion followed suit, standing awkwardly inside the entry until Megamind whispered for him to “Slam the door really hard.”

It might have made for a decently dramatic exit, if it weren’t for Megamind’s microphone picking up his whispered instructions for the assembly, and were it not for the fact the doors were the modern cloudy glass kind, instead of solid wood, allowing them to see the silhouettes of the people inside if they stood by the door. 

As it was, most of the people gathered were left with their mouths open in disbelief. Was  _ this _ the man who had destroyed the invulnerable Metro Man? 

Was this the man who held their lives, and the fate of the entire city-- possibly the entire world-- in his hands?

“This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting live from the steps of City Hall. Megamind has officially taken over Metro City. Citizens are advised to remain calm, and to go about their lives as usual pending further developments. The Metro City Police Department, in a show of…”


	8. Origin Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone has to do something (and that someone is you).

 

 

> _“This is James J. Ames, reporting live from the Scott Family Cemetery, located just five miles north of Metro City city limits, where Metro Man’s funeral is underway.”_
> 
> _The camera pans out to show a packed crowd of black-clad mourners standing with their heads bowed. Many are holding candles, little lights that seem somehow out of place before dark. The sky is overcast, but no rain falls. The band plays a solemn rendition of ‘Amazing Grace’ as the pallbearers carry the shining white metal coffin down the way._
> 
> _“Hundreds have gathered to honor our city’s fallen hero, and many more have come together to mourn him in private memorial ceremonies across the country. Wayne Scott, better known as Metro Man, was the son of noted local philanthropists and business magnates, Alexander and Tiffany Scott. Granted amazing superhuman powers at a young age, he dedicated his life to defending Metro City-- and the world-- from the forces of Evil. Metro Man was struck down in battle during the prime of his life- a Hero to the end. Now, with heavy hearts, we stand witness as he is laid to his final rest.”_
> 
> _The soldiers give a 17-Gun Salute, and with great ceremony, Metro Man’s mortal remains are lowered into the ground. T_
> 
> _he pastor speaks about Metro Man’s goodness and righteousness, waxing eloquent about the rewards of Heaven as the grave is filled with earth._
> 
> _When it is done, the mourners stand in a moment of silence for their lost hero. The camera pushes in on the tombstone: a statue of Metro Man as an angel looking down on them from a pedestal that reads:_
> 
> _Here lies Wayne Scott, Metro Man_
> 
> _Beloved Hero and Savior to All_
> 
> _Lady Scott, head bowed and face veiled, places a single white rose on the grave. Roxanne Ritchi follows, leaving a red rose._
> 
> _T_ _he procession begins, as family members, friends, and the throngs of less-acquainted mourners line up to leave their offerings: flowers, garlands, pictures, candles, action-figures and crosses soon decorate his tomb._

Megamind kept his word: the funeral proceeded without incident.

He didn’t show up to give a eulogy.

He didn’t disrupt the main service, hinder the funeral procession, or decide that what the burial _really needed_ was some _fireworks_ to keep people interested.

He didn’t even use the memorial services (of which there were many, both in Metro City and across the country) as a diversion for some unrelated nefarious schemes.

The day of Metro Man’s funeral was one of mourning and solemnity, uninterrupted by the riotous new Overlord.

At 7am in the morning after the funeral, Roxanne, exhausted and emotionally drained from the day before, was only halfway through her first cup of coffee when the distorted, fast-paced notes of an electric guitar blasted through the blessedly quiet morning stillness.

Her first thought was that it was too early in the morning for heavy metal music.

No, actually, her _first_ thought was _how_ dare _he do this when I haven’t even had my damn COFFEE yet?!_

Her second thought was that it was far too early in the morning for heavy metal, and her third thought was that of _course_ he’d pick _Megadeth_ for his grand… whatever it was he was doing.

She took a quick gulp of coffee, hoping to get as much caffeine into her system as possible before she was pulled away, glad that she was at least already dressed for the day. Meanwhile, a voice distorted by anger and low-quality speakers roared defiance through through the streets, through the morning air, through her apartment:

 

 

> _WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I ‘DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD’_
> 
> _I TALK TO HIM EVERY DAY!_
> 
> _WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I ‘DON’T SUPPORT YOUR SYSTEM’?_
> 
> _I GO TO COURT WHEN I HAVE TO..._

 

To her surprise, Roxanne was able to finish all of her coffee _and_ the cream-cheese bagel with no further signs of Megamind. The song switched over from _Peace Sells_ to _Symphony of Destruction_ , but that was all. The notable lack of kidnappings, explosions, or dramatic declarations of villainous intent was disconcerting. It wasn’t like him to set up a soundtrack without an accompanying Evil Plot.

Stepping out of her apartment building and onto the street, Roxanne began to wonder if it the soundtrack _was_ the Evil Plot. Indoors, from her high-rise apartment, the music had been loud. Outdoors, on street-level, it was _beyond_ loud; it was...

A barrage of _SOUND, FURY, ANGER, ROCK’N’ROLL,_ amplified, distorted, echoing through the streets and drowning out the world. Glass and metal and gate-posts and all seemed to vibrate with the sound:

 

 

> **_THE EARTH STARTS TO RUMBLE_ **
> 
> **_WORLD POWERS FALL_ **
> 
> **_A'WARRING FOR THE HEAVENS,_ **
> 
> **_A PEACEFUL MAN STANDS TALL_ **
> 
> **_TALL...!!!!_ **

It was a music, a noise that drowned out the world and annihilated thought.

_So loud, it was almost impossible to think about how Metro Man (Wayne) was dead, so loud it almost blocked the thought of Megamind having killed him…_

When she stepped into the news-station, things were already busy. Instead of the usual morning talk-show, Roxanne saw James J. Ames was doing a ‘Breaking News Bulletin’: the Emergency Broadcast System, which was normally used to alert citizenry of flooding, dangerous weather conditions and the like, had been hijacked by the new ‘Overlord’ for the sake of Rock’n’Roll. The National Weather Service had permission to turn off the music in the event of an actual emergency, but barring that Megamind’s music was expected to keep on playing until, quote:

“ _I decide to turn it off, or until someone_ not _affiliated with the National Weather Service defies me and figures out how to make the music stop themselves, in which case they’ll have earned the quiet_.”

Meanwhile, the temporarily-ousted talk-show hosts were hastily trying to write up jokes and talking-points based around the still-blasting music (which was faintly audible even inside the thick walls of the tv-station), someone was on the phone trying to get a statement from the Metro Advocates for Wholesome Media (M.A.W.M.), and the people from the Meteorology Department were going over their charts with unusual intensity, presumably checking to see if conditions warranted a stop to the music.

It seemed that with a Supervillain in power, there would be no shortage of work for the local news outlets.

“Ritchi!” Davison called as the broadcast switched to commercials. “Right on time! I need you to do some on-site reporting today.”

“Sounds good,” she replied, heading towards him. “Where are the sites and what’s the story?”

“I want you to get the word on the street about the whole ‘Overlord’ situation,” he explained. “We don’t have any specific locations in mind, just find some people willing to give their two cents on the recent changes in city governance.” She nodded, adjusting her purse-strap.

“You’ll give me a call if the interns hear anything interesting on the Police Broadband?” she asked.

“Of course!” Davison hollered. “You know I’d never cheat you out of a scoop. Don’t know if I’ll need to though; you always seem to find the action first anyway.”

“Ha ha,” she said, looking away. “So, is Hal in yet? We’ll need to go over our route.”

“Here he is now,” Davison said as Hal approached, donut in one hand and coffee in the the other. “Stewart, you and Roxanne are doing on-scene interviews and reporting today. Get the word on the street about Megamind’s takeover, be ready to report live if anything interesting happens, you know the drill.”

“You got it, Boss-man,” he said, taking a swig of coffee. “Gimme like, three minutes to get some equipment and stuff for the road, and I’ll be ready to roll. Meet me at the van, Roxie?”

“Sure, Hal.”

* * *

 

Hal arrived at the van close to fifteen minutes later, carrying a bag of extra film-equipment in one arm and a box of donuts in the other.

“So, wow, I can’t believe Metro Man died!” he said, setting the donuts on the dashboard and slamming the door shut. “It’s just, it’s so messed up. It’s like, I’m super torn up about it, of course, but the music here is kinda killing the mood, you know?”

“That’s- Hey, could you _not_ put the donuts there? I’m pretty sure it’s getting ready to spill everywhere as soon as we start moving.”

“Will do, Roxaroo,” he said, moving the box to his lap. “Hey, listen, I know you must be like, heartbroken about your boyfriend dying and everything, so I want you to know that if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I am totally available.”

“Thanks for the offer, Hal,” she grimaced as she started the engine. “But I think I’m alright for now. Do you know of any food-carts in the area nearby?”

“No need!” he proclaimed, opening the donut-box with dramatic flourish. “I’ve got some delicious food right here; so there’s no need to find a vendor. Your hero Hal, with all the snacks and breakfast foods!”

Roxanne rolled her eyes.

“Actually, I already ate,” she said, gently pushing away the offered box. “I was thinking that we could talk to the food-cart vendors, or their customers if there are any around, and ask what they think of Megamind’s recent takeover. Maybe get some commentary on the City’s new hard-rock soundtrack.”

“...Oh. Okay, yeah, I think there’s this one hot-dog stand at the park with the you know, the one with the fountains…?”

“Shelby-Smith Park?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. It’s pretty popular, and the guy’s pretty much always there. Also, it’s probably good that you didn’t want the donuts, because it turns out that there’s like, one left.”

“Right…” she sighed, eyes on the road. “So first stop, Shelby-Smith Park! Where else can we find people wandering around?”

 

The sound of Metallica’s _Hardwired_  echoed through the streets.

* * *

 

 

“Hi, I’m Roxanne Ritchi, with KMCP News. Can you spare a few minutes to share your thoughts on current events?

 

 

> _The hotdog-man adjusted his hat, glancing nervously from side to side. “I am… I… look, Megamind-- Overlord Megamind, that is, he’s got a death-ray powerful enough to take down METRO MAN! I heard that the Observatory and half the cliffside is gone! ...You get why I might be a tad reluctant to talk on camera?”_
> 
>  

 

 

> _“It’s a disgrace!” the woman proclaimed as the movers loaded boxes into the truck behind her. “_ _What’s happening in this city is an absolute disgrace; the triumph of evil here represents the moral degradation that’s been plaguing this city for years. I warned people, didn’t I, about the crime rates around here; I said that rock’n’roll music was the Devil’s work, but did they listen? Did they take the initiative to have their husbands find jobs in different cities, did they petition the radio stations to ban this filthy music from the airwaves, did they think about the children at all? No!” She nodded sharply, wagging her finger with an air of righteous, vindicated smugness. “I’m no fool, and my husband isn’t either! We’re taking our kids and we’re getting out of this God-forsaken city before that alien criminal can do anything WORSE than exposing us all to this heathen music!”_

 

 

 

> _“Well ma’am, Supervillain takeover or no, I ain’t convinced that things’ll change that much for those of us on the ground,” the construction-worker said, drumming his fingers on his metal lunchbox. “We might get some new statues around, and maybe the trains’ll finally run on time or maybe they won’t, haha, but what’s the worst that could happen? The government never cared about people like me before; no reason that’d change now.”_
> 
>  

 

 

> _“The death of our Savior and Defender, Metro Man, is clearly a sign of the End-Times! Though we built great monuments in his name, though we sang his praises, Metro Man saw through us into our hearts, just as he sees through walls of lead, and he perceived the impurities within us! That is why he fell, betrayed by copper, that most impure metal, and struck down with hellfire from above!” The self-described Prophet shook with emotion, lifting up his arms toward the sky. He pointed at Roxanne, staring at her with over-bright eyes. “You, most beloved of Metro Man, shall carry the next incarnation of our Savior! Your son will defeat-- Wait! Where are you going?! How dare you walk away from Metro Man’s Most Holy Prophet, woman?!”_

 

 

 

> _“Like, on the one hand this is all SUPER scary and all that, but on the other hand, schools are closed until further notice, so….” The teenager shrugged, pushing her bangs out of her hair. “Look, the League of Heroes ’ll probably send someone over here to oust Megamind sooner or later, and in the meantime we’re getting out of school like, a month and a half early, so why not enjoy it while it lasts?”_
> 
> _“Amber! I can’t believe you’d say that!” her friend said, half to Amber and half to the camera. “Overlord killed Metro Man, remember? Everyone knows he was like, the strongest guy in the League! D’you really think any of those other Heroes stand a chance?”_

 

 

 

> _“Megamind will burn in hell for what he did,” growled the man who’d refused to speak with them on camera until he’d covered his face with a white bandana and a pair of sunglasses. “Someone oughta teach that blue bastard a lesson. He killed the best of us through some vile, underhanded trickery, and someone should bring ‘em to justice. And by ‘justice’ I mean burying that blue freak six feet under!”_

 

 

> _“I, for one, welcome our new alien Overlords!” The woman, dressed in a_ blue _shirt, a_ blue _jacket, and blue-jeans, smiled broadly, gesturing to the sign behind her, which read ‘_ ** _Aliens Welcome-- Park your Flying Saucers in the Back!_** _’_ _“Metro City will at last achieve its rightful place as Capital of the Planet, and Earth will finally end its isolation and join the Galactic Community in promoting understanding and harmony within our multicultural, multi-species star system!”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat it,” the man in the business-suit said dryly. “The situation is objectively terrible. Our Defender is dead, and the man who killed him, a literal Supervillain, has taken control of the City, and there is really loud music blasting pretty much everywhere for no discernable reason. Things are bad. For the moment, I think the best we can do is just keep our heads down, mind our own business, and hope some hero’ll come along and bring us back to the status-quo.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“I… I loved him, you know? I loved Metro Man, and…” she broke off, sobbing, burying her face in her hands before looking back at the camera to continue. “He saved my life once, and I always thought that if I could just have the chance to talk to him, just have the chance, then maybe he’d love me too, you know? I know he has-- he had-- a girlfriend, ‘Roxie’ whatshername, but I always thought that if I could just… TALK to him, then maybe I… we… but now he’s dead…! She buried her face in her hands and turned away, sobbing._
> 
>  
> 
> _“That blue son of a ***** wouldn’t be laughing so hard if those ********* cops’d had the ****s to take a shot at his ****ing over-sized head when he pranced up to City Hall. Mother******’s supposed t’be bullet-proof, but cops these days got ****ing military-grade stuff, right? They should’ve taken ‘em out! **** it! You think that blue **** used mind-control on ‘em to make ‘em act like a bunch of yellow-bellied ******s? ****, I tell you, if Metro Man were there he woulda put the fear of God in those police *****s for letting some jumped-up blue **** push ‘em around. Hell, I’d go after the ****** myself if it weren’t for the fact that he’d prolly send those god**** attack-robots. after my god**** dog! Man’s gotta look after his ****ing dog, right? ****._

 

> _“I hear some people are moving out, with the whole “Megamind conquering the city” thing. To be honest, I’d like to move too; doesn’t seem like it’s safe around here, you know? But we can’t afford the cost of moving, and sure as heck can’t afford to leave our jobs; I’ve got a dental plan, and who knows if we’d be able to find someone who offers dental in another city?” The woman adjusted her hold on her baby and continued. “My brother thinks we should move to a bigger place around here. He’s saying that now that Megamind’s in charge, real-estate here in Metro City’ll be going for cheap. I don’t know about that, myself. I’d be scared of Megamind flattening the place with one of his giant robots, you know? Do you know if there’s a system for paying tribute-money to the Overlord, by the way? Where I can find out how to pay to make sure my home doesn’t get flattened?”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“We need a hero,” the boy said, clutching his Metro Man action-figure close to his chest. “We need a superhero to rescue us from the evil super-villain who’s causing all the trouble and breaking stuff and making everyone all sad and scared all the time. A superhero’s bound to show up eventually! That’s how it works.”_

 

Under normal circumstances, a day spent doing random interviews and getting “the word on the street” was fun, but exhausting. It meant a day spent meeting new people, hearing different points of view, and really getting a feel for what was happening in the city on a more personal level. It meant a day of walking the length and breadth of the streets all day, trying to convince people to talk on camera, trying to convince people to stop photo-bombing the video for a shot at their three seconds of fame, and hoping the weather wasn’t making a mess of her hair and makeup.

Today was all of that with a side of _a very personal topic_ , and a whopping portion of _ridiculously loud Rock music_ to go with it _._ So for the most part, today was just exhausting.

“Hey, you wanna maybe get dinner or something after we drop this footage off at the Station?” Hal asked, his tone an attempt at casual. Roxanne tightened her grip on the wheel.

“No thanks,” she said, eyes on the road. “I’m gonna need to stay a little while, show the team what’s on each tape, which interviews need the profanity filter, all that fun stuff.”

“Oh, right! Hey, if this thing ends up keeping us at work until after dark, I can totally take you home and like, walk you to your door. It’s not safe to be out alone these days, you know.”

“That won’t be necessary,” she said curtly. “I have a system.” She had a parking-space really close to her apartment, a can of pepper-spray, and a doorman who never, ever let non-residents into the building without a voucher-- and there was no way in hell she’d be vouching for Hal.

“Yeah, well you might wanna think about getting a new system,” Hal leered, leaning towards her. “Metro Man’s out of the picture-- it’s time to open your eyes and start looking around for someone new to be your hero.”

“The funeral was _yesterday_ ,” she said tightly, leaning away. “I’m not going to… to get over him just like that, and I cannot _believe_ that you would say that to me!” She shoved the gear into ‘park.’ “We’re here. Let’s get back to work.”

“Hey, I’m sorry; you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Hal cajoled as she collected her purse and exited the van, slamming the door behind her. “I just think that, with Metro Man dead and Megamind ruling the city, things are just more dangerous these days. Not that I’m scared! I just thought if you were scared you might want someone to hold your hand-- not that I think you’re scared, but if you were, I’d be open to...”

Roxanne hurried inside while he gathered up the equipment, leaving him to listen to the sound of his own voice.

She’d thought he was bad before, but since Metro Man died-- since her super-powered (so called) boyfriend had officially gone “out of the picture” for good-- Hal had reached new levels of creepiness. Where he’d once attempted a facade of professionalism, he’d now become bold enough to ask for dates outright. When they were passing each other equipment, Hal had begun to go out of his way to touch her hand, and she had to pull away because he never let go first. His ‘compliments,’ which had always felt… uncomfortable… were edging further and further into the realm of Inappropriate, and yet.

And yet. He never said or did anything in front of other people.

As she hurried into the safety of the bustling office-space, past the recording studio and towards the editing station, she knew so long as she was around other people, Hal would be a generally harmless nerd who was very good at his job. It was only when they were alone that he’d start to cross the line from ‘friendly’ to ‘creepy’.

Of course she thought about calling HR about it.

Of course she thought about telling Davison what was going on; of course she thought about asking him to at the very least assign her to a different camera-man. The problem was, she didn’t know how to explain the problem.

How could she, Roxanne Ritchi, the Investigative Reporter who would put her life on the line for a story, the woman who fearlessly faced Super-Villains and socialites alike, explain that her coworker made her nervous? How could she, as woman working in visual media, explain that so-called ‘compliments’ made her uncomfortable?

Most importantly, if she said something, would anyone care?

Even if they did believer her, they might pretend not to: a good camera-guy is hard to find these days, and it might not be wise for her to start making waves at this point in her career.

Roxanne had gone where she was today by being very good at her job. She asked the right questions, she got her facts straight, she was careful about her presentation, and she went above and beyond to get the scoop. That was why they gave her her choice of stories; that was how she earned that nice raise last year.

However.

Roxanne was thirty-two now, and she was a woman working in TV media. Sooner or later the powers that be would be wanting a younger, fresher face, and on some level, she’d been counting on her affiliation with Metro Man to help push it to ‘later’ rather than ‘sooner’.

Like it or not, she couldn’t afford to be labelled as someone who started trouble. After all, technically Hal hadn’t done anything.

As he approached the editing station, tapes in hand, chatting to an intern about one of the more colorful encounters of the day, she tried to make herself bury the thought that he _hadn’t actually done anything_ yet.

The music was still blasting when she got home that night.

* * *

 

The music stopped at a quarter after midnight, which meant that Roxanne was able to get at least a few hours of sleep.

It started up again with some Ozzy Osbourne tracks the following afternoon. Since the return of the city-wide Music Fest apparently coincided with the new Overlord paying a visit to the Metro Museum of Fine Arts, and Roxanne Ritchi was sent out to report.

At the museum, she… did not find the scene of organized chaos normally associated with Megamind’s museum robberies.

Instead of people fleeing in terror as the brainbots fired warning shots over their heads, she saw a subdued group of museum-goers and staff-members exiting the museum two by two, ushered by a couple of security-guards under the watchful red ‘eyes’ of the brainbots.

Instead of hearing some grandiose speech about how only Metro Man could prevent the theft of whatever rare and priceless pieces were in the latest special exhibit, there was only electric chords of _Crazy Train_ blasting on the Emergency Broadcast System.

Instead of seeing the action live an in person from her place tied to a chair ( _or a deathtrap, or an art-themed weapon or doomsday device, or a statue of a dragon_ ), she was on the outside, just doing a report.

She dutifully described the scene as the last few people were herded out and the brainbots took up stations guarding the door, then approached the Curator to get his take on what was happening inside.

“...Well, Mega-- Overlord Megamind came into my office just as the music started, him and his minion. I’m not sure how long they were in the museum before that; no one saw they come in,” the curator explained, tugging at the lapels of his already-rumpled grey suit. “And he said to me, ‘Beckett,’-- that’s my name, by the way; Gregory Beckett, Chief Curator at the Metro Museum of Fine Arts-- he said to me, ‘Beckett, this is your lucky day!’. So I asked why, and he said that since moving into City Hall, he’d realized the place was in drastic need of redecorating, and we at the museum were lucky to have the chance to ‘fulfill our civic duty of serving our Evil Overlord.’”

“I see,” Roxanne said, looking sideways at the small swarm of brainbots hovering in front of the doors. “Can you tell our viewers what happened next?”

Curator Beckett pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at his forehead.

“Well, I’ve got a family to think about, you know, and so do most of my staff. I told the Overlord that if he could just give us a list of the items we had that he wanted, we’d collect them. He said there wouldn’t be any need for that; he and his minion would just go through and pick out what they liked for themselves. Then the henchman-- that one’s got a scary grin, let me tell you, too many sharp teeth-- he told me to start evacuating the building, and the brainbots would help make sure no one was inside while they, well, he didn’t actually say they were planning on looting the place, but I can tell that’s what he meant.”

He ran a hand through his greying hair, apparently at a loss regarding the situation.

“What will it mean for the art community if irreplaceable works are seized during Megamind’s regime, and potentially damaged or destroyed?” Roxanne asked, a challenge in her voice. _What will it take to get people to care; what will it take to get people to fight?_

“The destruction of art is an evil only second to murder,” Beckett said, face pale. “I know where I stand on that matter, and I stand by my decision to prioritize the safety of our staff and patrons over the safety of our works of art, but I won’t deny that it was a painful decision. I can only pray that our Overlord’s appreciation for the fine arts is more refined than his taste in music might suggest, and that he won’t damage the pieces that are now in his personal collection.”

The police arrived shortly thereafter.

That is to say, one police car pulled up across the street from the museum, and a single officer approached the building while his partner waited in the driver’s seat with the engine still running: clearly, Metro City’s finest had changed their attitude since ‘Overlord’ Megamind’s sudden rise to power.

Before, there would have been at least half a dozen police cars converging on the building, lights flashing and megaphones blaring as they announced that they had the place surrounded.

Before, Megamind would have strode-- or flown, or ridden-- out of the building with a smirk and a new weapon to show off, and the weapon would have some sort of loose affiliation with a special exhibit at the museum.

She remembered the Escher Maze, the hours spent in a space that couldn’t decide which direction was ‘up’....

It would’ve been better, then.

Not just because Metro Man was... still alive, but--- Megamind used to treat people with-- not with respect; he frequently mocked the incompetence of the police and described the general populace as ‘mindless drones’, but… He at least acted as if other people could possibly matter, could possibly interfere with his plans.

Now he didn’t.

* * *

 

Megamind left the premises a few hours later, and Roxanne was finally allowed to enter the building.

She would do a live report on what had happened, and then she would collect facts and information while Hal collected extra footage. That was the plan.

Inside the museum, she found broken benches, scattered picture-frames, and far too many empty walls and toppled pedestals. A lone painting hung crookedly on the wall next to a label whose description did not match the image.

_(Once, during a kidnapping, Megamind called her a priceless work of art-- a corny line made to reference the five_ actual _priceless works of art he’d stolen that day. But he’d looked into her eyes and he said it, and...)_

A marble bust of Metro Man was found, discarded in the middle of an empty corridor. Its face was cracked, but not shattered, and the eyes seemed to stare from beyond the grave.

Roxanne looked away.

* * *

 

The following day, Roxanne did a report on how the noise-pollution of the rock-music playing city-wide on the Emergency Broadcast System could lead to hearing loss and potentially permanent damage to the eardrums. Shortly thereafter, without announcement or fanfare, Metro City’s Overlord decided to turn off the music. Apparently, he’d decided to start bringing the music with him, instead of making sure it was already present wherever he happened to go. The man always did love his dramatic entrances.

Weeks passed, and it became clear that there would be no help coming from the outside. Driving home early that afternoon, Roxanne couldn’t help feeling bitter about it.

Once you cut through all the hyperbole and political rhetoric, the response from Washington boiled down to saying that Megamind was a problem for the state government to handle ( _please-don’t-aim-the-satellite-death-ray-at-the-White-House_ ), and they wouldn’t be getting involved unless Megamind proved himself to be a genuine threat to the nation.

Meanwhile, the state government claimed that this was clearly a job for a superhero… and they’d have to wait for a volunteer, since there wasn’t enough extra money in the annual budget to hire one.

_The problem,_ Roxanne thought to herself as she drove past a row of shops with recently-boarded up windows, _Is actually finding a hero who’s willing to step up and help us in our goddamn hour of need._

The League of Heroes had issued a statement. They’d expressed their _deep sorrow_ at one of their most powerful members having been killed in the line of duty, and sworn to _honor his memory_ . They’d thrown around some empty words about bringing Megamind to justice, followed swiftly by excuses about why they _couldn’t_ do anything against him _just yet_ :

Apparently, Megamind’s victory had inspired others, and the League was _very busy_ trying to maintain order their own territories, far away from Metro City.

There was a chance that they’d get around to putting together a special task force, or possibly a committee, to figure out how to take down a Supervillain with an army of robots, an arsenal of unique, high-tech weaponry, an orbital death-ray, and an entire City’s worth of hostages.

There was a chance, but Roxanne wasn’t holding her breathe.

Meanwhile, because Megamind had robbed pretty much every bank in the city, a lot of the local businesses simply didn’t have funds to pay people anymore. Roxanne was driving home early today because KMCP had cut her hours, and there were rumors of an upcoming round of layoffs.

She tried to tell herself that she should be grateful to even have a job still, but she couldn’t quite make herself believe it.

Things were bad. The people of Metro City were suffering, and their self-styled Overlord was having a grand old time, dancing in the streets, flaunting cash but hardly ever spending anything, and constantly mocking the helplessness of the populace. When he arrived on the scene, he’d often invite the citizens to _“challenge me… if you dare!”_ , knowing full-well that no one would.

The propaganda posters that now decorated City Hall, the subway stations, and certain possibly-random walls seemed to highlight the point: _NO YOU CAN’T_ , they read.

You can’t do anything.

As she made her way through the downtown, Roxanne noted the buildings that were marked with Megamind’s ‘M-and-two-lightning-bolts’ symbol: proof that they’d paid protection money, haphazardly affixed to the walls by brainbots. It was a new system, not dissimilar to the one used in the Safe Neighborhoods, actually: she’d done a segment on it last week.

In addition to the officially marked buildings, there were a few businesses that were… less officially marked.

Roxanne growled as she passed the pet store on 2nd Street: blue spray-paint had been sloppily applied to the red awning: _M_ _egamind’s_ , it read.

Never mind the fact that the Overlord knew damn well which things he’d actually claimed and which things he hadn’t; never mind the fact that it was ugly to look at; never mind the fact that nobody in Metro City needed _another_ reminder of who was running the town...

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Sometimes people were tasteless idiots who graffitied their own buildings. It wasn’t worth the energy it took to be mad about it, especially when there were so many, many more important things to be mad about instead.

Two minutes later, Roxanne parked in the the lot behind her apartment building. She took her pepper-spray out of her purse and readied the trigger before leaving her vehicle, making double-sure the doors were locked behind her. The apartment management had started keeping the back doors locked in daytime hours, so Roxanne held her weapon at her side as she went around to the front of the building. Better safe than sorry.

When she saw the doorman, she raised a hand (the one that wasn’t holding the pepper-spray) in greeting.

“Hey Carlos,” she said. “Beat back any crazed looters this evening?”

“None so far, Miss Ritchi,” he said with a grin, moving his baseball-bat to his left hand and opening the door. “Just don’t tell the landlord! I got a fat raise for protecting the building from those looters.” Roxanne smiled at that, but couldn’t quite bring herself to fake a laugh as she stepped inside.

She took the elevator up to her apartment. Crime really was up in Metro City, and there had indeed been looters-- though not nearly as many as you’d think, given how much people seemed to talk about it. The police were stretched rather thin, doing damage-control on Megamind, and the _illustrious_ ruler of the city didn’t seem to take much interest in maintaining law and order.

Unbidden, a thought came to her mind.

_He used to ask me to be his Evil Queen._

The elevator doors opened, and she stepped out into the hallway, making a beeline for for her door.

It didn’t mean anything, obviously. He didn’t mean anything by it. He hadn’t mentioned it once since he came to power; he hasn’t even spoken to her since he took City Hall.

( _The day he took City Hall; the day Metro Man died, and he killed him. He killed Metro Man, and..._ )

It didn’t matter. The-- the ‘Evil Queen’ thing didn’t matter.

She unlocked her apartment and stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind her. Shedding her jacket and stepping out of her shoes was a relief; it felt good to get home and just relax. This seemed like a good evening to just change into pajamas, lounge on the couch, and watch tv.

Maybe if she just vegged out in front of the screen, she’d be able to shut her brain off for a while and not think about how Metro Man had died while they’d still been on bad terms, _how she never took the time to talk it out and make things right between them, and now she’d never get the chance_ …

Not think about how she’d never had that many friends to begin with, and she didn’t appreciate how good she had it until he was gone, and now… Maybe if she’d smiled more, maybe if she’d been friendlier and put in more effort then…

( _Smiling never stopped anyone from getting killed._ )

( _Maybe she didn’t have friends because they could tell her smile was fake; maybe nobody wanted to spend time with her because she was nothing but a stupid, gullible fake..._ )

This definitely seemed like a ‘nachos, popcorn, and reality-tv’ kind of night.

If she could just stop thinking for a while, stop feeling for a while… maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.

* * *

 

They had her do a piece in Metro Man’s memory to honor the one-month anniversary of his death.

She recited her speech on the steps of the Metro Man Museum, just across the way from City Hall. She’d meant to stick to the script this time; she’d written it herself, and it’d been approved with hardly any edits. But.

_“...And I have just one question for Megamind. Are you happy now? This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting from a city without a hero.”_

She hadn’t been able to help adding in an extra line, hadn’t been able to help demanding some answer, some sort of accountability from Megamind. He probably hadn’t even been watching, but she’d had to say it, had to ask.

( _He’d been upset, afterwards, when the cameras were off and there was no one else to see. Now-- no matter how jubilant he seemed, no matter how much he seemed to revel in his absolute power, Megamind still laughed like it was mid-December, and in December, he was never happy.)_

“...Aaand, wrap that up and give it to a child on Christmas, cause we’re done!” Hal announced as he turned off the camera.

“Okay,” she said, turning away. “See you tomorrow Hal.” She started up the steps toward the Museum.

Hal followed her.

“Wait, Roxie, I’m having a party at my house; it’s gonna be off the hook, or whatever.” He gave a crooked smile that aimed at devilish charm, but missed. “You should come over! I got a DJ, rented a bouncy house, made a gallon of dip; it’s gonna be sick.”  

“Oh, I-- I don’t know Hal,” she said tightly, stepping backward up the stairs. “I don’t really feel like being around a whole bunch of people--”

“Nonono, that’s the best part; it’ll just be you and me.” Hal smiled again, and Roxanne sort of-- froze. For a moment. Because.

_Because the ‘party’ was just an excuse to get her alone, and there wasn’t anyone around at the moment, but so close to City Hall, there was some visibility, there... If he’d gotten her alone, somewhere_ private _, well, she could probably take him in a fight, maybe, probably, she had her pepper-spray in her pocket…_

He was still there, smiling at her in that skin-crawling way, waiting for her response...

“Wow, that um… That’s certainly... very tempting, but--”

“I did hire a wedding photographer,” he interrupted, stepping forward as she stepped back. “That’s just in case we were like, something crazy happening and we wanted a picture of it like: maybe we should have this for like, ever, like a memory, you know?”

“Um, I’m gonna pass,” she said, smiling like her life depended on it. “I have some-- work here, I need to do.” _Just keep smiling,_ she ordered herself as she handed him the KMCP microphone, as she backed away. _Just keep smiling until he’s gone, just keep smiling until you can get away._

“So Thursday?” he asked insistently, stepping back at last. “Soft Thursday?”

“Goodnight, Hal!”

_Smile and smile and keep smiling, Roxanne. More and more people are carrying guns these days, and there’s no Metro Man around anymore._

“That’s a soft yes on Thursday,” he said cheerfully, turning back towards the van.

Roxanne kept walking, and she didn’t turn around when she heard him slam his fist against the van and berate himself for a poor choice in pickup lines; she kept walking as she heard the door slam shut. She heard tires screeching on the asphalt and finally glanced back, just in time to see the Hal narrowly miss hitting a street-light as he drove away into the night.

Tomorrow, she would have to see him again, would have to work with him as if nothing had happened: there were no rules against inviting a coworker to a party when you’re both off the clock, and even if he had dented to KMCP van with that little tantrum, she had no way to prove it. Best to just put it aside for now.

Best to just keep walking up the steps, see if she could finally put that free Season Pass to use and look around the museum a little while before they closed for the night. There weren’t many people around, and it was the one-month anniversary of Metro Man’s death. She wouldn’t even have to fake a smile.

There was no one at the desk by the entrance when she came in, no guards standing by to stamp people’s tickets, but the sign listing museum hours said that they’d be open for another thirty minutes at least, so she scanned her own card and opened the gate herself.

Once inside, she breathed a quiet sigh of relief and, after glancing around to confirm that there isn’t anyone in her immediate vicinity, took out her phone and dialed the number for the taxi-service. It rang five times before someone picked up.

_“Hello, Traymone & Sons Taxi Service. We drive in-city only, and we’ll drive anywhere in Metro City. Extra fees may apply, at driver’s discretion. How can I help you?” _

“Ah, I need a ride from the Metro Man Museum to my apartment on 12th street.”

_“Alrighty, let me see who’s on the list; please hold while I check for cabs in your area…”_

The opening strains of _Hello, My Baby_ began to play, and Roxanne took the time to examine a nearby map of the the museum with the little “You Are Here” marker. The song was halfway through the first chorus when he came back on the line.

_“Hello, you still with me?”_ he asked in greeting.

“Yup, still one the line.”

_“Alright, so you’re at the Metro Man Museum? We can have someone over there in about fifteen, maybe twenty minutes, but there’ll be a $10 fee for goin’ that close to the Overlord’s place at City Hall; more if there’s trouble. That alright by you?”_

“That’s fine,” she said, looking at the darkness just outside the wall of windows. “Should I wait on the steps, or…?”

_“You can stay inside ma’am; don’t worry about it. Just be warned, that close to City Hall we won’t stick around waiting for more than ten minutes after the arrival-time, so if you miss your ride, that’s on you.”_

“Got it. I’ll be there.”

_“Alrighty. Have a good evening, and thank you for choosing Traymone & Sons Taxi Service for your Metro City transportation needs.” _  

The line went dead, and Roxanne closed her phone and put it back in her pocket. Now, at last, she took the time to really look around.

The Metro Man Museum, built to honor and celebrate its namesake, now seemed like more of a shrine to his memory. Roxanne stood alone in a space obviously meant to accommodate hoards.

Here, she saw a giant plastic model of Metro Man’s DNA, there, a display with a simplified explanation of how laser-eyes worked, and over there was the wall lined with statues of legendary heroes: each display stood alone and apart from the others, as if to ensure that no one would be distracted from the intended item of focus during a guided tour.

(After the hero died, the museum had cancelled the tours-- and most of the other special events, as well. People probably wouldn’t come, anyway. The museum was just across the way from City Hall.)

Just behind the escalator, Roxanne noticed a display that Wayne had told her about, one that he’d requested specifically: a globe surrounded by speech-bubbles of people crying for help, meant to serve as a visual representation of life with super-hearing.

She remembered him saying that the final version at the museum didn’t do the experience justice; she remembered how he’d promised to show it to her at the Grand Opening party on Metro Man Day.

Blinking back her tears, Roxanne held her head high as she headed for the escalator. Maybe she could take the time to see the Museum’s main attraction, as long as she was here. She should have time to look before her cab arrived.

Her footsteps echoed in the wide, empty stillness of the museum. Twice, she thought she saw someone in the corner of her eye, only to turn and see a statue. There was Metro Man, standing in prototypical heroic fashion and grabbing Megamind by the collar; there was Megamind, his expression bordering on comical as he tried to reel backward as he was caught mid-leap: a snapshot of their lives, captured in bronze.

She missed the time when it was that simple; she missed… she missed _him_. She missed talking to him; she missed him being there.

She passed the bronze statues by, passed the painting of Megamind and Metro Man in pitched battle, setting her sights on the Museum’s centerpiece.

The Metro Man Museum was divided into two sections: one wing was dedicated primarily to Metro Man and the celebration of heroism; the other focused on villains he’d defeated, battles he’d one, and lives he’d saved. Between the two portions of the museum stood a ten-story-high (not counting the globe) statue of the Metro Man, set on a slowly rotating pedestal that had cost a fortune to install.  On the ninth story-- shoulder-height to the statue-- the two museum buildings were connected by a single walkway that encircled the statue and allowed visitors an unparalleled view of both the statue and-- if they cared to look beyond it-- the city.

As the elevator ascended toward the platform, Roxanne looked through it’s glass walls and thought to herself that in the end, there was no such thing as invulnerability.

The elevator doors opened, and she stepped out onto the platform. This close, she could see the details of the figure, the muscles, immortalized hair. She could see Wayne the way the city saw him: larger than life, and able to carry the world on his shoulders.

Now he was gone.

Now he was gone, and the city was falling apart, and she had lost one of the very few friends she had. He was gone, and she stood alone, hands on the railing of a glass walkway suspended high in the air on steel girders, under a night’s sky whose stars were obscured by the spotlights surrounding his monument.

“What are we supposed to do?” she asked aloud, a sense of melancholy settling on her shoulders and in her heart. “Without you, evil is running rampant through the streets. People are afraid to leave their homes, the police are running scared, and our so-called ‘Evil Overlord’ is treating the City like his own personal amusement park.” She sighed, leaning against the railing despondently. “Someone has to stop Megamind.”

“Hey, we’re closing soon.” Roxanne turned, startled to see a man with a blue turtleneck and brown suit jacket, pushing a book-cart loaded with hardcover copies of _The Anthology of North American Supervillains: Third Edition_.

“Woah, you scared me!” She searched her memory for a name; he was the curator of the museum; they’d met once…. “Barry, right?”

“Bernard,” he corrected, his voice dripping with either exhaustion or utter contempt. He was, she realized, listed as a co-author on the _Anthology_.

“Bernard! I was just-- well--” She looked from him to the statue and back, smiling awkwardly. “--Talking to myself. You probably think I’m a little bit nuts!”

“I’m not allowed to insult guests directly.” _So that’s a yes to the ‘nuts’ thing, then._

“Thank you, uh--” Bernard started maneuvering the cart around her. “Bernard, I’ll just be another minute.”

“Okay, fine” he groaned, rolling his eyes as he continued on his way.

“Thanks,” she said, turning back to the statue. It was… hard to get back into the contemplative mood, now that she realized she wasn’t quite as alone with her thoughts as she’d originally supposed.

Hopefully, her taxi would arrive before the Museum was locked up; if not, she could probably wait by the awning without too much trouble. The sign would remain well-lit all night, and if she stayed close to the doors, she was unlikely to be noticed by the casual late-night passerby.

It was almost funny, how much these things seemed to matter now.

Roxanne had thought about this sort of thing before, of course; she wasn’t stupid. Her mother had drilled her on Prudent Habits and Basic Safety Precautions as soon as she’d been old enough to leave home unsupervised, and she’d never lost the habit.

But.

It all seemed somehow more… immediately important, since Metro Man died. It all seemed that much more urgent.

Roxanne, staring up at Metro Man’s face ( _Wayne’s face; he would want me to remember him as Wayne. My friendly, generous… irritating, egotistical… reliable, caring, heroic friend Wayne..._ ), wondered if she’d ever really been brave at all.

All those times she’d remained calm in the face of danger, critiquing deathtraps, making conversation with her kidnapper, and trying to find the fatal flaw in the latest Evil Plan… had she truly been brave, or had having an unbeatable powerhouse of a superhero in her corner merely made her bold? If there was no hero to assist, then what use could a damsel too often in distress ever be?

_...battles we will now never have…_

_never have…_

_never have…_

Roxanne straightened at the sudden echo. Was there someone there? Bernard had already left, heading in the opposite direction, so it couldn’t be him….

She went to investigate. If nothing else, the other person would likely want to know that the museum would be closing soon.

It was, now that she thought about it, actually rather hard to see other parts of walkway: the circular shape meant that there was always something just out of sight, around the the curve, and the statue got in the way of seeing anything across the way. Still, she knew she heard a voice, an echo...

( _...It sounded… familiar..._ )

“Hello?” she called out, her voice echoing in the high, open space. “Hello?”

There-- movement. Just a quarter of the way around the circle from where she was, almost but not quite blocked from view by the statue-- she thought she saw someone darting away. She quickened her pace. What-- who-- had she just seen? Why would they run away from her?

Could it be…?

She saw a flash of white light, just around the bend, just far enough away that the source was out of sight, and there was a sound-- a vibrating, not-quite-musical tone like a new invention powering off-- Roxanne hesitated for just a moment before pressing forward. She had to know.

“Hello? Is someone there?” She rounded the curve and saw the book-cart, abandoned. She quickened her pace. “Hello? ...Who’s there?”

Bernard stood up from behind the book-cart: alone and apparently uninjured.

“Oh!” Roxanne cried, sighing with relief. “It’s just you, Bernard!”

“Oh yes, it’s just me. _Bernard_ ,” he replied, emphasizing his name as if he thought she might forget again.

“Well, thank you for letting me stay,” she said, smiling as he turned away towards the elevator. Here she was, jumping at shadows and imagining danger around every corner, when--

“Look, I wouldn’t stay here for more than two minutes, thirty-seven seconds if I were you,” he said nervously, banging on the elevator-button over and over again as if it might make it come up faster. “We’re having the walls and ceiling removed.” The doors opened, and he darted inside.

“Wow, that sounds like… quite the renovation,” Roxanne said, glancing instinctively upwards. She didn’t see any lurking brainbots, but. “Guess I’ll catch a ride down with you, then.”

She made it into the elevator just before the doors closed, and they started to descend. Bernard gave a nervous almost-laugh, looking at her and then away. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on.

“I kept thinking he was going to do one of his last minute escapes,” she said, voice steady, eyes on the Metro Man statue. _Is this a last minute escape?_

“Yeah,” Bernard sighed, shoulders slumping. “He was really good at those.”

“If only the world had a reset button.” _Is there a reset button; did you see an off-switch?_

“I’ve looked into the reset button. The science is impossible,” he half-sobbed.

The elevator opened and he hurried out, head bowed, with Roxanne following close behind.

“Oh, Bernard, I didn’t realize you had feelings,” she said, and instantly kicked herself. ( _Nice one Roxanne; this is why you don’t have friends..._ ) “Are you okay?”

She hesitated a moment, then reached out to pat his shoulder. Amazingly, he didn’t shrug her off.

“Metro Man’s gone,” he said despondently, “and now there’s no one left to challenge Megamind.”

“Oh, come on Bernard…” They were walking rapidly toward the escalator ( _We’re having the walls and ceiling removed_ ), and he sounded like how she felt, and what was she supposed to say? “Things could be-- I mean-- I know things are pretty bad right now, but there’s still hope for the future!”

“I never planned for this kind of future. I mean, I planned, but… obviously I didn’t think it through! What are we supposed to do, now that Evil has won?” They stepped onto the escalator, side by side. “The story isn’t supposed to end this way.”

“It’s not over yet,” Roxanne said, patting his shoulder reassuringly. “This isn’t where the story ends. As long as there’s evil, good will rise up against it.”

“I wish,” Bernard sighed. Roxanne put her hand on his elbow so he’d turn and look her in the eye.

“I believe someone’s going to stand up to Megamind,” she said with as much sincerity as she could muster.

“You really think so?” he asked, sounding almost afraid to hope.

“Yeah!” she said, faking utter confidence as they disembarked onto the first floor. “It’s like they say-- heroes aren’t born. They’re made!”

Bernard stopped suddenly, frozen in place.

“Heroes can be made,” he whispered. He turned to Roxanne, a new light in his eyes. “That’s it! All you need are the right ingredients.”

“Yeah!” Bravery…” she began, listing on her fingers. _You’d have to be brave, to go against Megamind._

“Yes,” he agreed, and _oh_ , his enthusiasm was _infectious_.

“Strength,” she counted, leaning forward. _If nothing else, the city has strength in numbers._

“Of course!” he replied, leaning toward her as well. She realized that she was smiling; she wasn’t sure when that happened.

“Determination...”

“Imperative!” he shouted, looking around at the monument to heroic achievement in which they stood. He turned back to her with a wide smile, eyes bright. “With that… anyone could be a hero!”

“Yeah!” she cried, and then, _Oh!_

He picked her up and spun her around like she weighed next to nothing, laughing with sheer joy.

( _His smile, and his hands on her waist, and spinning with her feet off the ground, and oh, she’d never realized that his eyes were so green…!_ )

His watch beeped twice as he set her down, and, still smiling, he said “I think we should run.”

Abruptly, Roxanne remembered what he’d said early, up at the platform, about how _I wouldn’t stay more than two minutes, thirty-seven seconds if I were you_ , and then she grabbed his hand and they were racing out the door, running down the steps toward the taxi that was just pulling up to the curb…

And he then was helping her inside, closing the door behind her and waving goodbye with a smile as the cab peeled away….

 

**_BOOOOM!!!!!!!!_ **

Roxanne twisted around in her seat just in time to see the museum go up in an enormous fireball. She felt the taxi speed even further as a cloud of debris rose up in the space where she had been standing, where she had been conversing less than a minute ago, and then they turned a corner and it was out of sight.

_Once again, Roxanne Ritchi escapes certain doom at the last possible second,_ she thought. This time, instead of waiting for a rescue, she’d escaped under her own power, to the getaway car she’d arranged for herself.

It felt pretty good.

She thought about what she'd said to Bernard, about hope, about how heroes weren't born, but made.

It was about time she topped waiting around for someone to come and save her.

Someone had to do something. Someone had to stand up. Someone had to stop Megamind.

She had decided.

That someone was her.


	9. Evil Lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanne finds Megamind's secret hideout.
> 
> She also finds a friend.

She was decided.

It was time to stop waiting and wishing for a hero to show up and save them all from Megamind’s reign of terror. It was time to step up, and start working to become the hero she wanted to see in the world.

In order to stop him, though, she had to find him first, and Megamind prided himself on being remarkably hard to find. Roxanne sat at her desk with her laptop, two City maps, a notebook, and a sketchbook in front of her, trying to solve a mystery that had eluded the Metro City Police Department for close to ten years:

_Where was Megamind’s secret hideout?_

There were a lot of rumors, of course. Some, taking the various staging-grounds for his Evil Plots to be actual hideouts, believed that Megamind was constantly on the move, but Roxanne knew better. The construction of his larger objects of mayhem, including but not limited to giant robots, would be impossible without a stable base of operations. Most of the staging-grounds for his schemes were ill-equipped to house the brainbot-hoard and the Spider-Bot together, let alone sleeping-quarters and kitchen-space. One cannot live on spite alone, no matter how much Megamind might’ve tried on occasion. The ‘Moonbase’ theory was also nonsense; if he had teleportation technology, surely he would actually make use of it in his schemes.

No. Megamind lived in Metro City, and he had a stable base of operations in which to scheme, build weapons, create inventions, and do whatever else it was a Supervillain did in his free time. All she had to do was find it.

She liked to think that, given her unique relationship with the supervillain, she had rather better odds than most. It probably wasn’t even actually hidden under the lake, so finding it should be a completely possible thing for her to do!

Roxanne was reasonably certain that she’d actually been inside the Evil Lair a few times. There had been kidnappings where she’d been held in a space that featured an unusual amount of cool-looking but apparently superfluous equipment, then hit with the knock-out spray and moved to another location when Metro Man finished with the doomsday-device of the the week and started looking for her. Most warehouses don’t come equipped with trapdoors and alligator-pits, or even acceptable equivalents thereof, and renovating is such a hassle, especially if you won’t be using it more than once.

Metro Man Day had been such a kidnapping.

She paused the video, tapping her pen in frustration. The recordings of Megamind and Metro Man’s final battle were surprisingly unhelpful; they showed very little that she hadn’t been able to observe in greater detail first-hand. For example, the videos didn’t show that there was a direct line of sight between the Evil Lair and the abandoned observatory (or… what was left of the cliff where the observatory had once stood, now). The place had actually been within the outer edges of the blast radius.

Based on that, Megamind’s hideout had to be in the old industrial district on the east side of town, close to the lake-- but she wasn’t sure how close it was, exactly.

She made a note, then turned to look at the map she had pinned her wall, examining the coastline.

It wouldn’t make sense for him to be _too_ close to the docks; the traffic would make it hard to remain inconspicuous, even assuming that most of the _locals_ were willing to look the other way….

She highlighted the main harbor, then made a mark a bit further up. The place was most likely between there and the old Observatory-- definitely closer to the observatory than not, but it wouldn’t hurt to give herself a bit of wiggle-room in her estimations.

If she only focused on multi-storied buildings large enough to potentially build and store multiple vehicles, giant robots, and an alligator-pit…. that would probably narrow it down more than a little.

So. Now that she had some viable parameters on which to base her search, all she had to do was go out there and find it!

* * *

 

Unsurprisingly, _finding it_ turned out to be much easier said than done. The old industrial district was full of large buildings with high fences, mean guard dogs, and **No Trespassing**  signs, and potential encounters with various unsavory characters. Megamind’s hideout would be hard to spot even if it was, in fact, still in this area and hadn’t been relocated wholesale to City Hall.

In addition to that, Hal had decided to tell her repeatedly, at length, that the entire exercise was both dangerous and pointless ,and that invading the home of the local Evil Overlord was probably illegal anyway.

“There’s no way this is the place, Roxie,” Hal said, rolling his eyes as she pulled up next to a wreck of a car propped up on cinder blocks to look at the latest candidate. “We’ve already investigated like, ten different buildings out here already; we should just give up before someone gets hurt.”

Roxanne stared up at the huge brick building before them, a frisson of excitement going through her. It looked much like all the other old factory-buildings in this area, save for one crucial feature: a huge plywood dome on the roof, supported by scaffolding.

“None of those other places had a fake observatory on the roof, Hal,” Roxanne said, not turning to look at him. “This is Megamind’s hideout. I know it!” Hal sighed.

“Look, even if this does turn out to be to the place, which I’m not saying it is, are you sure you want to go in there right now? It’s almost dark!” Roxanne glanced at the sky, at the sun sinking down towards the horizon.

“Oh, come one; we’ve got at least an hour of daylight left,” she said. “Besides, I found the maps again and we’re right next to the lake; it’s not like we’re going to get lost again on the way back. Let’s go around the building and see if we can find a door!”

They did not find a door. Roxanne circled the entire building twice-- there wasn’t even a bricked-up doorway to show where an entrance might once have been.

There were, however, lights on somewhere inside the building; she could see the flash and glow inside some of the high, narrow windows. _Whoever_ had the lights on in there was off the grid, too; the power-lines that were supposed to connect to this building had been cut, the frayed ends dangling from the poles.

This had to be Megamind’s hideout. It had to be.

She parked the van in front of a heavily graffitied wall in what she judged to be the front of the building.

“Let’s get out and look for clues,”Roxanne said, taking her camera from the glovebox and double-checking the small multi-tool in her pocket ( _because you never know when an investigative emergency will appea_ _r_ ). “There has to be an entrance _somewhere_.”

“Whatever you say, Roxy,” Hal said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s just get this thing over with. If we’re lucky, I won’t have to rescue you from a pack of bloodthirsty guard-dogs again.” He hopped out of the van and slammed the door shut before she had the chance to point out that there had only been the one dog, and _she’d_ been the one to rescue _him_.

Roxanne exited the van and took a moment to look around, trying to soak in every detail she could, trying to spot any little detail that could be a clue, an advantage…

A thrill ran down her spine. This was exciting, this moment, standing outside the Evil Lair, gathering intelligence, bringing the city one step closer to freedom. She wanted to share this moment with someone.

She heard a shuffling behind her, and the sound of the back doors of the van being opened.

Well.

She wanted to share this moment with someone other than Hal.

Her hand went to her pocket; she had her cellphone; she had his number…. Bernard had been the one to inspire this plan in the first place; he’d seemed… so hopeful, so enthusiastic about the idea of a hero, and… She could call him, right? It wouldn’t be weird? They didn’t really know each other very well, but there was that night at the museum, where they’d bonded over talks of heroism, and escaped just barely ahead of the explosion….

( _Green eyes and wild hair, and they way he’d lifted her up, laughing..._ )

Roxanne pulled out her phone and started scrolling through her contact list. She would call him. It made sense to call him! Calling someone to let them know where you were before trying to break into a Supervillain’s lair was the smart thing to do!

She dialed the number before she could talk herself out of it.

* * *

 

“There’s a doormat here that says ‘Secret Entrance!’”

Roxanne stepped forward without hesitation, towards what looked like a solid brick wall-- through the wall-- and then she was inside Megamind’s Evil Lair.

Immediately in front of her, a row of shelves crowded with spare parts and devices in various states of repair formed a narrow corridor between itself and the wall.  On the other side of the shelves, the room looked distinctly… garage-ish: there was a puddle of oil in the middle of the concrete floor, and metal drums of who-knows-what were stacked up against the far wall. What interested Roxanne most was the door. Hopefully, it would lead to the rest of the Lair.

_Hopefully, Megamind wasn’t in the habit of setting dangerous traps in his own home._

Possibly, Bernard was having similar concerns; there was definitely some slightly-muffled, panicked yelling happening on the other end of the phone. She caught a few lines about _“discover ~~secrets,”_ and _“~witted creation of science!”_ , which…

“What?” she asked.

 _“Not you, Roxanne; I was just yelling at my… mother’s urn,”_ he claimed. _“Don’t do anything; I’ll be right there!”_

It would probably be safer to have backup, to have someone other than Hal know where she was in case something happened....

“Okay… Megamind’s hideout is on 875th Street, right by the lake, near the foot of the cliff where the abandoned Observatory used to be. Most of it looks like an abandoned factory-building, but like I said, you should be able to recognize it by the fake Observatory on the roof.”

_“Right, right. I’m on my way, so just stay where you are.”_

“There’s no time for that,” she said, checking around for signs of movement before making her way to the door. “I’m going in.”

_“No! It could be dangerous; you should just-- wait a--”_

“Call me when you get close. If I don’t answer, look for my camera-man; he should be just outside.” She ended the call before he could argue, then set the phone to vibrate. It wouldn’t do to have her ringtone give her position away. Cautiously, camera at the ready, she opened the door.

Now, this looked like an area that saw some use. The Spider-Bot, thankfully deactivated, crouched next to a set of mounting-stairs. Rows of notably more organized-looking shelves and giant-robot parts stood off to the side, and across the room, she saw a command-station next to an enormous red curtain that hung from floor to ceiling. High above, an assortment of large mechanical devices were suspended from the ceiling.

The place was silent. Maybe she got lucky and Megamind was at City Hall for the day.

She stepped forward cautiously, eyes peeled.

“Roxanne?” She whirled around, camera raised over her head as a weapon; _if she could just get one good hit in, then maybe_ \-- “Woah!” She stopped short at the sight of Bernard standing there, hands raised in surrender. For a moment she’d thought Megamind had come up behind her.

“Oh! I’m glad you’re here. Wait--” she lowered her voice to a whisper. “How’d you get get here so fast?”

“Well, uh…” He fell into step beside her as she began moving deeper into the Lair. “I happened to be speed-walking nearby when you called.”

“In a suit?” she asked. He was wearing the same outfit he’d had at the Museum; when she chose her outfit for the venture, she’d prioritized pockets, freedom of movement, and running shoes over style....

“Yeah. It’s called… formal speed-walking. But that’s not important!” he insisted, stepping forward and puffing out his chest. “I’d better take the lead. This way looks exciting!” Roxanne glanced at the door he was gesturing at, noting the glowing green sign above it.

“No, that says 'Exit'.”

“...Which is the abbreviation for ‘Exciting,’ right?” Bernard said hopefully as she darted across the room toward the one thing that looks _really_ intriguing.

 _Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain,_ she thought giddily as she pulled back the red velvet to reveal what had been hidden behind it.

“Yes, yes, yes, it’s the mother-load!” she whisper-screamed, staring in awe at the sight before her. It was like getting a glimpse into Megamind’s mind! Chalkboards covered with equations were arranged among the bulletin-boards covered in notes, diagrams, and equations...!

“Wow,” she breathed.

“Wow,” Bernard agreed.

“Just look at this thing!” she exclaimed.

Cards and pages marked with pictures and symbols floated in the air among the chalkboards, hung from the ceiling on red string. Here and there, something would break the pattern: here, a dress-dummy draped with red fabric, there a framed painting of one of his battles with the words ‘ _Good vs Evil’_ scrawled across it in blue, and over there an oddly-modified a ‘Karate Kid’ poster...

“You know, I could really use your help in deciphering all this.”

“Really?” Bernard asked, looking around nervously as Roxanne began snapping pictures.

“You’re an expert on all things ‘Megamind,’ right?”

“Yes, _right._ ”

There was a circular track set into the floor; what-- ah, a rolling staircase; that was how he reached the higher planning-boards. Megamind had quite the elaborate set-up for devising his nefarious plans. 

“Together, we could figure out his plan for the city, and stop it!” _We could bounce ideas off each other like we did as we escaped the Museum; we could work together to be the heroes we need to see in the world…_  “Are you in?”

“Oh, what fun!” Roxanne smiled even wider; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d smiled this hard and meant it.

“That’s what I wanna hear!”

She turned back to the cloud of notes and started taking pictures again, hoping she wasn’t blushing. _It’s just a business-- heroics?-- thing, Roxanne, don’t make it weird_ … The charts really were fascinating, and she thought there might be some significance, some sort of pattern in how the notes that hung from the ceiling were arranged...

Just then, a panel in what she had assumed to be a ventilation shaft opened, and brainbots came pouring out, alarms blaring: _intruder-intruder-intruder-intruder!_

Roxanne dodged to the side, but Bernard remained frozen in place as the brainbots swooped towards them. They grabbed him by the arms and lifted him into the air. He shouted and kicked, knocking over a metal cabinet as they carried him away over the maze of shelves and old machinery.

“Bernard!” Her eyes went to the overturned cabinet. A weapon had fallen out of it: a gun, rifle-shaped, with a glowing yellow power-cell in the barrel and a row of spikes along the top (with Megamind, there were always spikes). She grabbed it, hefting it in her arms. No way to know if the safety was on, or if this thing even had a safety, so best not to keep her finger right on the trigger.

Now armed, Roxanne headed in the direction she had seen the brainbots take Bernard. This part of the Lair was shadowy, a stark contrast to the brightly lit planning area.She walked down a narrow corridor between machines and shelves of devices and parts: some of it, she recognized from previous Evil Plots; a lot of it was things she had never seen.

_This is real, the knives and lasers and death-rays are real. The danger is real._

_The gun I’m carrying is also real._

Her footsteps seemed loud to her own ears as she walked, watching for any sign of movement, listening hard for voices, for the sound of brainbots swarming.

A sound-- a ‘ _tick_ ’?-- she jumped, looked around her, gun aimed at… her own shadow. It could almost be funny, cliche, if she were watching at home and didn’t have any real reason to be afraid.

Roxanne shook herself, re-adjusting her hold on the gun. _Just keep it together._

She rounded a corner, and--

There he was, sprawled out on the floor, his cape askew as if he’d just crawled out from beneath the shelving.

“Megamind.” He stood hastily as she stepped forward, her face hardening. “What have you done with Bernard?”

“Oh, Bernard?” he said, feigning casualness as he brushed himself off. “Oh yes, I’m doing horrible things to that man! I don’t want to go into it, but lasers… spikes…”

He leaned aside and opened a door whose frame was at a 40-degree angle to the floor. White light came streaming out of it, and as Megamind looked down through the doorway, she could hear Bernard’s voice, highly distressed and made echoey by the space: _“Oh please no, not the lasers and the spikes!”_

Megamind turned back to her with a smirk.

“You know the drill.” He turned his face down behind the doorway.

_“Oh no, not the drill!Oh~~!”_

It sounded like Bernard’s voice-- but the fact that Megamind hid his face behind the door, and the fact that Bernard was apparently willing to scream exactly on cue, had not escaped her notice. Megamind was good at illusions. But if he was there, if this was another one of Megamind’s multi-layered bluffs…

“Let him go,” she said, willing herself to sound confident, to sound unafraid. “Or--”

“Or what?” he asked smugly.

“Or I’ll find out what this weird looking gun does!” Roxanne declared, taking no small amount of satisfaction in the way his eyes widened and his wicked smile fell away.

“No, don’t shoot!” he cried, raising his hands in surrender and causing the door to slam shut. “Don’t shoot that gun! ...I’ll just go get him.” With that, Megamind dived through the doors and out of sight.

 _“Unhand me, you fiend!”_ Bernard (was it really Bernard?) shouted.

“Never!” Megamind snarled. Then Bernard poked his head through the doors.

“His strength is too much!” he cried as Megamind pulled him back down.

“I work out!” Megamind bragged, popping up for a moment before moving back down again. Okay, she’d thought those doors led to a dungeon or something, but…

“It’s really paying off,” Bernard said, making an unsuccessful attempt for the doors. “You’re so fit… and strangely charismatic!” It looked like the space wasn’t much bigger than a closet, which bid the question of why Megamind would put a prisoner in an exceptionally well-lit closet when he had plenty of perfectly good cages.

Roxanne drew closer to the doors, which now shuddered with muffled thumps as the combatants wound down. It sounded like the fight was almost over, but maybe… she had the gun; she could--

Just then, Bernard was thrown bodily out the doors and against the far wall.

“I did my best… but he’s too fantastic!” he said dramatically, slumped against the wall. Roxanne almost smiled a that, as he stood and brushed himself off. “Here, let me carry that big heavy gun for you.”

“I got us covered, she assured him, leading the way back in the direction she’d come. They’d barely gone five paces when Megamind jumped out in front of her from behind a machine.

“Let _go_ it’s _mine!_ ” he snarled, grappling for the gun.

“Bernard, run!” she shouted over her shoulder, tightening her grip on the weapon as Megamind tried to pull it away.

Megamind stumbled for a moment, pulling the gun down with him; Roxanne steadied her stance, doing her best to hold on to it; they both recovered their balance-- They’d left the passage now; they were closer to the main area, near the command-center. They struggled back and forth, holding on to the weapon between them.

Suddenly, the gun went off. Roxanne stumbled back at the recoil, losing her grip on the weapon. Megamind clutched it to his chest, frozen in place as the projectile ricocheted around the room.

“Oh no,” he breathed, his face a mask of horror. Unwilling to stick around to see what happened next, Roxanne took advantage of his distraction to make her escape.

Hiding between a shelf and the rusted feet of a giant robot, she saw Minion approach from near the planning-area. Once she’d established that both of them were focused on the security-feed from outside the building and unlikely to give immediate chase, she headed for the exit-door Bernard had pointed out earlier. Checking over her shoulder one more time as she opened the door, she stepped out--

_DISCO ALLIGATOR PIT!?!_

Her arms pinwheeled frantically and 80’s music filled her ears as she tried to regain he balance and _not fall down the straight drop into the alligator-pit lit by a disco-ball and filled with sharp-toothed reptiles and squeaky-toys WhatTheHELL--_

“Roxanne!” Steady hands took hers, pulling her back away from the edge, worried green eyes and round glasses; he’d come back for her.

“Bernard,” she gasped, head still reeling. “You were right about that door being exciting.”

Before she could collect herself, before he could do more than nod, a brainbot appeared from around the corner, swiftly followed by half a dozen more, all blaring alarm: “ _intruder-intruder-intruder-intruder-intruder_ -”

“This way,” Bernard directed, grabbing her arm and running in the opposite direction..

They sprinted down the passage along the wall, hearts pounding.

Roxanne spots a card-table full of explosives; she grabs a pack of dynamite as they pass.

A lone brainbot appeared in front of them, slightly sparking; there’s was no time to stop or change directions; the other brainbots were gaining. She ran forward and grabbed the ‘bot by its legs, using its sparks to light the fuse.

“What are you doing?” Bernard shouted.

“This’ll stop ‘em!” she called, a grinning maniacally. “Here!” She tossed the dynamite to Bernard as they ran; he juggled it in his hands, trying not to drop it.

“Seems a bit extreme, doesn’t it?” he suggested, trying unsuccessfully to blow out the fuse.

“Just throw it!”

With a whispered prayer, he threw it backwards-- just in time.

The pursuing brainbots were caught up in the explosion almost immediately; she could feel the heat of the flames as she ran, trying to outrun the blast, trying to outrun the fire that was licking at their heels--!

They ran through a pair of double doors that had been left ajar, the wall of fire was chasing them, catching ups to them, sure to overtake them faster than the brainbots ever could, and her heart was pounding and her feet were pounding and she was running, side by side with Bernard--

She saw daylight as the force of the explosion blew them off their feet, as it knocked them to the ground.

As the dust settled, she realized that she had made it out alive.

 _They_ had made it out alive; it wasn’t just her anymore.

As they coughed, as they knelt down on the ground outside the Evil Lair having escaped with their lives and some valuable intelligence, after Bernard actually fought Megamind, showing more grit and courage than the entire MC police force combined… she felt like maybe, maybe this could work.

As she looked into his eyes, she thought that maybe they might stand a chance.

* * *

 

The following day, Hal didn’t show up for work.

When he finally got around to calling, late that afternoon, it was to tell Davison that he’d gotten a better offer, and that he quit. Despite the massive inconvenience of loosing her camera-man with no warning and no time to arrange for a replacement, Roxanne was not at all sorry to have finally seen the last of Hal Stewart. He was a creeper and a coward, and she'd be happy if she never had speak to him or dodge another awkward come-on from him again.

Things were finally looking up.


	10. Schemes & Conspiracies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanne and Bernard plot to overthrow the evil government.

A week later, she and Bernard met at the downtown library to compare notes on the Evil Lair and discuss plans for overthrowing the Evil Overlord: a conspiracy of two.  Roxanne suggested they gather as many books on Megamind as possible. Bernard agreed, adding a few books on psychology, espionage, and warfare to the stack as well.

“I never knew Megamind had so many unauthorized biographies,” Roxanne said, looking through the pile on the desk between them. “How much of it do you think is actually worthwhile?”

“Hmm. When faced with a large quantity of data, it’s usually best to prioritize the bits that are most immediately useful,” Bernard said, picking a book at random and flipping through it. “This one, for example, focuses on a supposed love-triangle involving you, Metro Man and Megamind, and I assume you’d know more about the relationship than these writers would.” 

Roxanne rolled her eyes, making a noise of disgust.

“Ha. Yeah, no; we can count that one out for baseless, shameless gossip-mongering. Let’s see….” She pulled another book from the stack. “This could be good. It says it’s a complete summary of all Megamind’s major plots and attacks.” Bernard glanced at it and raised an eyebrow.

“Looks a bit thin to be ‘complete’. When was it published?” 

“...About five years after the start of his career,” she said, face falling. “Guess it’s another one for the ‘useless’ pile.” He shrugged, taking the book.

“Let’s not be too hasty. It could turn out to have some valuable insights about Megamind’s methodology and motives from earlier in his career.” He set the book down on the desk, then returned to looking at the main stack. “What about that one that has ‘War’ in the title?” Roxanne shuffled things around to find the book he was referring to.

“‘Megamind’s War’? This one looks pretty good, actually. It looks at Megamind’s weaponry and tactics in terms of military strategy, logistical advantages and disadvantages… It could be interesting, actually; a lot of people tend to just treat Megamind’s stuff and nigh-unstoppable Dark Wizard-Magic.”   


“An impression that’s taken years to cultivate among the masses, I’m sure,” he smirked. “Because everyone in the city is just _sooo_ hard to impress…”

“Hey, don’t knock it,” Roxanne said, smiling in spite of herself. “Say what you will about his career, but Megamind has an excellent grasp of showmanship. It’s like they say, it’s not enough for one to have a sword; one must also convince the audience that it is sharp and that the blood is real!”

“I… don’t think I’ve ever heard that expression before,” Bernard said, brow furrowed. “Is it one of those things hippie surfers say?”

“You know a lot of sword-fighting hippies?” she asked, then shook her head, smiling. “My drama teacher back in high-school used to say that. She used to work as a magician’s assistant; she always talked about how a good actor can make any prop be anything, but a good prop can make the show even better.”

“She sounds like a very good mentor,” Bernard said, nodding. “So, you’re impressed by Megamind’s showmanship? I never would have guessed, from how you usually reported during the kidnappings.”

“Well, he’s not the only one who has to think about his image. I have to maintain an on-camera persona that people can trust and respect. That means no gushing over the cool robots and fancy special effects.” She made herself busy looking through the books, suddenly reluctant to meet his eyes.  _ He was smirking at her; she just knew it! _

“Hey, how about this one? It’s all about how Megamind is an agent of the Illuminati out to distract from their manipulations of the government!”

“The government is a mess regardless of whether or not they let secret clubs get involved,” Bernard said, rolling his eyes. “Besides, I can’t see Megamind answering to a committee; can you? Honestly, if people want to just make stuff up, they could at least have the decency to be honest about it and label it as fiction!”

“Oh, and you could do better?” she asked. “Be honest with me; were you really ‘formal speed-walking’ in the old industrial district when I called, or were you out searching for Megamind’s Evil Lair as well? ”

“Well, I miiiight have been trying to do a bit of research of my own when you told me you’d found his hideout…” he said, blushing slightly. “I definitely wouldn’t have made it there without your brilliant deduction skills though, Roxanne.” She frowned and looked away.

“That’s nice of you to say, Bernard, but I didn’t do anything special. Anyone could have figured it out if they just sat down and thought about it for a little while.”

“Hey, hey, don’t talk like that! You succeeded where the entire police force, several private investigators, a not-insignificant portion of the criminal underworld, and every other person in the media failed! You’ve done the impossible, faced certain doom with nothing but determination and a really big gun, and laughed as you escaped pursuers by throwing dynamite at them!” he exclaimed, waving his hands in the air. “Don’t ever let anyone, including yourself, ever say that you’re anything less than incredible.” 

Roxanne smiled weakly.

“That’s flattering, but in the end, what have we really achieved? I--”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” he pointed out, holding up a finger. “I don’t understand why anyone would ever describe themselves or their achievements with anything less than the most flattering possible version of reality. If there are flaws, enemies and jealous fools would probably be more than happy to point them out, so why do the work for them?”

“Is that your philosophy for life, then?” Roxanne asked, smiling despite herself. He nodded seriously.

“It’s the only way to survive on this planet. So. You asked what we’d achieved? Net benefits: we know where Megamind lives, you got several valuable pictures of his master plan, and we both got bragging rights for invading the Evil Lair and getting out in the same shape we went in. With our brilliant intelligence working together, and the data we collected, victory is within our grasp!” 

Roxanne raised a hand to stop him from continuing. There is a point when optimism starts to border on the delusional.

“Megamind has alligators, cages, deathtraps, an army of brainbots, who knows how many kinds of ray-guns, and the entire city at his feet, not to mention that giant solar-powered satellite death ray!” She listed, counting the items off on her fingers. What have we got? What kind of a chance to a couple of ordinary, non-super humans have against all that?”

“Well-- first of all, I’d hesitate to call the people who broke into Megamind’s hideout for a recon mission and made it out the same shape they went in ‘ordinary’.” Bernard said. He made as if to pat her hand, then pulled back.  “We can’t give up hope. If we look at the odds and give up trying because it looks like it can’t be done, we lose automatically. Besides, there’s lots of precedent for people overcoming seemingly impossible odds. Look at Columbus-- everyone said he would run out of supplies on the ocean long before he reached India, but he proved them wrong by accidentally discovering the Caribbean Islands instead. Look at David-- everyone said he’d die facing Goliath, but he killed the giant using a ranged weapon he was familiar with, rather than the sort of melee weapons expected for that kind of duel. And what about-- well, what about Megamind?” 

She stared at him incredulously.

“What about him?” she challenged. Bernard gave a mischievous smile, gesturing at the reading material before them.

“Megamind succeeded against impossible odds as well. Metro Man had super-strength, flight, invulnerability, laser-eyes, super-street, wealth, and the respect and adoration of the world. Megamind started with nothing but his wits and whatever he could build, steal, or buy. He faced impossible odds without fear, and eventually fate favored him in battle.” Roxanne frowned, feeling--  _ angry, yes; angry _ \-- but also a bit thrown.

“Might I point out that it took him years and years of constant effort and failure before he finally won?” she said, waving a finger at him. “The city is already falling apart; we can’t afford to wait that long!” Bernard nodded.

“You have a point there,” he conceded. “When facing a very large task I’ve always found it best to break it down into smaller goals and go from there. So. The first step is gathering information on Megamind, which we are currently doing. Next, we can talk it out, cross-reference it with whatever our magnificently evil Overlord has done most recently, and try to figure out his genius plan before it’s unveiled to the world. Once we know what he’s trying to do, we can work together to stop him from doing it. Should be easy, right?” Roxanne shook her head.

“You know it’ll never go that smoothly in real life,” she said, smiling in spite of herself. Bernard quirked his mouth, a thought occurring.

“Hey, if that plan doesn’t work, you could always seduce him into turning over the city to you,” he suggested, eyes dancing. “Then you could free the citizens or rule as Evil Queen, depending on preference.”

“You’re terrible!” she cried, with mock offense. “Even if there was a chance of me trying that-- which there isn’t-- history has shown us that that plan never works!”

“I was sure I’d heard of a precedent showing otherwise--”

“Was it in a fairy-tale book?” Roxanne asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Maybe?” He ducked his head suddenly, blushing. “I’m sorry; that was… out of line. My point is, we have a chance. If one plan fails we can try something else, and... I’d really like to see this through with you.”

“Okay, okay, I’m not mad. Anyway, back on topic. This one looks like it could be useful,” she said, passing him a book from the top of her stack. “It looks at Megaminds goals and underlying motivations, and one of the coauthors is a notable criminal psychologist.”

“‘Megamind Unmasked’? Sounds like it could actually be useful,” he said, examining the cover. “Say, did you ever hear about the time when Megamind tried to get into a millionaire's estate auction disguised as a fortune-teller?” Roxanne shook her head and gestured for him to continue. 

“Okay. Well, keep in mind, this was early in his career, before he was an internationally recognized face. Now, it all started when the millionaire disinherited his deadbeat son shortly before his death, leading to…”

* * *

 

As a supervillain, Megamind had been in the habit of hacking into the TV broadcasts to show off his latest Evil Plot.  He claimed that Metro Man’s defeat needed to be recorded for historical posterity, and that the ignorant masses deserved the chance to experience his brilliant plans even when they couldn’t be there in person. 

Most people thought it was showing off. Roxanne had always thought it was because he knew that even heroes tend to be more… careful, let’s say, when they know they’re on camera. 

Megamind liked to have witnesses.

Things were different now. Instead of hacking into the airways, the self-styled Overlord sent a message to all the local news outlets specifying the time at which he would be broadcasting an important announcement to the City. Instead of being interrupted mid-show, they had time to arrange the broadcasting schedule to fit.

“You’re watching KMCP8; this is James J. Ames reporting live from the studio! In just a few moments Megamind has promised to make a special announcement to the people of Metro City.” 

Off-camera, Roxanne stood packed close with her coworkers, one eye on James and one eye on the broadcasting screen. The group was tense. 

“This will be his first official announcement since the City takeover one month ago. The question on everyone’s lips is: what does Megamind have in store?” 

( _Roxanne should be there already; she should be tricking him into monologuing about the evil plan; she should be matching wits with both hands tied behind her back..._ ) 

(She is an ordinary person among ordinary people, and Megamind didn’t care about her. Even after she’d invaded his hideout and threatened him with his own weapon, he didn’t view her as enough of a threat, enough of a  _ challenge _ to bother caring about.)

Right on schedule, the screens turned black.

_ “Greetings, Citizens of Metrocity!” The camera showed Megamind’s silhouette, backlit in front of a podium. “It has come to my attention that certain people within my domain have continue to believe themselves to be above the law. These people commit assault, acts of cruelty, brutality, and even murder, without fear of repercussion.” _

That was rich, coming from him. Was he making a stand against the looters? 

_ “No more.”  _ _ Plumes of fire and smoke flared high on either side of the podium; a spotlight appeared and you could see his face now, uncharacteristically serious.  _

_ “ _ _ There are Rules that must be followed, roles that must be fulfilled, and reforms that I, as Overlord, demand.” _

_ The camera switched to a view of the Police Station, plastered with Megamind’s “ _ No You Can’t _ ” propaganda posters. A line of police officers, some of them sporting bruises and torn uniforms, was being herded onto a prison bus by an absolutely enormous swarm of brainbots. Minion supervised the proceedings with a watchful eye and a laser-rifle at his shoulder. _

_ “These men,” Megamind’s voice explained, “Are  _ former _ police officers found to have been involved in wrongful arrests, assault, battery, and fatal shootings, aka murder. At my command, they have been stripped of their ranks and will be temporarily held at the Metro City Prison for the Criminally Gifted while awaiting trial. Those remaining with the police force are advised to look into retraining, as it’s clear that the MCPD does not know when it is or is not a good time to actually use their weapons.” _

Roxanne could hear his smirk; she could tell he was alluding to the battle-that-wasn’t when he took City Hall. Her hands clenched into fists.

_ The camera returned to Megamind, who was wearing a decidedly evil grin, his cape billowing out dramatically behind him. _

_ “Do not mistake my actions against these corrupt former members of the Police Department as an endorsement of lawlessness. The victory-party’s over, and I have plans which require that the city remains functional. Ciao Ciao for now!” _

The screens went black, then turned to static. Davison gave the signal to roll the commercials.

“Okay people, we’ve got three minutes to put together an intelligent reaction that, so I wanna hear ideas!” he roared to the room at large. “What’s our angle?”

“Going after the police-force is clearly the vengeful act of a criminal dictator,” Sandy-from-the-Morning-Talk-Show said, adopting a camera-ready serious air. “Although he made token mention of parity under the law, it’s clear that Megamind seeks to undermine the very foundations of law, order, and goodness in this city!”

“Now let’s not be too hasty,” Ames said anxiously, tapping at his desk. “Cracking down on corruption, taking a stand against police violence, these are  _ good _ things. Maybe we could put a positive spin on it, show a bit of support for the Overlord’s policy?”

“Go too far in that direction and we end up sounding like his propaganda machine!” Sandy exclaimed. “Do you want this station to lose all credibility in the eyes of the public?”

“Look, people are getting tired of the fear-mongering angles! We need to start at least  _ trying _ to find a bright side in all of this!”

“Hey, good thoughts, we’re running short on time, so let’s get this show on on the road!” Davison clapped his hands together and looked around the room. “Ames, your line is  _ stunning turn of events _ and  _ shocking move from the self-proclaimed Evil Overlord of Metro City. _ Summarize what we just saw in the clip, and tell viewers to stay tuned for more. Ritchi, you’re going on-scene to the Police Station; see if you can get an interview with someone important.” 

She nodded sharply and headed for the van as Davison continued barking out instructions behind her. 

_ The victory-party’s over _ , he’d said, and it looked like he was taking his power a  little more seriously now. There were plans in the works, and it was up to her to make sure the City was prepared. 

( _ She’d matched wits with him before, and won with both hands tied behind her back. She’d make him regret underestimating her now. _ )

* * *

 

Bernard was waiting for her at the back table of  _ The Daily Grind _ that evening, just as they’d planned. She slumped into her chair beside him, dropping her purse down on the table between them, and accepted the coffee he offered her. 

“I saw the news,” he said, tapping nervously at his own mug. “Megamind arresting all those cops for murder, police brutality, and abuse of rank. What’s your take on the matter, Roxanne?”

“Well, there’s a lot more records I need to check through, but so far all of the charges seem to hold up. It doesn’t look like he just targeted these guys randomly, at any rate.” 

She took a sip of coffee and make a noise of approval; he’d remembered how she liked it. 

“In terms of what it means for the city… I think this is cause for concern. Things were pretty bad when he was just rampaging through the streets and stealing things, but now he’s actually acting like an Evil Overlord. By visibly exercising authority over Metro law-enforcement, Megamind’s showing that he’s in charge of the city government, and not someone who has to work around it. This could be him stabilizing his hold on the city for the next big phase of his master plan.”

“Yes, that is impressive scheming,” Bernard nodded. “By showing that the police must answer to him, he’s giving a sense of legitimacy to his government. The cops are less likely to plot against him, or try to arrest him in a moment of apparent vulnerability, if they know he’s their boss.”

“Not that there were many people plotting against him before,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’ve been trying to talk to my coworkers about resistance and subversive action, but so far no one seems interested. It’s frustrating.” 

“Well, not everyone has the courage, tenacity, and brilliance needed to match wits with the most powerful super-genius on the planet,” Bernard said, smiling crookedly at her. “Or maybe they’re just nervous about discussing such things with a high-profile person like yourself. Either way, they’re lucky we’re here to fix everything.” 

Roxanne let out a bitter laugh.

“Yeah, two humans with no superpowers whatsoever and next to no weapons are definitely the most qualified people to be taking down a genius Supervillain with an army of robots, a satellite death ray, and more tricks, weapons, and traps than you can count, and who is, _oh yes_ , the absolute ruler of the city in which we live! After all, it’s not like the League of Heroes can be bothered to send someone in to help us!” Her hands were clenched into fists. “It’s not like the army can be bothered to assist when an American city is officially conquered; oh no, they’re out fighting for freedom and cheap oil overseas! Meanwhile, Metro City… has to rely on  _ us _ .”

“What do you expect them to do?” Bernard asked, staring morosely into his cup of coffee. “Metro Man is… was… the most powerful hero in the League; if that orbital death-ray could kill him, the rest of Earth’s superheroes have about as good a chance of surviving it as you and me. Same goes for the army, and I’m sure those blowhards at the Pentagon know that he could destroy them just as easily as he destroyed the abandoned Observatory. Besides, they don’t live here. As long as Megamind sticks to Metro City and doesn’t start making a bid for World Domination or an Evil Empire, they can keep pretending that it’s not their problem and focus on the lesser Villains outside Metro City who’ve been emboldened by Megamind’s glorious rise to power.” 

“It’s just…” Roxanne sighed. “Heroes aren’t supposed to just abandon people who need them. They’re not supposed to give up, just because the odds are stacked against them. A real hero would never run from a fight, even if he knew he had absolutely no chance of winning.”

“Well yes, I agree on that score,” Bernard said, taking a sip of coffee. “But since we are, as you’ve mentioned, rather outmatched, it might be wiser to bide our time for a little while more. Are we any closer to figuring out what Megamind’s up to?”

“Sadly, no,” she replied, running a hand through her hair. “I’m trying to recreate part of Megamind’s planning area in my apartment, to get a more in-depth perspective, you know? But even with the pictures I took, I can only do so much, and I can’t help but feel like we’re missing something important…!” 

“Perhaps this will help,” he said, pulling out a briefcase. “It’s too risky to try and make another trip to the Evil Lair-- no doubt Megamind has set all sorts of cunning traps and deviously dangerous security features since we last visited-- but I thought it might help to have some more up-to-date data on our supreme Overlord’s activities close at hand.”

Inside the briefcase, he had several files full of magazine articles and newspaper clippings. They spread them out across the table

“Let’s see… opinion piece on Megamind’s takeover, story on the City Cleaning, Overlord negotiates end to the union strike, brainbot menace, damaged art…” Roxanne read, skimming the titles. “How’s all this organized?”

“Date, source of information, and size of the paper,” he explained, moving his coffee to make room for the clippings. “Maybe if we combine your information about the Master Plan with this information on his recent activities, we’ll be able to predict Megamind’s next move!” Roxanne smiled.

“You know… this might actually have a chance at working.”

“Was there ever any doubt?” Roxanne noticed that Bernard had a very nice smile, and his eyes were very bright…

“Hey do you want something to eat?” she asked, breaking the moment. ( _Were they having a moment, or…?_ ) “This place has some amazing muffins. My treat.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Bernard protested, hands moving toward his pockets. “I can pay--”

“No, no, I insist,” Roxanne said, waving a hand. “Besides, you bought my coffee, so it’s only fair. What kind do you want?”

“What kind? Um-- chocolate, if they have any, but…” 

Roxanne stood up and grabbed her purse, heading for the counter before he could protest further.

“I’ll be back in just a minute,” she promised over her shoulder. Bernard looked at her a moment, then sat back down and started going through the articles.

There was actually a short line when she got to the counter.  That surprised her: for weeks now, the few businesses in Metro City still willing to stay open after dark had been pretty much dead by the time the streetlights came on.  But tonight, there were people. 

Not many people, mind, but there were a couple of college-students working on laptops, and a slightly rumpled businessman nursing a mug by the counter, and there were three people in front of her in line. Eight people wasn’t what she’d call crowded for a coffee shop this size, but it wasn’t empty, either. It would seem that people were starting to feel safe in their own city again.

Bernard had said that sooner or later people would have to start adjusting to the new normal. He himself had adjusted surprisingly quickly, all things considered, after the destruction of the Metro Man Museum. He’d found some tutoring jobs, and he said he had some savings, but Roxanne knew that money was probably a lot tighter than he liked to let on. That was why she insisted on paying for the snacks at their planning meetings as often as she could get away with it. At least she still _had_ her regular job, after all. 

His had been blown up.

Roxanne found herself at the head of the line; the purple-haired barista was looking at her with a bored stare. She gave her order, paid, and moments later was on her way back to Bernard, muffins in hand: chocolate for him, blueberry for her.

“So! Where were we?” she asked, setting down the pastries.

“Plotting to overthrow the government, I believe,” Bernard smiled, raised his mug in salute. Roxanne smiled in return.

“Oh, of course,” Roxanne agreed, raising an eyebrow. “Plotting to throw off the shackles of oppression and bring back public schools, safe streets, and touring live entertainment groups!” They shared a laugh.

“Now, I’m all for the safe streets and live entertainment; I was devastated when Green Day cancelled the Metro City stop of their tour, but do we really have to bring back the schools?” Bernard asked. “I mean, nobody actually likes school, and the libraries are still open to anyone who wants to study.” 

Roxanne sighed, her moment of humor gone.

“Bernard, don’t forget, a lot of kids rely on the school lunch program for food,” she said seriously. “Also, there’s a ton of people who are having real problems managing their work schedules now that they can’t send the kids to school in the daytime. I know you’ve been doing tutoring jobs lately; do you really think your students would learn all they need if you just set them loose in the library?”

“No… no I suppose not,” he said, sobered. He stared pensively at the table. “I hadn’t thought about it like that, schools as a place for kids to find a hot meal or two… You’re right; bringing the public school systems back into operations should definitely be on the to-do list.”

“Hey.” He kept staring at the table, at the articles spread out across it, so she touched his hand, and he looked back at her. “Hey, I’m sorry for ranting at you like that; it’s not your fault the city’s in this mess.” 

Bernard started a bit at that; he made a sound that was really nowhere near a laugh.

“We’ll fix it though, won’t we?” he said, staring into her eyes. “We’ll work together, and we’ll figure out what all the city needs and we’ll-- figure out the evil plan and--” he broke off into silence, and her heart twinged at the suddenly hunted look in his eyes. 

She squeezed his hand, trying to be reassuring.

“Don’t worry, Bernard. We’ll get through this. With the two of us working together, Megamind doesn’t stand a chance.”

At that moment, holding his hand at the back of a coffee shop with papers for their heroic conspiracy spread out between them… Roxanne actually believed it.


	11. Making Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanne considers her options and makes some plans.

Roxanne tugged the article-- a piece on the reinstatement of the Metro Sanitation Department-- closer for inspection, then allowed it to sway back on it’s string. She clipped a red card to the string next to it to represent yet another missing piece of information. There were lots of red cards.

What had started as an attempt at recreating Megamind’s planning-space had turned into a combination of her pictures from the Evil Lair, a record of his recent activities as told by newspaper articles, magazine clippings, and her own notes, and the classic ‘crazy conspiracy board’ ... But at least it was in the same _format_ as Megamind’s planning space, give or take a few chalkboards, framed paintings, and bulletin-boards, so that had to count for something, right?

She groaned, collapsing onto the couch in a heap. She’d been working for hours, her living room was barely-organized chaos, and she didn’t feel any closer to answering her questions than she had at the start of the day. Megamind was up to something: returning the stolen goods, restoring the city’s public services, all of it seemed calculated to appease the restless masses and lull people into accepting his reign as legitimate.

Thus far, it seemed to be working. People were surprisingly willing to accept an evil supervillain Overlord so long as the buses ran on time-- and the crackdown against police brutality and white supremacy groups didn’t hurt either.

The thing was, Roxanne simply could not believe that, after years of exciting, elaborate schemes, epic battles, and shameless ambition, Megamind would simply settle into the business of city management. The whole thing felt like set up, like the city was in a stage of careful preparation for one of Megamind’s grander schemes.

With the resources of the entire city at his disposal, Megamind could now work on a scale never before seen, and without Metro Man to stop him, there was no telling what he would do. He could be planning on expanding his territory, or radically altering the local climate and geography, or remodelling the buildings so that they floated, for all they knew! Unless she could find out his plans in advance, the City would have no time to prepare, and there would be no hope of stopping him.

They couldn’t count on Megamind announcing his evil plans before unleashing them, any more.

The destruction of the Metro Man Museum proved that.

She slouched down in the couch, looking at all the data she’d collected, looking at the boxes of supplies scattered on the floor and the stacks of papers that she had yet to sort through. _T_ _his would all be so much easier if Megamind would just kidnap her already!_

She’d be able to ask her questions in person, and even if she couldn’t get a straight answer, she’d be able to read between the lines, look at what was already set up, and figure out the answer for herself. She’d be able to try and talk Megamind out of it, whatever it was-- not that he ever listened, unless she was pointing out a problem that would put them all in immediate physical danger.

_He didn’t care what she thought._

Once upon a time, he’d offered to make her his partner in crime. The phrase ‘Evil Queen’ had been tossed around, occasionally. If she’d only reveal Metro Man’s weakness. She didn’t, of course; she couldn’t have told him the weakness if she wanted to because she simply didn’t know, and Megamind had managed to defeat his rival without her help after all.

_It's not important._

Roxanne sighed and glanced at the clock, tilting her head to see past the squares of paper and cardstock that hung between her and it. It was already well past seven, and she hadn’t eaten a bite since lunchtime. No wonder she wasn’t thinking straight. She pulled herself together, went to the kitchen, and began rummaging through the cabinet for a cooking pot.   

_Megamind didn’t care about her, had never cared about her; she was just a means to an end._ She found the right pot, the medium-sized one, and brought it to the sink.

_He hadn’t kidnapped her once, hadn’t even contacted her since his rise to power._

She turned on the water _._

_He hadn’t even done any follow-up when she and Bernard broke into his hideout; clearly, she wasn’t even important enough to be viewed as a threat._

Roxanne balled her hand into a fist and told herself that she was only mad at him for underestimating her.

He’d offered to help her become a Super Villain, once upon a time. _Evil Queen_ , he’d said.

_It's not important_.

Obviously Megamind hadn’t given it, or her, a thought since he conquered the city.

Obviously, it would be utterly ridiculous to feel… _hurt_ … over that.

If anything, she should be grateful that he hadn’t pressed the matter! It wasn’t like she even _wanted_ to be a Super Villain, anyway!

The pot was overflowing, she realized, looking at the water as it spilled over the rim and into the sink. She turned off the faucet, tipped out the excess water, and set the pot on the stove.

_He was a murderer, and there had never been anything between them but blood and careless words._

She turned the burner up to ‘high’, then turned away.

_She wasn’t lying to herself. She wasn’t._

Roxanne opened the pantry, found the box of macaroni and set it on the counter next to the stove.

_N_ _ow, to find something to do while she waited for the water to boil._

She glanced toward the living room. She was really not in the mood to start working on her grand, heroic project again. Not… not until she had some food in her, at the very least. She sat down by the dining room table, where she could keep one eye on the stove, and opened her phone.

Maybe she’d give Bernard a call in a little while, to talk about her progress. His suggestion for incorporating news-updates into her re-creation of the Evil Plan was really working out; it helped to fill some of the empty spaces where photography and memory had failed her. She really felt like she had a better grasp on the trajectory of events now.

Whatever Megamind was planning, it was big. She wanted to discuss it with Bernard. She wanted to compare notes with him again.

**No New Messages**

_This is fine._

Between work and her grand project, she’d been too busy to text him all day. Bernard had obviously been busy as well. He’d mentioned having some back-to-back tutoring sessions with some of his more frustrating students today, and he dedicated at least as much of his spare time as she did to tracking Megamind’s movements and speculating about possible motives.

_He's just busy; that’s all_.

The fact that he hadn’t messaged at all her since breakfast shouldn’t bother her. She was busy too.

Roxanne looked over at the pot. The water wasn’t anywhere close to boiling.

She looked at her phone again. She could text him, of course. She could do it right now. She’d called him up before, plenty of times; it wasn’t like it was a big deal or anything.

She drummed her fingers against the table.

_But what if he's busy, and she interrupted him? What if he's in the middle of a project? What if he's in the middle of a meal and can’t answer the phone.?_

_What if… what if he were on a date?_

She flicked a stray crumb off the table. It wasn’t as if it were any of her business, if he was on a date or not. Their relationship was strictly professional.

Or, well, maybe not _strictly_ professional. Actually, they’d become… rather close in the weeks they’d been working together. Actually, “ _working together_ ” turned into “ _socializing_ ” more than half the time.

He was-- he-- they-- they just clicked together really well; that’s all.

She stood up and checked the stove. It still wasn’t boiling, but she thought she saw a faint wisp of steam over the pot.

Her stomach growled. It was just possible that she’d gotten so caught up in trying to unravel Megamind’s plan that she’d ended up waiting waaaay too long to fix supper. _Again._

Possibly, she should wait until she got her blood-sugar up before doing anything important like trying to reverse engineer an Evil Plan, or giving Bernard a call.

She shook her head and opened the fridge.

_How important was this hypothetical call, exactly? How much did it matter to her?_

She got out the shredded cheese and the parmesan, and set them on the counter next to the box of pasta.

Why would calling him be a big deal? It’s not like she was some… some dumb teenager with a crush!

_Okay, so maybe she likes the look of his bright green eyes and crooked smile, and the way he's so enthusiastic about everything, and the fact that he actually listens to her-- so what! He's attractive!_   _She's allowed to find him attractive!_  

_She's a grown woman, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with admitting, in the privacy of her own head, that she's interested in him!_

The water came to a boil. Roxanne stopped her pacing, went to the counter, opened the box of macaroni, and dumped the whole thing into the pot. She could live with having leftovers.

She set the timer for seven minutes and settled back to wait.

_Okay. So maybe she did have a small crush on Bernard. Did he… could he maybe… like her back?_

There were a few moments in which he might’ve been flirting, but she wasn’t certain. Maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe she was so unused to spending time with a genuinely good guy who could actually hold up an intelligent conversation that she’d mistaken friendliness for something more than it was.

_Maybe he was just being nice._

That was probably it. He probably thought of her as a friend, and only a friend, and would be uncomfortable and weirded out if she ever said anything. She’d say the wrong thing and make it awkward between them, and then they wouldn’t even be able to be friends anymore, and he’d stop working with her, and they’d _fail_ to defeat Megamind because she’d _utterly ruined any chance they ever had at working as a team--!_

Stop.

_Deep breath.. In… and out…_

She was an adult. They were both adults, and they could behave maturely about this sort of thing.

_B_ _reathe_ . _She hadn’t scared him off thus far; he probably wasn’t going anywhere just yet._

She could… try to get a better feel for the situation, figure out where they stood, and decide whether or not to make a move based on that. _Yes. That seemed like a reasonable and not-at-all-needy-or-weird way to deal with the issue of her possible feelings for him._

_Right._

She opened a drawer, pulled out a wooden spoon, and quietly stirred the pot.

As far as Bernard knew, Roxanne had been in a long-term relationship with Metro City’s favorite muscle-bound superhero, up until his untimely demise at the hands of the man they were plotting to overthrow. He probably thought she was still in mourning. Which she was… but not like that.

Metro Man had been an essential part of Metro City, and to her life in particular, for years, and his death made it feel like the whole world was tilted from its axis. Metro Man would never be there to save anyone, ever again. She and Wayne had suddenly run out of time to try to mend the broken parts of their friendship, and he’d gone way, way to soon.

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

_But it wasn’t the pain of losing a lover, or a romantic partner_. She and Wayne had never been more than friends, but Bernard did not know that, and it might be… one reason... why he hadn’t made a move.

She gave the noodles another stir.

_So. She’d tell him about the fact that she and Metro Man had never actually dated, and after that, depending on how he reacted, she could maybe ask him out. That was the plan. That was… the bare beginnings of a plan._

She glanced at the timer, then went to the sink and started moving all the dishes to one half.

_These were modern times; asking a guy out on a date wasn’t that big of a deal, was it?_

She’d dated before; she’d gone on plenty of dates, both real and fake. It was just that none of it had ever gone anywhere, and… _s_ he kind of maybe REALLY wanted this to go somewhere. She’d never liked any of those other guys nearly as much as she liked Bernard.

Roxanne went to the cabinet and, after a bit of rummaging, found the colander. She placed it in the now-clear half of the sink, ready to drain the pasta.

_He treated her like a person. He treated her like someone who was worth listening to._

She hadn’t had much luck with guys, in that regard. There was a reason she’d agreed to pose as Metro Man’s girlfriend in the first place.

She grabbed the oven-mitts out of the drawer.

_Bernard was different. She wasn’t fooling herself about that._

_Right?_

**Beep! Beep! Beep!**

The timer!

Hurriedly, she put on the oven-mitts, took the pot off the stove, and poured the pasta and scalding water into the colander.

_So.  She’d try to bring up her and Metro Man’s actual relationship… in a way that wasn’t totally weird and unnatural in the conversation._

She balanced the pot on the edge of the sink, and picked up the colander, shaking it a bit to get out any strang trickles of water.

_I_ _f that worked out okay, she could maybe ask him out._

She poured the macaroni back into the pot, then set the pot on the burner, (this time) remembering to turn off the heat.

_That day they went biking, they’d talked about going to the park again someday, once Megamind was defeated and the trash was cleared away._

She examined the cheese briefly, then dumped the whole bag into the pot, took the wooden spoon off the counter, and began to stir it in.

_Megamind was still in power, yes, but the parks had been cleaned. Maybe she could invite him out for a picnic, with a side of investigation discussion of Megamind’s probably-nefarious motives, of course_.

She sprinkled in some parmesan.

_She would tell him then_.

A moment’s search revealed that the salt and pepper were at the table; she got both seasonings and added them to her pot of macaroni.

_If all went well, she’d ask him out on a real date before the picnic was over_.

It wasn’t until Roxanne was halfway through eating her meal that she realized that, from an outside perspective, the picnic with Bernard would itself look like a date. Actually, now that she thought about it, quite a lot of what they’d been doing together was remarkably similar to dating.

With that thought, she suddenly felt a lot more confident about her plan.

* * *

 

The picnic went extremely well.

They scheduled a Real Official Date before the blanket was completely folded away.


	12. Kidnapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanne is kidnapped.

Roxanne would never forget that night.

 

It wasn’t as if she’d never been kidnapped before.

Roxanne had, in fact, been kidnapped hundreds of times.

She was famous for it.

It wasn’t even as if she’d never been kidnapped by villains other than Megamind before. As “Metro Man’s Girlfriend,” Roxanne Ritchi had been victim to many would-be evil-doers seeking an advantage against Metro City’s mightiest hero.

It was just that Roxanne had never been kidnapped by someone who was apparently entirely unaware of the fact that a kidnapping was taking place. Lady Doppler hadn’t expected her to be _happy_ about being snatched off her balcony. The Puzzler had at least put together a semi-coherent plan before taking her hostage.

This ‘Titan’ hadn’t been interested in holding her hostage. She might’ve been safer if he had been. Hostages are only valuable so long as they’re alive, after all. Titan hardly gave a thought to keeping her alive during that terrifyingly reckless starlit flight.

Megamind had said, in that letter from so long ago, that when he hurt someone, he wanted it to be on purpose. Megamind had apologized for the single incident in which she’d been seriously injured during one of his plots, and furthermore had given her cash to compensate for the medical expenses.

‘Titan’ didn’t care about that stuff.

He didn’t care enough to actively avoid flying into a building while carrying someone whose skin and bones were so much more breakable than his own; he didn’t care enough to keep her from falling into the traffic far below.

It wasn’t as if Roxanne had never been kidnapped before.

But none of her previous kidnappings had ever been like this.

* * *

 

It took her a long time to realize that Titan-- _Hal, oh God, Hal, Hal Stewart with superpowers_ \-- wasn’t coming back. She was alone at the highest point of the tallest building in Metro City, clinging to the lightning rod at the center of the tiny concrete ledge with no guardrail to stop her from falling.

_If she fell from this height, she’d never survive_.

She was alone.

No one knew where she was.

Nobody even knew she was in trouble; her apartment was very high up, and there had been no witnesses when Hal took her.

He hadn’t bothered to tell anyone that he had her captive, because in his mind it hadn’t been a kidnapping. Hal seemed to think that waiving a cart of flowers at someone, grabbing them off their balcony, tossing them around a bit, and then leaving them on top of the highest, most inescapable points in the city, counted as a date.

_And he wondered why I never went to any of his ‘parties’._

Roxanne had already had a date scheduled for this evening, and it definitely wasn’t with Hal.

Bernard would be wondering where she was. She should've at least been on her way to the restaurant by now. She was going to be late.

Roxanne could have laughed, but if she laughed she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t start crying. Or screaming. Here’s her life on the line, and she’s worried about missing a date.

_Well. In her defense, she had been really looking forward to it_.

There was no one she could call for help.

She was so high up... Nobody would hear her scream.

_Not until I'm most of the way to the ground, at any rate_.

Metro Man was gone, and there was nobody out there to save her. She couldn’t scream, she couldn’t cry for help, because there was a chance that Hal, Titan, was out there listening somewhere, and if he came back her situation would be _so, so much worse_.

She couldn’t call Bernard or the police or fire department, either. Her cellphone, and her purse, were back at her apartment, waiting for her on the little end-table by the door. No one was coming to save her.

There was no way to call for help.

There was nobody she could call.

Roxanne would have to save herself.

* * *

 

The thing one is supposed to say in this sort of situation, the advice everyone in movies always seems to give, is “ _don’t look down_ ”. Unfortunately, Roxanne would have to look down if she was to possibly find a way off of this tiny, circular ledge… platform… thing… at the top of Metro Tower.

Below her was a terrifying drop, lights and the tops of lesser skyscrapers and empty space, _so much empty space,_ and a grid of tiny lights so far below _, she was too high to even see the traffic moving in the streets, and oh, this was not how she’d planned on spending her night; this is not how she’d wanted to die…_

A bit closer to Roxanne, quite near her feet actually, there was a metal maintenance ladder going down the side of the building. It could bring her to a door inside. Or a locked, unopenable window that could only be accessed by one of those window-cleaning platform-things.  

To find out, she’d have to look down.

She’d have to stop pressing her back to the nice, solid spire and _get closer to the edge_ in order to find out where the ladder went to.

Roxanne had never been this afraid of heights before.

She’d been dangled off of buildings and held hostage above the trapdoor in the Dirigible of Doom and carried by giant robots and all kinds of other things involving heights, and still managed to keep her head enough to make sarcastic comments and analyze the situation for potentially advantageous data. But that had been with Megamind.

Megamind, whose ropes were sometimes tied in a way remarkably similar to a safety harness. Megamind, who always had brainbots on standby in case someone went into freefall. Megamind, who never failed to ensure that Metro Man was alerted and the cameras were rolling. Megamind, who believed in maintaining _standards_.

Tonight, Roxanne had been snatched from her balcony by a creepy former co-worker, tossed around like a ragdoll--

_falling several stories and then being caught, thrown into the air so high it was like falling in reverse, clearing a building and then FALLING towards the ground again, towards TRAFFIC, and then she’d been grabbed out of the fall again, back into the arms of her attacker--_

This time, there were no ropes and no witnesses.

There would be no hero coming to rescue her.

Roxanne thought she had a right to be scared, considering.

* * *

 

She was, eventually, able to force herself to very carefully crouch down and examine the ladder. She breathed, slowly and deeply, _in through the nose, hold it, and out through the mouth_ , and forced herself to look down at the ladder, at how it was attached to the side of the building _don’t look at the ground don’t look don’t look_ and went down past a cluster of satellite-disks that seemed to circle the building, to a ledge marginally wider than the platform she was currently standing on.

It took a long time, and a lot of slow, deep breaths, to figure out how, exactly, to climb off the tiny platform, to climb onto the ladder, without falling off the building. She was wearing heels and a skirt; she wasn’t dressed for adventure, and there was no one to catch her if she fell.

She clutched onto the metal ladder with both hands. Brought her right foot down, to the next lower rung.

Carefully, holding on tightly, she put her left foot down beside the right.

Forced herself to let go with her right hand and grab the next rung down.

Breathed slowly, _in through the nose and out through the mouth, breathe_ , and brought her left hand down as well.

Slowly, slowly, Roxanne climbed down the ladder.

Eventually, she made it down to the platform.

There was a railing here, at least. Only waist-height, and one could easily imagine falling over or under it, but there was a certain comfort in knowing there was something solid between her and freefall. This platform was cold and utilitarian, not a balcony for the pleasure of guests renting space in Metro Tower. The only people who might enjoy the view from up here would be the occasional repairman sent to do maintenance on the satellite discs that were attached to the side of the building at about the height of Roxanne’s head.

Roxanne herself didn't think she was in any mood to ‘enjoy the view’ herself.

Not tonight.

She carefully made her way around the platform, sticking close to the wall. She was highly  aware of the edge, and the drop, and the hollow sound of her footsteps against the thin sheet of metal that was all that stood between her and the void....

  _Careful. Be very, very careful._

Hopefully, there would be… Yes! A door! A service door, peeling paint and metal, and… locked. Locked solid shut, because no one was supposed to be using this door, not at this time of night, not without legitimate business up here.

_Of course it was locked; it would be a safety hazard if just anyone could wander out here!_

She wanted to laugh. Or cry. She was running late, Bernard was waiting for her; he might even be thinking she stood him up by now, and here she was trapped on the ‘roof’ of Metro Tower, standing outside a locked door!

Fortunately, Roxanne always kept a small, discrete multi-tool hidden in her bra for exactly this kind of emergency, and that multi-tool included a lockpick.

(This particular model happened to be a gift from Bernard: she’d mentioned her little ‘insurance policy’ early on in their conspiracy, and a week later he gave her a better one, with more features. He’d said he’d bought it online for a ridiculously good price, and that sneaking and heroics required only the best of tools, and he'd smiled, and...)

A few minutes of trying to jimmy the lock open and shove the deadbolt to the side with bits of wire had her hissing through her teeth and swearing under her breathe. Fortunately, the multitool also included a Phillips screwdriver. If she couldn’t pick the lock, she’d take the whole thing off, doorknob included!

Roxanne felt a dark sort of satisfaction when the pieces fell to ground, scattered nuts and bolts and all, and she was finally able to shove the door open. She stepped inside, finally out of the cool night air, and found herself at the top of a narrow, windowless flight of concrete stairs. Holding the multitool in one hand and grabbing tight to the railing with the other, she started climbing down.

She went down four flights of stairs before she found an unlocked door, and found herself in a well-lit hallway with a red carpet, a row of distinctly office-ish looking doors, and an elevator at the other end of it. Civilization.

Roxanne stepped into the safe, carpeted hallway and collapsed in relief, finally allowing the events of the past… could it really have been less than an hour…? ...to catch up to her. God, she felt like she’d been running a marathon or something.

_She’d almost died so, so many times tonight_.

She was going to be late for her date.

She’d managed to escape from mortal peril all by herself, and no one else could possibly claim the credit for this.

She sat down on the carpet and laughed and breathed, and tried to collect herself.

Eventually, she did.

* * *

 

She folded up the multi-tool, re-screwed the cap that had temporarily doubled as a handle, and tucked it back into her bra before heading for the elevator.

As she rode down on the elevator, Roxanne tried to remember where the restaurant was, relative to Metro Tower. She’d left her purse and cellphone back at the apartment, so she probably wouldn’t have much luck trying to call a cab if it was far.

( _Assuming he was still there; assuming he left thinking she had stood him up, and it would be understandable, very understandable, if he had left…)_

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. She had reached the ground floor. She stepped out into the wide lobby, looked out the wall of windows, and breathed a sigh of relief. The restaurant was just across street. The person working the front desk may have given her an odd look as she walked out, but Roxanne was so entirely past caring at this point.

She arrived at the restaurant, and Bernard was there.

She arrived, and Bernard’s whole face lit up, and they finally, finally got to start their first official date.


	13. Stand in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanne learns the truth.

Looking back, she thought it should have been the stares that stood out the most.

It shouldn’t have been the sheer relief at being there, together, doing something as normal and romantic as eating a candlelit dinner while she told him about her adventure.

She should be remembering the gasps, the rising murmurs of fear and shock, the baby crying, the jolt of feeling when she opened her eyes and realized that the man she was kissing was blue. 

She shouldn’t be thinking of how soft and sweet that kiss had been; she shouldn’t think about the fact that she hadn’t actually pushed him away until he opened his eyes as well.

It had taken him a moment to realize why she had pushed him away. It had taken him a moment to realize why she was staring at him in horror. 

His voice, when he cried  _ “Don’t look at me!”  _ and  _ “It’s just a technical glitch!”  _ had sounded just like Bernard would have, which was wrong because Megamind had sounded like himself, and how could she have been so _stupid?!_

Everyone had been staring at them, by then: faces down, towards their plates, shoulders curled defensively, ostensibly following the Overlord’s frantic instruction while watching out of the corners of their eyes and listening in dead silence as the drama unfolded. Watching as she ran out of the restaurant, leaving Megamind standing, frozen, in place. 

_ That’s what should have stood out the most, not the conversation they’d shared before-- _

Everything was wrong. 

Bernard was Megamind. 

Megamind had given superpowers to  _ Hal Stewart _ . 

The streets were cold and dark, and everything, everything was a lie, and it was starting to rain.

Roxanne yelped when the enormous heap of trash appeared on the street, and dodged out of the way as a second one appeared. 

_ T _ _ hey must’ve been dehydrated, and now the rain was bringing it all out of the convenient cube-form. _

She’d thought Megamind had cleaned up the city. She'd thought he cared enough to actually fix things, but really the streets had been full of garbage all along, just her entire relationship with ‘Bernard’ had been full of garbage, just like all her plans for making herself into a hero, all her plans for defeating Megamind, had turned out to be nothing but  _ garbage, _ because he’d known all along, had been tricking her all along…

She should’ve known it was a trick. 

She should’ve known it was too good to be true.

Thunder cracked overhead. She kept walking as piles of garbage appeared all around her, as a cat jumped out of nowhere, yowling as if to complain about the rain. The streets seemed as empty as they’d been the first night Megamind took over; there wasn’t a car in sight as she approached the crosswalk.

There was a screech of tires, and Megamind stepped out of the shimmer in the air that falling rain outlined into the shape of a car. 

“I can explain!” he cried as she turned away, not wanting to look at his deceitful face for another second, and _at least he had the decency to show his_ actual face _now that she'd finally,_ finally _managed to see past his disguise..._

“What about everything you just said? About judging a book by it’s cover?!” 

Roxanne rounded on him at that, because he was  _ not allowed _ to do something like that and then try and twist her words around like that; he did  _ not get  _ to play the  _ victim _ here!

“Well, let’s take a look at the contents then, shall we?” she snapped, jabbing a finger at his chest, making him step back. “You destroyed Metro Man, you took over this city, and then…” She pressed her knuckles to her temples. “You actually got me to care about you! Why... are you  _ so evil _ ?” 

_ Why would you do this to me was it all just a game to you were you laughing at me this whole time _

“Tricking me? What could you possibly hope to gain?”

Megamind looked at her softly, his heart heart in his eyes, and it wasn’t fair that he and Bernard had the same eyes, it wasn’t fair that he looked like his heart was breaking. Why would  _ he _ …

“Wait a minute,” Roxanne said, eyes widening. She felt like she might start crying. “I don’t believe this. Do you really think that I would _ever_ be with you?”

Megamind swallowed, staring at her with wide, unfairly green, unfairly sad eyes.

“No,” he said softly, brokenly, and then he looked away, and Roxanne started to walk away again, brushing past him and walking away into the dark, lonely, rainy streets. 

He didn’t try to follow. 

Roxanne didn’t look back.

Roxanne didn’t look back until she was halfway up the street, until she realized that Megamind hadn’t tried to follow her, until she realized that she hadn’t heard the invisible car driving away; she only looked back to see why… 

( _ That was the only reason; checking for the invisible car was the only reason it was it was it was... _ )

She looked back, and saw that Megamind had turned away as well, was making his own way through the city streets, apparently abandoning the invisible car. 

It didn’t matter.

Roxanne turned forward again and started walking once more. She didn’t have a car; she didn’t even have the  _ option _ of driving home. She didn’t have her purse with her to pay for a cab. She didn’t even have a cellphone with her... 

_ Her phone _ . 

Should she delete Bernard’s contact information from her phone? Should she delete all their text-conversations? Or should she be planning to glean the correspondence for clues, for data that could be used to her advantage?

_ Who was she kidding? She’d never had the advantage, and she never would. _

Roxanne walked, and walked, and kept on walking. 

Her apartment was really only a few blocks away. A few mile-long blocks away, through the rain, in the dark. She could make it.  All she had to do was walk home; it wasn’t as if it were a big deal. She didn’t need anyone to come and save her. She would make it home safely, all by herself.

Raindrops slid down her face like tears. 

_ No one could prove that it wasn’t just raindrops; no one could prove there was anything more than rain. _

Eventually, Roxanne made it home. 

She took her spare key from its hiding place, and unlocked the door. She closed it behind her, then locked it. Then she slid shut the deadbolts and secured chain. Just to be safe.

It wasn’t likely to do her any good if someone really wanted to break into her apartment, but it made the place feel a little more safe and, God, she wanted to feel safe tonight.

The world had shattered beneath her feet, and as she wanted was to feel safe again.


	14. Put the Broken Pieces Back Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the break-up, Roxanne figures some things out.

Roxanne called in sick to work the next morning. 

She wasn’t usually one for playing hookie, but she felt that in this particular instance, it was entirely justified. She had, after all, been kidnapped and abandoned on top of the tallest building in the city, after all. 

Followed by a bad breakup. 

And a very, very long walk through the cold and rainy and garbage-filled streets. 

In the middle of the night.

.

.

.

Roxanne felt that she deserved some time off. Considering.

So. The agenda for today included drinking coffee, watching daytime tv, sorting through months worth of lies and manipulation to try and figure out if anything at all had been real, having emotions, and possibly doing some house-cleaning. 

She looked around her living-room, at the whiteboards and bulletin-boards she’d filled with data and painstakingly arranged, at the pictures and papers and clippings she’d hung from her ceiling in imitation of  _ his _ planning space. 

_ She’d really thought she’d had a chance. She’d really thought she was smart enough to do this. _

If she did get around to cleaning, this room might be a good place to start.

Not feeling like going to the effort quite yet, she topped off her coffee went to the living room, moving her note-covered whiteboard out of the way of the tv before settling down on the couch, finding the remote, and turning on the tv.

> _ Rock music blared from the television’s speakers. A giant mecha with gleaming spikes and Megamind’s logo proudly emblazoned across the chest-- stood in front of City Hall, an entourage of police-cars and members of the press surrounding it from a slight distance.  _
> 
> _ “CHALLENGE ME- IF YOU DARE!” _

Roxanne let out a strangled screech, turning off the tv and throwing the remote at the screen.

_ He _ seemed to be doing alright, anyway: out on the town, loud and proud, picking a fight like Christmas had come early. 

( _Megamind  had always hated Christmas_.)

Picking a fight with Hal, of all people-- Hal, his chosen “hero”. Megamind acted like nothing had even happened last night, like she hadn’t even said anything about why Hal was a bad choice, like he hadn’t even listened to a word she’d said at the restaurant, before…

Megamind never listened to her, when she told him about a flaw in his plan. One of the things she’d… liked… about Bernard was the fact that he listened to her.

Bernard wasn’t real. 

He’d only ever pretended to listen to her anyway.

Roxanne curled up on the couch, grabbed her mug from the coffee-table, took a long, fortifying sip of coffee, and told herself that she  _ wasn’t going to cry, damnit _ . Bernard wasn’t real; the friendship, the budding romance, it wasn’t real. 

You weren’t supposed to cry about things that weren’t real. She wasn’t going to cry over some stupid trick.

She wasn’t.

Honest.

* * *

 

_ The real question, _ Roxanne thought to herself a bit later,  _ is how he did it, and when he started. _

At the restaurant, when the disguise-watch was malfunctioning, there had been a handful of different… characters. At least one of his disguises was based on a real person: she’d recognized Warden Parker as he’d flipped through the settings. 

( _ Watching the man across from her repeatedly transform into a different person... face, height, build , and voice suddenly completely different, all with the turn of a dial on what looked like an ordinary watch, and how could an illusion seem so real…?! _ )

However, the old man with the white pompadour and sparkly jumpsuit had looked more like a character from an old sci-fi show than an actual person. That particular character obviously wasn’t designed for blending in on the streets... if, indeed the disguise had been designed, and not stolen. There was a chance that Megamind had taken on the identity of an older Super, possibly a retired member of the League of Heroes. However, it was just as likely that Megamind had used his disguise-technology to create at least one identity from scratch.

_ Would it be possible for her to track the alias down, based only on her own memory, and (possibly) a few seconds of security-footage from the restaurant? _

Roxanne stood up and took her now-empty mug to the sink, then went to find her laptop. She could look into the white-pompadour-guy later; for now, her priority was finding out more about “Bernard”. 

The laptop was…  _ there _ , next to the good chair, in the living room. She went over and grabbed the blanket off the back of the chair, wrapping it around her shoulders as she sat down and settled it. 

Roxanne was taking the day off. She had had an awful night, and she had every right to make herself cozy.

She opened her laptop, and as she was waiting for it to power up, her eyes fell upon the Data-Cloud. 

She wasn’t sure she wanted to look at that stuff, right now, but. A lot of her notes and some of her best reference-materials were hanging from strings from her ceiling. 

She had a feeling she’d want to do reference on this today.

Roxanne typed…  _ his alias _ … into a search-engine. The top result showed that “Bernard” had a blog he’d never mentioned to her.  She clicked on it: the blog hadn’t been updated in months. The most recent article complained about staffing issues and lack of visitors at the Metro Man Museum. 

She made a note of the url and the date of the last update, then returned to the results list. He was listed as author or co-author in several articles on Supervillains-- both academic and in the general media.  Megamind did, indeed, appear to be his focus of study. 

Well. He did have reason to be _ very knowledgeable  _ about that _ particular  _ Super-Villain _ , _ after all.

There was a link to a video of him giving a lecture at some kind of university function. She clicked on the link, and began to watch. 

> _ The slightly grainy video showed a crowded auditorium; the buzz of conversation quieting as a man came to the podium. It took Roxanne a moment to recognize him: his normally-wild hair was slicked back, and he was wearing a dark blue suit and tie. It had been quite a while since she’d seen Bernard wearing anything other than his customary brown suit and turtleneck. There was a slight slouch to his shoulders, and he looked at the crowd without any particular attention to the camera. _

Why hadn’t she been more suspicious; why had she so easily accepted so many of the hints and clues as a minor personal quirks; why was she so GULLIBLE?!

> _ On screen, Bernard straightened his tie, shuffled a set of flashcards, and began. _
> 
> _ “When attempting to study and analyze Supers in a serious fashion, one must learn to distinguish between the actual events, powers, and personalities, and the often exaggerated and sensationalized accounts of them. This is especially true in reference to the self-described ‘Supervillains’. For this particular class of career-criminal, reputation is often of almost equal importance to actual powers. In order to make a realistic assessment of the threat such individuals pose, we must focus on the verifiable facts and substantive results rather than allowing ourselves to be distracted by mere presentation. In particular, the case of…” _

As the video played, Roxanne became more and more convinced that this man… was not the Bernard she knew. He had the same face, yes, the same hair despite the unfamiliar style, the same name… but the way he held himself, the way he dressed, the way he delivered his lecture… it was all different. His voice, in particular, was disconcertingly unfamiliar. 

_ Her _ Bernard wouldn’t deliver a lecture in such a dry monotone.

Roxanne stiffened, then shook her head and reminded herself very firmly that  _ “her Bernard” _ was an inaccurate and-- ha--  _ misleading _ term on multiple levels. The important thing, the really important takeaway from this video, was that the alias Megamind had used to trick her was, in fact, a real person and, based on this footage, that person was not the one she’d been working with all this time. 

That hurt. Knowing for certain that it wasn’t real.

She’d met Bernard-- the  _ real _ Bernard, she was pretty sure-- a few times before… _ this happened _ . They’d attended some of the same conventions, and once he’d asked to interview her for a book he was working on. 

They hadn’t been friends. 

They hadn’t been... close.  Not until Megamind took over the city. 

_ He _ was the only other person who genuinely thought they might stand a chance against Megamind.  _ What a laugh that turned out to be. _

How long had  _ he _ been tricking her? Had Megamind been playing the role in his spare time since before the takeover? Had he taken Bernard’s place the day they’d broken into his Evil Lair? 

_ After the brain-bots grabbed him, in the fight with Megamind, was that when _ ...

She switched to a different tab and pulled up a picture of Bernard, zooming in on his face. 

His eyes were brown.

Roxanne remembered their conversation as they were leaving the Metro Man museum, when they’d talked about heroism and he picked her up and spun her around, before they ran out the doors and down the steps hand-in-hand, barely a minute ahead of the explosion….

That had been the first time she’d noticed how very  _ green _ his eyes were.

That had been the night when she’d started to _ like him _ .

_ Formal speedwalking _ , he’d said, when she asked how he got to Megamind’s hideout so quickly. And she, like an absolute idiot, had believed him. 

God, he must’ve thought she was so stupid, falling for that. She felt so stupid, right now.

_ He’d _ seemed so despondent, that night and the museum. He’d seemed despondent in the same way that she’d felt despondent, and she’d wanted to help lift him out of it. 

_ Heroes aren’t born; they’re made _ .

Leave it to Megamind to take that as an instruction to  _ build his own… _ AND choose the _ least worthy “Hero” candidate in the city to grant superpowers! _

Roxanne scowled, closing her laptop a little harder than necessary.  It wasn’t her business if Megamind destroyed himself with a poorly thought-out plan. 

He never listened to her anyway! It didn’t matter!

She wanted to listen to some angry rock music. She wanted to put P!nk’s  _ So What _ on repeat and turn it up until she couldn’t hear the doubts or emotions clamoring for attention in her head any more. 

She wanted a little  _ musical catharsis. _

It was the middle of the day; her neighbors were probably at work. 

There was no one to stop her from cranking up the volume and (metaphorically) breaking off the knob.


	15. Can We Talk?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Megamind shows up at her doorstep.

When Megamind showed up at her door, she thought there was a slight chance that he was going to try and apologize.  Of course,  _ of course _ he only needed a place to hide after Titan turned evil.

She probably shouldn’t have let him in, even after he called her  _ “the smartest person I know,” _ but… damn it, he  _ never _ flattered  _ anyone but himself _ and  _ occasionally Minion _ , and she was  _ weak _ , and…!

Part of her, some _ stupid, stupid part of her _ still...  _ cared _ about him. 

When she opened the door, he went straight to her data cloud, and he’d said that  _ copper didn’t work _ , and he  _ asked for her help _ and _ actually listened to her _ , and it reminded her of " _ Bernard" _ and, besides,  _ Hal with Metro Man’s powers was a really, extremely, objectively bad thing, and _ ….

Which was how she’d ended up driving the news-van toward the outskirts of town with Megamind in the passenger seat, giving her long, sidelong glances when he thinks she’s not paying attention. 

It was very, very awkward.

The silence stretched between them

“It was you I talked to at the Metro Man Museum, wasn’t it,” Roxanne said suddenly, breaking the silence.

“...Yes, that was me,” Megamind admitted, turning to face her. She kept her eyes on the road. “It was the first time that I’d-- used the disguise-watch while interacting with you, actually. Really, it’s one of my newer inventions, and--”

“What happened to the real Bernard?” she interrupted.  _ They’d escaped the museum just minutes before it went up in flames, and Bernard’s blog hadn’t been updated in months, and... _

“Ah… right. Yes.  _ Bernard _ . Um. I was. I was… preparing to destroy the place when I encountered the man on the platform around the giant Metro Man statue. He foolishly mistook me for some costumed imitator, which was just… I mean, I know I wasn’t dressed in my usual costume that evening, but come on! One cannot replicate my magnificent head with mere  _ costume trickery _ ! Anyway, I heard you coming, and I was… really not prepared for a… public appearance at the time; the whole plan was kind of spur-of-the-moment, you understand, so I scanned his image into my disguise-watch and dehydrated him just as you came around the corner.” He grimaced as Roxanne gave him a hard look. “It was not one of my finer moments.”

“What about after that?” she asked. “Where is he now? I did some checks; he hasn’t updated any of his social-media accounts since that night.”

“I--” Megamind stopped, brow furrowing. “Normally I would’ve dropped him in a puddle or something and he’d have found himself on the street, wondering how he got there, but… I think I might’ve forgotten to do that, this time? Sorry.” He looked so sincerely apologetic about it that Roxanne couldn’t help but smile for a moment. She then scowled again, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

“Hey, if he is still cubed back at Evil Lair, at least he’s safe from Titan,”she said, humorless. “Safer than we are, at any rate…” Megamind looked away, staring out the window at the city.

“It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way,” he sighed. “Titan was supposed to be a hero; he was supposed to be  _ good _ . It doesn’t work, having Evil in power without an equal or greater Good to balance it. There’s no point to it.”

“Was that why you decided to make a new hero?” she said tightly, speeding a little as she took the left turn. “Because the  _ game _ didn’t work with only one player?”

“Yes-- I mean, no! I mean--” he shook his head, collecting his thoughts. “I’ve dedicated my entire life to being the best supervillain I can be, you realize that? It’s what I’m  _ good at _ . Then I win, and suddenly all my skills in fighting, escape-artistry, causing mayhem, _ all of it _ is suddenly  _ useless _ ! To attack someone who can’t fight back is pointless and cowardly, there’s no challenge to stealing things if people halfway think you’ve got a legal right to take it anyway, and meanwhile the entire city was falling apart and all I…”  He trailed off. 

Somewhere in the distance, between all the buildings, Roxanne saw a column of smoke rising up. Someplace was burning.

“You do realize that the entire city could be destroyed,” Roxanne said, pressing her foot a little more heavily on the gas. “There is no possible way for things to go back to  _ normal _ after this.”

“I’ve never been very good at  _ normal _ anyway, so I guess that’s par for the course,” he said quietly. “I did try, though. The city needed a hero. I’ve been actively plotting against myself for months; I shouldn’t be surprised by the fact that things aren’t going my way.”

Silence descended once more. They didn’t talk again until they had very nearly reached Metro Man’s hideout.

Apparently, she wasn’t the only one who’d walked home alone in the rain last night.

* * *

 

Wayne’s hideout had always been a weird place-- even by super standards. It’s ‘front’ was an old-fashioned, one-room schoolhouse with peeling red paint, built by the lake on a sandy hill on the far edge of town, and concealing the much more elaborate complex underneath.  Oddly, Megamind seemed to recognize the place. She remembered what  _ he _ had told her about his time in school, and she wondered. 

_ Wayne never  _ _ told her exactly how the feud with Megamind got started _ .

The long-unused classroom still had its little desks and chairs, it’s shelves and chalkboard, a dusty stack of papers in the corner... The cheerful crayon pictures on the wall seemed slightly creepy to Roxanne; the beams of dust mote-filled sunlight coming in through the windows seemed sinister. 

This was the home of a dead man that they were intruding on, and she was walking in with his murderer.

Roxanne didn’t believe in ghosts, but even she had to admit that this would be the most plausible time to encounter one.

If the schoolhouse could be said to represent Metro Man’s nostalgia and family-friendly values, the long, long ladder down that brought them into a windowless concrete tunnel illuminated by fluorescent lights that came on as they entered… that represented something else. It was a space that Megamind, at least, seemed more at ease in. Unpainted walls and darker shadows and doors that were designed for sturdiness and weren’t expected to be seen by… anyone, really, except for Metro Man himself.

It was a place where no one could hear you scream.  Metro Man had built it that way deliberately. 

He’d said that he needed a place where he could take a break from the cries for help. It wasn’t the sort of space people usually associated with  _ heroism _ .

Roxanne should have felt scared, or even uncomfortable, walking down the tunnel with Megamind. He was, after all, a liar and a career criminal. 

_ And a murderer. Can’t forget that one. _

They had, after all, had a messy breakup just the night before, and she’d done  _ reports _ on incidents involving angry exes and isolated spaces.

Roxanne probably should’ve been scared, but she wasn’t. Megamind… he just wasn’t that sort of person. She knew that.  _ When I hurt people, I want it to be on purpose _ , he’d said, and she’d never once known him to go after anyone who didn’t have it coming… with the possible exception of Metro Man, of course, but frankly when one stopped to consider the sort of damage a person with his powers-- like, say Titan-- could cause if he wanted to… Maybe Megamind had his reasons in that case as well.

She was still mad at him, though. Was an apology really too much to ask?

* * *

 

 

_ Okay, so put into perspective, maybe Megamind’s lies weren’t so terrible _ , Roxanne thought as she hurled a stupid trophy at Wayne Scott’s stupid, unflinching face. When that failed to relieve her feelings, she threw another trophy. 

_ When you compare it to how  METRO MAN willfully deceived the entire city-- no the entire WORLD--! _

His mildly regretful expression didn’t waiver one iota as the statuette broke across his nose. 

Roxanne wanted to hit him with something bigger. 

She hefted one of the big speakers that sat at the edge of Metro Man’s makeshift stage. 

_ How dare he play the victim; a grown-ass man with  _ superspeed _ , but he couldn’t be bothered to learn some time-management skills, couldn’t even bother to train a successor?!?  _

The speaker smashed over his head, breaking into pieces while the so-called hero just stood there and took it, without so much as a hair moved out of place. 

She picked up his stupid, useless guitar and raised it high over her head. 

_ How dare he just die and LEAVE US ALL?! _

The guitar splintered; the wires broke, and  _ “Music Man” _ just stood there, unaffected and unrepentant.

“You left us in the hands of--  _ him _ !” she yelled, gesturing at Megamind. “No offense,” she added.

“No, no, I’m with you!” he reassured her, then turned to Wayne. “Look,” he said desperately. “We need your help--”

“I’m sorry,” Wayne interrupted, shrugging apologetically. “I really am, uhm. I’m, I’m done. You know, little buddy,” he continued, brushing Roxanne aside and clasping Megamind by the shoulders, “There’s a yin for every yang. If there’s bad, good will rise up against it. It’s taken me a long time to find my calling. Now it’s about time you find yours.” 

Megamind stood there, statue still, for a long moment. Roxanne almost though she saw tears in his eyes as he looked up at Wayne's newly-bearded face... then he shrugged the hands off his shoulders as he stepped back, giving a dark and very bitter laugh.

“My calling? You think it’s about time I found my  _ calling _ ?” Megamind demanded. “You do not get to lecture me about Destiny,  _ Metro Man _ . I’m destined for Evil, and I always have been! It’s the one things I’m good at, and don’t you  _ DARE _ tell me to go out and expand my  _ goddamn _ horizons, because whenever I try, I end up  hurting the people I love!” 

He turned and started walking towards the door they’d come in, then stopped and looked over his shoulder. 

“By the way, your decor is tacky, and you talk like a cheap fortune-cookie!”

With that, Megamind stepped out of the luxurious white-and-gold shrine to Metro Man’s ego, back into the bare concrete tunnel, and closed the door. Roxanne and Wayne glanced at each other.

“I didn’t think he’d take it that hard,” Wayne said, tilting his head in Megamind’s general direction. “Say, do you wanna hang out for a bit, maybe listen to a few more of my songs, or was he your ride?” Roxanne threw her hands up in disgust.

“Wayne, you have  _ crossed the line _ ,” she exclaimed, heading toward the door herself. “If you’d ever cared about me, or anyone else in Metro City, you’d help us defeat Titan, but if you’re too wrapped up in your own problems to care about anyone else anymore, than  _ we _ do not have the time to try and  _ drill _ some  _ common decency _ into your! Thick! Skull!”

She left the hideout with the person formerly known as Metro Man staring after her, and ran to catch up with Megamind.


	16. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get violent.

“Okay, so, the bright side is, now we know why copper didn’t work,” Roxanne said, hurrying to catch up with Megamind. “I mean, granted it would’ve been a  _ hell of a lot better _ it he could’ve given us an actual weakness, instead of abandoning us, this city, and every single responsibility he’s ever had in his life right when we need him the most, but so what?”

He paused for a long, tense moment, and opened his mouth as if to reply. Then he closed his mouth and continued out the door of the schoolhouse without a word. Roxanne followed.

“Hey. Who needs him? We can beat Titan ourselves!” she said, trying to enfuse her voice with confidence and bravado, the way he was so good at... “I say we go back to the Evil Lair, grab some ray-guns, hold ‘em sideways and just go all gangsta on ‘em!”

“We can’t,” Megamind sighed, dropping his stolen white cape to the ground and turning away from her, turning away from their city burning in the distance.

“So that’s it, you’re just giving up?” she asked, hand half-raised to reach  for him as he walked away. 

_ Don’t walk away; please don’t  just walk away. _

He stopped. He turned to look at her, and the look on his face was almost angry.  Would have been angry if there wasn’t so much hurt underneath.

“I’m the  _ bad guy, _ ” he said, years worth of bitter resignation in his voice. “I don’t save the day. I don’t fly off into the sunset… and I don’t get the girl.” He turned began to walk away, and in that moment, Roxanne couldn’t think of a single thing she could say or do to make him stay. “I’m going home.”

Megamind walked away, walked away from the schoolhouse and the van and the so-called hero… walked away from her, like she’d walked away from him… was it really just last night? 

_ It felt like it had been so much longer. _

For the first time in a long time, Roxanne realized that, though the possible endings for a Damsel’s story may be limited… the Villain has even fewer options, and hardly any of them are happy. 

In most stories, the Villain dies at the end.

She turned toward the city, her city. Already, there were at least three separate fires burning, sending up dark grey towers of smoke among the shining skyscrapers. For the smoke to be visible from way out here, for it to be visible from the very outermost edge of city limits, the size of the fires would have to be…!

Roxanne picked up the white cape that Megamind had left abandoned on the dirt path. The city needed a hero. Since no one else had decided to step up, it looked like it was up to her. 

Even if she had to do it alone.

* * *

 

The road going out of Metro City was packed: three lanes  of honking cars jammed together as far as the eye could see. Beside the line of practically-halted traffic were people who had decided to simply walk away from their city. Heads bowed under the hot sun, some with nothing more than the clothes on their backs, some carrying bags, carrying bundles, carrying children, they fled.

Roxanne drove toward Metro City alone: alone in the news-van, and alone on the city-bound half of the six-lane highway. Thunderheads gathered behind the rising skyscrapers, and smoke rose from among the buildings in thick pillars of dark grey. She counted at least five separate fires in different parts of the city so far, and going by the smoke, every one of them was big enough to get top billing on the evening news on any other day.

She knew that it would be bad. She knew that it would be devestating and dangerous and shattered. She'd seen the signs. She'd heard the reports. She knew. Roxanne knew it would be bad, but she didn't _believe_ until she saw it.

Downtown was… worse. Than she expected.

Far, far worse.

Buildings were demolished all around her. Entire sections of the city were one fire: windows shattered and melted, iron girders and support-beams cut through by laser-blasts, smoke darkening the sky even as fire lent the streets a hellish glow.

Apartments ( _ homes _ ), businesses, restaurants, offices, places where people lived and worked, places with  _ people in them _ at all hours of the day or night… all burning, all destroyed by a man mad with power and lashing out against the world.

It was the middle of the day. These were daylight hours; people would have been  _ at home _ when Hal started destroying these places; there would have been  _ people working inside _ when he started demolishing sections of downtown; people would have,  _ must _ have  _ died _ .

This isn’t how things are done in Metro City.

This story isn’t supposed to have that kind of body-count.

* * *

 

Roxanne knows that she can stop him. She has to be able to stop him. 

_ There is no one else left who is willing to stop him, so it has to be her, and she has to succeed _ . 

She has a plan. 

Roxanne Ritchi is a reporter, a storyteller, a thinker.

( _ “You’re the smartest person I know,” he’d said, and that was not what she needed to be thinking about right now, it really wasn’t, but if he meant it, if it was true, maybe that meant she really would be able to pull this off…. _

She’s worked with Hal for a long time. If she can just talk to him, she’ll be able to get him to see reason. Mindless destruction is, ultimately, a self-defeating method for pursuing one’s goals. 

He’d succeeded in plunging the city into a state of emergency and, most likely, creating a refugee-crisis in adjacent areas, but he hadn’t issued any official statements thus far. People can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell them your demands.

She’ll reason with him. She’ll talk him down, get him to stop the violence and destruction, get him to stop and explain, ask him questions until he starts monologuing, talk until he lets his guard down. She’ll buy some time, and when they have a bit of space, a bit of breathing room, she’ll go in, find the invisible car, and get that big motherfucking gun she needs to take his powers. 

If she needs to, she’ll get other people on her side to help-- the authorities, maybe, or some local citizens drawn to action by sheer necessity.

.

.

.

* * *

 

_ It seemed like a very logical, sound plan.  _

Up until Hal swooped down from the sky and landed in front of her, hitting the ground so hard the impact made a crater in the street and she had to raise her hands to shield herself from the debris that went flying.

_ Talking to Hal had seemed like a good plan.  _

Up until the moment when he wouldn’t listen to her, up until the moment where he talked over her and shouted her down and said that she’d never known him, had never taken the time to know him…

It’s hard to talk someone down when they won’t let you get a word in edgewise.

You can’t reason with someone who refuses to be reasoned with.

* * *

 

It was cold on the top spire of Metro Tower. 

There was a cool breeze blowing as the storm-front approached. It chilled her bare arms and went straight through her tank-top, leaving her cold. Roxanne didn't have to worry about falling off the tallest building in Metro City, at least. A bar of metal set across her midsection kept her in place against the spire, pinning her arms down and looping around the narrow pillar at the top of Metro Tower, trapping her and forcing her to remain standing in place. Hal had used a ‘one-way’ street-sign to tie her to the pillar.

She didn’t have to worry about falling, but being pushed or thrown to her doom was still a valid concern at this juncture.

Things could have been worse, Roxanne knew. At least she wasn’t barefoot. Sure, her house-slippers weren’t exactly ideal for this situation, and she wished she’d remembered to put on some better footwear before just walking out the door to try and save the city, but at least they were warm, and able to provide a barrier between her and the cold metal of the platform she was standing on. That was another thing, the cold metal of the platform, of the bar that _p_ _ ressed against her, dug into her midsection and kept her pinned in place, unable to to move, unable to escape, unable to even sit down… _

At least the metal wasn’t hot.

Laser-eyes could make this situation so, so much worse, if Hal had the imagination and cruelty to try.

A contemplative sort of person might have taken this time to think about how she’d ended up in this situation. Roxanne didn’t have that luxury, because Hal had decided to tell her how it had come to this, and his special combination of anger, violence, superpowers, and tenuous self-control tends to dominate the attention of even the most jaded captive audience.

Roxanne was stupid. 

Roxanne was naive. 

Roxanne expected people to be good. 

Roxanne thought that life was all sunshine and rainbows. 

Roxanne needed to wake up and live in the real world.

_ Roxanne knew that this was the real world, and this sort of thing happens all the time. Women are murdered all the time by selfish, entitled men who think they have a right to female attention and time and bodies.  _

Roxanne was shallow. Roxanne was snobby. Roxanne was a whore. Roxanne was so hung up on the liars and the cool rich muscle-dudes that she couldn’t see the nice guy who’d been by her side for years.

_ Guys like Hal are a dime a dozen on internet forums. This stupid , cheap monologue gives new meaning to the phrase ‘banality of evil’. _

Roxanne was a diva. 

Roxanne was cruel. 

Roxanne was manipulative. 

Roxanne was a tease. 

Roxanne didn’t know what she was missing. 

Roxanne was unworthy of him.

_ She could die here.  _

_ She could die here, alone, on the top of Metro Tower: just another victim in what was sure to be a long list of victims, a long list of casualties of “Titan’s” reign of violence and careless, purposeless destruction.  _

_ No chance of finding love, no fading into obscurity, no seizing power for her own sake, no running away…. No rising up and becoming the hero this city needs, the protector and savior that the people are crying out for… _

Roxanne was dumb. 

Roxanne was a bitch. 

Roxanne was frigid. 

Roxanne had used him.

_ Just another stupid, pointless death in a world full of pointless deaths.  _

_ Just another sad, boring, useless story that everyone’s heard far too many times. _

And then. Hal got his hands on a news-camera, and turned the kidnapping into an official hostage situation. And then. Roxanne was on camera, and Hal told her, in that mocking, contemptuous voice, to call for her ‘hero’ to come rescue her.

She had a chance to do what she was good at. She had a chance to talk.

* * *

 

“Megamind...I don’t even know if you’re watching this, but if you are…” She focused her gaze at the camera. _ Please, please be watching. _ “You can’t give up! The Megamind I knew would never have run from a fight-- even when he knew he had absolutely no chance of winning! It was your best quality.”

_ Maybe she wasn’t the city the hero needed, but damn her if she wasn’t going to do everything she could anyway. _

“You need to be that guy right now! The city needs you.” She hung her head for a moment and tried to breathe. He probably wasn’t even watching. 

_ He might not even care but I… _

She looked up at the camera again, and spoke with a sincerity and desperation that she’d never shown, never felt before.. 

“I need you.”

And then the camera spun away, no longer focused on her, and Hal gave the ultimatum:  Megamind had one hour.

_ She might only have an hour to live _ .

* * *

 

Megamind came.

He came with smoke and music and thousands of brainbots rising out of of the adjacent buildings to form his image. He came with speakers and lights and lasers witty banter.

He came with heavy firepower, a plan of attack, a distraction, and an escape vehicle.

He came with misdirection and tricks, and Minion was hurt, and when Titan came back after she’d turned off the disguise, she felt her heart drop.

Megamind hit and dodged and dodged and  _ couldn’t dodge fast enough; couldn’t keep dodging forever _ , and she spotted the Invisible Car, directed him toward it in code, directed him to the one weapon they had that might stand a chance at stopping Hal…

When Titan threw him bodily into the air _ to high, to high to be thrown, to high to survive the fall _ , just as he’d thrown her around the night before, she dropped the street-sign she’d meant to use as a weapon, and ran for it.

She reached the fountain, and Titan was closing in on her, and she backed away, stepped into the fountain itself as she backed away---

“ _ Ollo. _ ” And then Megamind was there, and he had the gun, Hal was screaming as the powers left him in a swirl of light....

 

Now Hal is  _ done _ , he’s  _ defeated, _ and Megamind just saved her, just saved the City, and he’s  _ alive, _ and  _ she’s _ alive, and Minion is, miraculously, dramatically,  _ alive, _ and-- 

You’ve got to laugh, right?


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle, they talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You for staying with me for this! I really hope you're enjoying this!

Megamind picked her up and spun her around, laughing, and she was laughing too, high on adrenaline, and the people came out of hiding and cheered, gathering closer with them--

“Aah!” Megamind had his gun in his hands in an instant. “Get back, you savages!” The crowd gasped and drew back in fear. Roxanne stepped forward quickly, smiling wide and reassuring.

“Sorry! Sorry,” she said, one hand raised beseechingly as she motioned for Megamind to lower his weapon with the other. The crowd wasn’t necessarily hostile at the moment, but everyone had had a  _ very  _ stressful day, and things could very easily escalate. 

“He’s just not used to… positive feedback! Now, I know everyone’s very excited about this victory today, but there’s still some more work to do before the victory party!” Following her lead, Megamind jumped up onto the edge of the fountain and addressed the crowd.

“Citizens of Metrocity!  The scurrilous, villainous Titan’s reign of terror has come to an end, thanks to ME!... and Roxanne and Minion,” he added with a nod. The de-gun was still in his hand, but at least now it was aimed at the sky.  _ Good enough _ . “You-- Yes, you with the cellphone-camera! Please call 911 and alert them to the fact that it is now safe to start sending ambulances and search-and-rescue crews and so on to rescue anyone who might’ve been hurt or trapped when Titan started destroying buildings, streets, and vehicles with utter disregard for style, presentation,  bystander casualties, or architectural integrity! The brainbots will of course assist where they can.” 

Roxanne looked around at the crowd; they were listening, and also not actively approaching the fountain/pseudo-stage. Good.

Wait, was that--?

“Hey, you! Police officers!” Roxanne called, waving at a couple of cops who’d just poked out of a nearby alleyway. “Was that your squad-car Titan threw down the street a minute ago?” The officers looked nervously at Roxanne, who stared back with her smile firmly in place, to Megamind, who still had his weapon drawn and was now looking at them, to the citizens, and then, inevitably, to the wreckage scattered all around them.

“Um…” the first one said, “I think that might be our car, yes, ah, sorry for not… helping… just now, it’s just that we...”

“Aren’t really equipped to handle combat against such a powerful opponent,” Megamind finished, waiving a hand magnanimously. “It’s perfectly understandable; don’t trouble yourself over it. However, since you’re here now and the spectacularly dangerous battle has been completed, you may as well make yourselves useful. Arrest that man,” he ordered, pointing at Hal, who was still slumped over on the other side of the fountain. “His name is ‘Hal Schtewart,’ though recently he started going by Titan. I’m not really sure if it’ll stick though, seeing as how I’ve permanently rid him of his superpowers, and one generally needs a bit more panache than he has to get away with calling yourself something like ‘Titan’. Anyway, now that he no longer has powers, I’m sure your handcuffs with be more than sufficient in restraining him.”

The officers exchanged looks, then hastened to follow orders. Megamind was, after all, their boss; as Overlord he’d made that perfectly clear. It was grimly satisfying to see the look on Hal’s face.

During the exchange, the crowd had begun to disperse. Clearly a victory-party wasn’t in the cards within the next five minutes, and with the city in ruins, they likely realized that they should be contacting loved ones, documenting insurance claims, and whatever else normal people did after this sort of thing happened.

Meanwhile, Roxanne was wondering how they were going to get out of there themselves. Minion was currently confined to a fountain, his suit having been wrecked and also impaled by a building, so that would be tricky. On top of that, the hoverbike was utterly wrecked and what she could see of the invisible car didn’t look to good, either….

* * *

Fortunately, it turned out that Megamind had an older model of Minion’s suit dehydrated in the trunk of the invisible car.

Less fortunately, they had to re-hydrate several other things, including some snacks, a first-aid kit, a toolbox, a second, more specialized toolbox, three laser-guns, a case of soda, and a badly-damaged brainbot before they were able to find the right blue cube.

Roxanne recommended a labelling system. Megamind, though insisting that he’d known which cube was which before they’d gotten all rattled around and mixed up in the trunk while the car was in motion, eventually conceded the point.

To Roxanne’s surprise, despite the missing driver’s-side door and some major dents, the villainous ( _ formerly villainous? heroic? Villainously heroic/heroically villainous? _ ) duo thought that the Invisible Car was in good-enough shape to drive. Somehow, she ended up in the backseat next to Megamind, with Minion behind the wheel, shivering slightly as the wind from the missing door whipped at her hair.

She might have held out for better transportation, but the KMCP van was blocks away and probably smashed, and there really wasn’t much to be had in general, and she  _ really _ didn’t feel like walking all the way home by herself, again, in her house-slippers, when the streets were broken and sometimes on fire.

Besides. The two of them had some things to discuss.

* * *

 

 

Later, after they’ve made it back to the safety of the Evil Lair... 

_It_ _’s been a while since she thought of it as safe; it’s been a while since she’d thought of anything  as really safe, longer than Metro Man’s absence, even..._

...After they’d both had times to wash up and tend to their assorted scrapes and bruises, to make sure that they were, indeed, each mostly in one piece...

Roxanne and Megamind collapsed on the couch together, slouching into the black leather and tossing aside the throw-cushions as they sprawled out and just breathed. For a minute. Minion, who despite his earlier dramatics had managed to come out of the fight in marginally better shape then either of them, handed them each a water bottle and disappeared somewhere, to make snacks, he’s said, while they… talked. About things.

Megamind was the first to speak.

“So, it’s possible that I may owe you an apology for the past few months of lying, deception, and general villainy,” he said rapidly. “I am sorry about all of that; I didn’t plan on it. That’s not an excuse, I know, but I really didn’t plan on it.” Roxanne looked at him sidelong, and took a gulp from her water-bottle to delay answering.

“I guess my question now is if you really meant any of it.” She couldn’t meet his eyes. “Do you actually… care about me?”

“Of course I-- of course I care about you! I thought you knew that for ages; I--” He made as if to reach for her, then drew his hand away. “If you want me to leave you alone and not-- interact-- with you anymore I’ll understand; I know I’ve probably burned through all my bridges and second chances ages ago, but… if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I…” Roxanne felt a warm feeling in her chest, as she took his hand and held it in her own.

“I forgive you, Megamind.” She was smiling so hard her face kind of hurt. “I care about you too.” Megamind looked at her, eyes shining, she thought he might kiss her. He squeezed her hand.

“I… can’t tell you how much this means to me,” he said. “Or at least not yet! Give me a few days to find the right words, figure out which music best conveys the feelings, and organize the brainbots for a new laser-light routine, and I can tell you then!” 

She laughed, and he smiled back at her; he smiled like he couldn’t quite believe this was happening. Roxanne could relate.

“On an unrelated note,” Megamind said, “Let’s say, hypothetically, that I was interested in doing something… other than ruling the city with an iron fist and making the citizens bow to my whims. Like, say,... becoming a superhero. Do you think it could work?”

“After today, with Titan, I think the people would be open to the idea,” Roxanne said thoughtfully. “It partly depends on how you handle the PR, but it shouldn’t be too hard to spin the story that way, especially if you promise to help the city recover from the damages caused by today.”

“Do you really think so?” he asked.

“I know so. This can work. Trust me; I’m the smartest person you know.” She smiled teasingly, expecting him to laugh, and was startled when she saw nothing but sincere admiration on his face.

“Yes,” he said. “Yes you are. Do you think you’d be willing to give me some advice on the whole… heroing thing, if I do that? I could probably use a few pointers.”

“I don’t know; based on today, it looks like you have the whole ‘hero’ act down,” she said, thinking of the rescue, the flawless impersonation of Metro Man, and how he’d saved the day right in the nick of time. “Why do you need my help?”

“Because heroics takes more than just acting!” Megamind said, waving his hand (the one that wasn’t holding Roxanne’s hand). “It takes things like judging character and doing the right thing and noticing when other people need help and actually doing something to help them! I don’t have nearly as much practice at that as you do. Take it from me, as both Evil Overlord and your former collaborator against me: Roxanne, you are the most heroic person in the city, bar none.”

“Flatterer,” she said scootching closer to him on the couch. “If we’re doing this, I’m gonna need my own ray-gun.” Megamind grinned.

“Consider it done! Do you have any ideas for what your costume should look like? Minion’s really good at design, and--”

“Woah, let’s slow down there,” Roxanne interrupted. “I’m not promising to become an official Defender!” Megamind wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

“Would you consider unofficial vigilante work on the side, perhaps? Technically it might involve operating outside the law buuut I’m sure we could make it work.” He waggled his eyebrows, and she laughed.

“Ray-guns first, details later,” she said, leaning into him. “Actually, ray-guns later. Let’s focus on right now.”

“Oh?” he asked. His eyes were very green. Roxanne felt that she’d been falling into those eyes for a very long time.

“Yeah…” She leaned in closer, and so did he.

Their second kiss was even better, even sweeter, than the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the end! I really hope you've enjoyed this story! Please tell me your thoughts in the comments! *Shamelessly begs for comments*
> 
> Also! Would people be interested in some more drabbles from this 'verse? Alternate perspectives on Metro Man and Roxanne's breakup, for example, or Megamind writing the 'Evil Queen' letter, perhaps? Please let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me comments. I crave the feedback and the validation!


End file.
